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2.3k · Apr 2014
haircut
Leah R Apr 2014
i had another dream about you and

i miss our nothing

you called me at 7am
and i still don't know why

~i tried too hard~
Leah R Nov 2013
Pulling out of the drive through, trying to turn left.
Look left, clear.  Look right, busy.  
Wait for right,
waiting waiting.
Clear, pull through.  

"WAIT! Don't go"

slam on breaks

sit partly into intersection

i place my hand on your knee,
i see you trying to swallow, hoping i don't notice while you giggle half-heartidly in attempts to trick me.

"That would have been me....."



"can we not..."    as I try to make you feel better.


2 hours later i sit on your bed reading A Thousand Splendid Suns as you play some game (???) on your computer.  

Skullcandy earbuds followed by a prehistoric lamination machine, much like this poem.

laminating those moments within my plastic sheet-brain
cars and stupid
746 · Oct 2013
Sun&Moon
Leah R Oct 2013
sun for all the things that you are
that i can never be
uninhibited, nonchalant, and unexpectedly necessary
sometimes you miss the sunlight, almost completely
but you make up for it at sundown


moon for your constant post-midnight energy
boundless, yet fleeting in the way of MMS
3 hours later if i'm lucky sometimes
but night-time we each have attention undivided
unless you're LARPing
then it's different
(please don't think i'm being cynical)
it's actually cute
Leah R Aug 2016
A neat and tidy life she leads
Every day the same
To keep it all under tight wraps
is her only aim


In her mind she organizes
Replace, rotate, no compromises
Every thought and every word,
They're all arranged by sizes


Every thing has its' own place
That she's made just for it
Ideas go here, memories go there,
No mess will she permit


By each night her mind-desk is cleared
No stray documents are found
Until morning comes they lay in files
Waiting safe and sound


But sometimes something new will come
In a way quite efficiently
Better known as a fax,
but to her, a facsimile


Startled by the incoming message
She rushes to give it a home
- It does not fit with any files
Registers, databases, or others of the like,
She leaves it sitting on her desk
Where it sat overnight


Without a place of its' own
The message grew and grew
Without a spot to place it in,
She didn't know what to do


As it grew out of her control,
She watched with total awe
It overtook her entire world
All she did was withdraw
633 · Aug 2016
A confession
Leah R Aug 2016
A bird flutters within my chest
She beats upon her cage
"Let me go!"

Fear & doubt manifest
A black cloud rolls over
The deep sea inside me


Then our eyes meet
A bell is rung
I awaken



Can this be real?



I reach out toward it
It's gone too quickly
A sensation I've longed for




Please don't let this end
A special poem
627 · Feb 2015
period.
Leah R Feb 2015
writing on a piece of paper
my lines skew off of the page
in a multitude of directions,
i cannot reign them in

i wonder where my thought ends and the next begins
but there is no way to discern
if they end at all

one small dot
.
symbolizes a finite ending
there is no continuation,
only a definite termination

space for a new thought to begin
where the last one left off

a small piece of grammar
or a beacon of hope?
588 · Jul 2016
Specimen
Leah R Jul 2016
Let me be your specimen
Keep me in a jar upon the shelf
***** me, poke me, **** me

Watch me through your microscope
I may twitch and squirm at first
I will twitch and squirm at first
But soon enough,
I will spread my wings

Your warm, glowing lamps will give me what I need
And I will grow
And I will grow
Into your prized possession
576 · Nov 2013
unseen ties
Leah R Nov 2013
I feel love surrounding me
Approaching me from all sides
Inside this very state, in Kansas, across in California
& I'm just here in my living room

I guess it doesn't matter whether or not you're related, or if you speak every day- this is what family is, shown through little texts, application fees, or even a handwritten letter.
551 · Feb 2015
"& I always will."
Leah R Feb 2015
led by a heart bisected by a decision
i have found myself here, in your room
months ago
i would not have imagined this
leaving all i knew behind, and you, leaving everything you never wanted
(i'll remove your sadness if you

well


uh

if i ever breathed that i was ready to depart,
"true love" would deter me
Truelove would bring the weapon)
537 · Apr 2014
sidenote, while i'm at it
Leah R Apr 2014
7 and one half years ago
you were in my room
and i was on my computer.

i wrote the password to log in, but i
made a mistake because i was nervous
and i backspaced all of it.

you noticed.
you said "i do that too when i mess up"
i didn't realize at the time, that i would remember that about you

and my birthday party.  you were the only one
to show up
and my dad made you listen to ICP,
i'm still sorry about that.

i haven't forgotten any of it



i wish i could think about you without hating myself
508 · Jan 2017
Heartstrings
Leah R Jan 2017
The link between infatuation and confidence is interesting
I want to be seen, but I do not want to show
I only feel confident when enamored

