something about checkered ties & purple hearts clenches a part of my hand that keeps me from writing to you and i cant even blame the snow for falling on a saturday bc God knows something needs to come down on us and it cant be our blue realizations or late movie night plans 76 days post April fools where once again the scar on your right hand will remind me of vicious wolves who only know fear and full moons, something we never talk about bc Halloween comes in a different month than Christmas & apparently that's an issue about advent calendars, not mood swings so constant you'll burn your pinky on a tray of bruschetta toast 4 times & react differently each time the heat wants to darken your skin unkindly

i didn't want to paint i just wanted to be great at something so i unghosted my soul, told her to go pick 6 roses out of the garden of my love for the mountains & i pierced my nose w a silver needle that was so sharp i could hear your velvet voice again & it call came back to me in little waves of blue pain and sunflower energy on lined sheets of paper sort of like this one with an orange accent I had to find in Rome behind motorcycles & burnt coffee w out the bitter memory of sugar cookies, only the ones we ate on long weekends by the beach beside the ways in which the sun told us the stories of sunken ships & waves the moon wanted to create at 2:11am on the least windiest days. i didnt bring my brushes w me, but a skateboard and a glass house were enough for a disappearing act & 3 conversations w a wall and spray paint can

i tie and retie my hair w the same scrunchie that you gave me 5.6 years ago hoping your cinnamon eyes will return my gaze but the purple clouds at sunrise can't and won't blow out the fire in my bones fast enough to look away, the railing on our front porch is falling apart for the first time since we bought this haunted place but I don't have the guts to get out my silver hammer and whack the nails back into place the way you carry around a loaded heart & never hit my love out of bounds, but still past the field where we used to play baseball as kids, the same bases that I fell for something about you in black & white nights red lipstick stains & dainty gifts, we didn't need to watch fireworks every 1st of July because we had sparks inside of us but we did anyway, I'm not sure why, & it was till 2:13 every night that you still had me on your mind till the next phone call in off white and spearmints green

-you rip up your coffee cups after you're done with the drink just as an excuse to stay and talk longer yet the thought of spending time unchaining your fears fights the red in you to conquer them in groups of 2
-did you forget that you were once an artist who could move mountains into valleys just to brush the snow off them?
-whoever set fire to the blooming flowers you holistically grew in your heart was only doing you a careful favour because you never liked orange roses and now you're watering glowing daises that suit your vibe anyway
-brick walls aren't as blocked off as they seem but the cement keeps them together like the sky is willing to do for you
-stop picking apart the petals on peonies and maybe the stars will stop picking pieces of peace off of you