I became  what i said id never be, after you turned out to be what you allways said you weren't.

Don't tell me to get in the shower "It'll make you feel better,"
When you are the one who caused the bruises,
the internal ache,
the tears stained on my face,
the nightmares when I close my eyes,
and the PTSD everybody thinks is a lie.

Maybe
if I turn
my back
you can
see
for yourself
the
******
constellations
you drew
with your
knife.

I didn’t know it’s
unfashionable to wear
Your heart on your sleeve.

I didn’t catch that
lying was part of a game
that we’ve been playing.

It’s just a story
we tell with our bodies and
wash with our bedsheets.

Cowering in the corner, the boy began to cry,
******* in the gloom.
Searching the room
As his father slowly went by.

His father’s reddened ******
Caught under the weak bedroom light
His genitals pink and bright,
Like a swollen crucifix hanging impudently.

“Out my boy.” He called
In a voice that to the child
Sounded like thunder, ill-tempered and wild.
“Daddy needs you.” The father bawled.

The father’s affection was a wound
That disfigured body and mind
Care sullied, love unkind-
First loved, made love to, then wholly ruined.

His father’s hand jabbed the gloom
And laughing cruelly pulled him out
“I knew you were somewhere about.”
Dragging him through the room.

The child at first whimpered,
Then was muted. As his father began,
Through his small body the pain ran,
Biting his lips, the boy quietly simpered.

Dont get hooked.
Im addictive,
Dont take too much.
Im toxic,
Dont use  me often.
Im abrasive,

Dont fall to hard.
Ill catch you,

Hey I know youll read this
Welcome to my life bub.

It's  a mess in here. My head  that is,
Broken glass and shrapnels of lead.
Ive hired  some cleaners before.  No ones ever come willingly
So it means alot that you want the job,
Because  this mess is killing me.