I'm only eighteen.
the only makes it so fragile.
But I've lived through so much already,
It makes me feel like I should be
a lot older.

-*KM

My favorite times with my mom
Were when she'd give me raspberry kisses,
And whirl me in the air as if I were a million dollars.
Now when I see her it's just empty wine glasses,
And making wishes that money was at the bottom
of the glass.

I find it ironic how
I'm able to create extravagant
Sentences that leave others speechless.
But when you're around
I'm the one that's at a loss for words.

     -*KM

I question what its like to really live
as I am living the life others can’t afford.
I have the world at my fingertips
but it’s slipping away with the feeling
that I am not good enough.

-*KM

My body wants to get up and move,
but my mind says no.

It's 2 am and my body wants to rest,
but my mind says no.

The wires connecting one another
need to be fixed.

But which one do I touch?
The red or the blue?

-*KM

Sitting on my left shoulder,
you haunt all of my thoughts.
You question everything I do
until I decide not to do anything anymore.
Some days you're grey,
but others you're as dark as a black hole
******* all of the life out of me.
I need to erase you,
but you seem to have been created from pen.

        -*KM

I don't want to know what this sad feeling is like anymore.

The significance of it taking over my life.

Does this mean anything at all?

This black hole caving in the pit of my stomach.

I can't be civil with myself.

I don't want to know what this sad feeling is like anymore.

I want to be more refined.

I want to be close to those who are apparently close to me.

I did everything for them but they feel nothing for me.

Reality is here and I don't want to face it.

I want to keep myself alive through my strengths.

But I don't know what they are.

I don't want to know what this sad feeling is like anymore.

Pinot is my favorite.
Three glasses later
we talk about our aspirations
and the future.

One more glass
turns into a 180 spin
how have I not become good enough?
I tell you things I want to learn
but you say I should have learned them already.

Another glass in.
you tell me how great I am
but the things I do daily
make me not good enough for you
how does that make sense?

I understand you're older
but there's a thing called balance,
which you refuse to acknowledge.

I curl up with an Ikea pillow
in the guest bedroom,
the closest thing I have for comfort.

I guess I know now
not to ask
why you didn't get me
flowers
on Valentine's Day.

I feel a rush
A need
To jump
Jump back into myself
Like I’m 12 again
Splashing into the Atlantic
For the first time
Letting the saltwater
Overtake my entire soul
Not knowing what pure bliss was
Until that moment

I’m ready to feel that again
No fear
No doubts
Just letting this wave
Take hold of me
And make me
Knowingly better

I lost myself
For a while
But I found me again
With the help
Of others around me
Filling me
With pure beauty
And immense positivity
I feel like I can take on anything


I feel determined
A drive
A sense of self
But more importantly

happy.

you are the shots of ***** I wanted to take
in order to feel a certain bliss;
but I only feel the burning sensation down my throat,
the same way it felt when you said you didn't love me.

I see a different world in his eyes,
A world I want to indulge in
But our laughter breaks the stare
And I realize I just to hear
This tune on repeat.
The riddles
he throws at me
Makes my mind go blank,
I'm too busy staring
At the freckles on his face
And wondering if he feels
The same way about me.
I shake my head trying
To configure the lines he conveyed
While I look down and study the bulging veins
on the top of his hands and think
of ways not to get hurt again.

Joseph,

These past 3 years I have been seeing you and talking to you about the difficulties with my parents and being happy with myself. I told you about how I am not happy at college and I am trying to transfer schools. But I had some time to myself today and I realized that it’s not this school that I am unhappy with it is myself. I love being alone; spending time watching Netflix or just roaming around to new places, but then I become lonely. I do not know how to fully interact with others and that scares the **** out of me. I try to be myself but there’s this massive wall with which only alcohol can put a crack in that others can reach me to. Kate is the only one who has put the biggest crack as if she can poke her eye through the hole to see me, but I keep patching up each crack the best I can. I don’t know how to let others in and I don’t know if I want people to reach me. I feel like I need to go away for a while to a place where others feel the same as I do. I try to think of places to go to where I can find myself but I keep thinking of staying in hospitals because the only other people that feel this way are ******* crazy.
I don’t feel like I’m insane but I need help.

Best regards,
Kristen

The memories we created are on repeat in my head.
The songs on the radio give me flashbacks.
You told me so many beautiful things,
That I recently found out were lies.
I was so happy when you called me on my birthday,
Until you told me you had a new girlfriend.

-*KM

the easiest and the hardest thing to write about
is love.

it is the most unique emotion a human can go through.
everyone questions if love is real.
if love is a feeling
why don't they question
if happiness is real?
sadness?

I believe love is a mixture of everything.
the way you wake up in the morning,
if you have a partner next to you
or not,
you can still feel love.

It doesn't have to be between two beings.
Although lovely,
I find the most beautiful love in myself.

I always knew I was never the favorite. What I loved was what you hated. Unmade beds, ranch dressing, and drawing. You woke up early and went to bed the same, I always thought it was because you tried your best not to see me. The fighting was full of empty words and slamming of cupboards. You tried to find me in the bottom of a wine bottle but once it was empty I was still the same person. It's not my fault I look like him. It's not my fault you decided to treat me like this. Months passed and we reconciled but I still can't find words to conjure up a conversation with you at the dinner table. Even though I'm able to help empty that wine bottle with you now, you still won't find who you want me to be at the bottom.

    -*KM

the rawness in the feeling
of being caught between your sheets,

the smell of your cologne
and all of our thoughts

the sun's peeking through the curtains
telling me it's time to get up.

but I could stay here all day
if it meant being with you.

-*KM

You've ****** me over so many times,
But I'll always have a soft spot for you.

-*KM

"It's impossible to worry about anything else when there's blood coming out of you."

-*short term 12

rockstars break hearts.
they write about feelings
everyone has.

you want so badly to tell them
how much those composed
lyrics mean to you,

but there's so many other innocents
out there who want to do the same.

you want them to really know you.
you want them to know that connection
that you have with them.

the only way you can meet them
is through a stupid meet and greet
where every other "fan"
tells them the same.

all I want to do
is smoke a cigarette with you
and thank you for the lyrics
that saved me.

but I simply can't.
not being able to meet you
simply breaks my own heart.

-*KM

It's only been 24 hours
and the thing I miss most is your smell.
Because I know that when that scent surrounds me,
your arms are holding me tight and
your lips are pressed against my forehead.
There's acoustic music playing in the background
and you smell of Dove soap,
the same soap I have used every time to bathe
since I was five.
But it never smelled that good until I met you.

I love you
I love you
I love you.

It never sounds real
until it's verbal.

-*KM

My toes choke the sand.

I run into a dying barrel

Stumbling into a stream of euphoria.

My life stops as the white foams’ is only beginning.

I’m stuck in the moment I don’t want to get out of

But I have to if I want to keep my pulse.

Life’s kinda funny that way.

      -*KM

You're my lovely muse.
I hum along to your words.
I wish you knew me.

     -*KM

you are right for me
in so many
wrong ways

you are wrong for me
in so many
right ways

how do I choose?

They say I'm too young to know what love is.
But the way you make me feel like a wondrous child,
is the reason why I'm in love.

-*KM