My turn was long ago
I left you in the same place back then
Where you picked you up once more

A heart doesn't want to be hidden
Throw a sheet over me? Or
Pack me in a box?
"Because I am a gift?"
No.
Enclosed inside a closet,
A never-opened drawer
Suffocating here
"In case of boredom, open box"
String me along
Hang me by my heartstrings
497 · Jan 2015
there's something about us
Leah R Jan 2015
i'm not sure if it is due to our unique complication, our telepathic link, or our pathetic need for reassurance from one another.
it could have something to do with your observational skills in a bedroom corner,
or maybe relating to my constant wandering eye.
whatever it may or may not be,
we have learned that it cannot be ended when we are clothed in v-necks with ripped collars and **** mrs. claus costumes.

if we both are bipolar, then at least we understand.
if we both can separate ourselves, why can't we separate each other?
(we just can't seem to keep our masks off all the time)
how can we go from our lowest lows to our highest highs at the drop of a fedora?
this time the puck is in my zone
shot on goal!
i'm sorry to disappoint
but i can't make the save.
479 · Nov 2016
Antihistamine
Leah R Nov 2016
I want to memorize the patterns of all of your t-shirts
I want to sit next to you on an airplane
You can have the window seat
I want us to bob our heads in rhythm to strange music
And waste our time together

Antihistamine forever would be worth it in the end
472 · Aug 2018
The Thought
Leah R Aug 2018
the thought,
to be without,
pierces
through my soul.

time with you:
endless,
yet fleeting still.
Always.

challenging
what was known
before
comes easy.

empty
no more, I’m
blithe again.
darkness

no longer dims
my fire;
yet, remains
still, the thought.
403 · Aug 2018
old news
Leah R Aug 2018
i call out to you
echo chamber
you call my phone
instant answer
give me a chance

my hand on your arm
a fire inside
my head in your hand
heal me from the inside
give you a chance

what does it mean to be
me? with you as you are.
can you fill this hole?
overflow me

your concept
permeates
into me

become liquid
sticky sweet
can you hear it?
replay it three times
love sounds because I love you
but we knew that already
395 · Aug 2016
Trapped
Leah R Aug 2016
I drank a lot tonight
I feel trapped
I feel trapped
As trapped as I felt that one time locked in your room for hours

As locked as when you stood between me and the door
Did I say locked? I meant trapped

Is that a cop up ahead?

Remember the night I said "Come outside"?


If I died right now I would be free

And it would be so easy too.

They would find my car and do a toxicology report and find that I had drank but just how much?

Only enough to recognize all of this *******

This is only my first time? I must be a natural
386 · Oct 2018
creature in waiting
Leah R Oct 2018
longing in my chest
aching at the thought of you, come to me. I
need to be held,
touched, felt.
understood by you.
appreciated as I am.
cherished.

the small of my back, my wrist, my neck, all of
my flesh is yours (for the taking)
my nails in your side, you nuzzle my hair as
I breathe you in
your feeling lingers on me for hours.
run and hide from me before
I give you all of myself.

what I can become is limitless,
for you give me what I need
to grow. reaching towards possibilities
borne of darkness. we lie in wait
for the time to strike
soon. before you know it
"the time is now."
369 · Oct 2017
No More
Leah R Oct 2017
I spent my youth in a third row seat
You and me way back low down
Give me a smooch, no one is looking
Or even if they are

Yellow lights from the highway passing
Slide over you in a v neck t shirt
Me in jeans way too tight
Friday nights were always this

But not tonight

Dinners together turned to an all-liquid diet
We don't share a seat
We share a hospital bed
340 · Jul 2016
Plan B
Leah R Jul 2016
a swirling concoction of shock and regret mixed inside me as it happened

now, apathy and shame fills this void

opening a doorknob that falls out of the universe into a black abyss
and all that's there is me

they didn't teach me this in school. hell, they haven't taught me this in life

i appreciate it, but ice cream won't make me feel better this time around

if this is plan b, what was plan a?
334 · Sep 2016
The day I got hit by a car
Leah R Sep 2016
2000 pounds of truth
seats upholstered with naïveté
a windshield of false pretenses
80 miles an hour right into my chest
a license plate that said forever
301 · Aug 2016
Red Space
Leah R Aug 2016
It is complex
It is warm


Take me back to that place
The special feeling where
It hurts to think

Where our hands move quickly and without regard
Suddenly
Before it's possible to tell

Take my hand
Lead me there

You are in control.



Yellow Space

It is rough
It is warm

Can't think here
But it's not the same

A primal being
Takes over
Impossible to think

I am in control.

— The End —