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I push you away
But I want you to stay.
I ruin every good thing in my life.
If I asked, would you stay with me tonight?
Writing about him
Is an addiction
That I convince myself
Is in remission,
But my heart knowingly
Sees through the deception.

Writing about him
Is an undying compulsion,
Just like loving him is.
Don't get my hopes up,
To let me fall.
Try to protect my feelings,
Like you care at all.
I hate a liar.
hell never looked so heavenly a place,
at 3am
where sleep is nowhere to be found
I can't close my eyes,
without seeing your face
You are unfamiliar territory,
and for the first time in my life,
I am traveling without a map.
I'm following a path I can only imagine in this darkness,
and the walls surrounding me
are made up of pure uncertainty.
I don't remember how I arrived here,
but I know I can't go back now.
There are so many wrong turns I've already made
and sometimes I find myself walking in circles
but don't give up on me yet;
I swear I'm on my way.
En l’an trentiesme do mon aage
    Que toutes mes hontes j’ay beues…


Pipit sate upright in her chair
     Some distance from where I was sitting;
Views of the Oxford Colleges
     Lay on the table, with the knitting.

Daguerreotypes and silhouettes,
     Her grandfather and great great aunts,
Supported on the mantelpiece
     An Invitation to the Dance.

     . . . . .

I shall not want Honour in Heaven
     For I shall meet Sir Philip Sidney
And have talk with Coriolanus
     And other heroes of that kidney.

I shall not want Capital in Heaven
     For I shall meet Sir Alfred Mond.
We two shall lie together, lapt
     In a five per cent. Exchequer Bond.

I shall not want Society in Heaven,
     Lucretia Borgia shall be my Bride;
Her anecdotes will be more amusing
     Than Pipit’s experience could provide.

I shall not want Pipit in Heaven:
     Madame Blavatsky will instruct me
In the Seven Sacred Trances;
     Piccarda de Donati will conduct me.

     . . . . .

But where is the penny world I bought
     To eat with Pipit behind the screen?
The red-eyed scavengers are creeping
     From Kentish Town and Golder’s Green;

Where are the eagles and the trumpets?

     Buried beneath some snow-deep Alps.
Over buttered scones and crumpets
     Weeping, weeping multitudes
Droop in a hundred A.B.C.’s
the will in me is strong
   like a bird building a nest
   like a spider weaving its web
   like a storm heading towards shore.
the love in me is fierce
   like boxers in a ring
   like soldiers fighting a war
   like horses in a race.
the peace in me is shaky
   like a chair with a broken leg
   like a boat in the waves
   like a swing from a tree.
but the will in me is strong.
Let me take you out of your comfort zone and colour you in shades you never even knew existed.
i thought you were a mirror


                                                     but you were a time machine


*(you remind me of who i used to be more than you remind me of me)
feelings are/were confusing
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