these cotton sheets no longer wear your name like it's their favorite cologne, but the room surrounding this prison of a bed has yet to be decluttered of you

faded purple flowers sit in a vase on my desk, they've been there since my last good memory of you, back when you said you loved me too

a promise ring that no longer lives on my left hand, buried deep in the back of my jewelry box bound to be forgotten and stumbled upon years from now, when memories of you will make me smile instead of cry

and there's a box in the corner of the room with ******* letters on the side spelling out your name. inside sits the sweatshirt you gave me years before, headphones and a cd, pictures, tokens of our memories. folded nearly on top is a letter written to you, telling you that i'm still madly in love with you and your forest eyes, telling you that i don't think my heart will ever forget the man who brought it to life. on the backside of that letter is a poem asking why you ever came back if it was her the entire time

let me tell you about the sunshine girl
cloaked in copious shades of yellow
radiating kindness and hope
from every atom of her being
a single girl who is brighter than the universe in its whole
she has a heart filled with celestial beauty
and hands that carry galaxies
always found on her rooftop
admiring the moon and her stars
or
van gogh's sunflowers
loving that he and she alike
swallowed yellow paint in search for happiness
using the brightness of yellow
to escape the darkness of their minds for awhile
and while you think she's just admiring
the moon
poetry
and paintings
deeply thinking
or daydreaming
she's really waiting for a shooting star
to hear her wish
and take her far, far away from here

tell me how you're able to do that
how do you carry all of those stars in your eyes?
how do you breath in the negativity and breathe out light?
tell me how you filled your heart with liquid sunsets
and your soul with symphonies
tell me these things
and i'll tell you how extraordinary it is to have fallen in love with you.

the smell of boy
the faint smell of perfume
a crazy cat and a yappy dog
***** clothes litter the floor
the television constantly displaying some sort of video game
and a beautiful boy
with the most astonishing hazel eyes lying in bed next to me
this is happiness, this is home

your eyes once reminded me of a forest
filled with oak trees and evergreens
i moved in without a second thought
and made my home among the trees
dwelling in the woods that thrived in your eyes
but quickly i learned it was all an illusion
for the trees shed their color
and i was trapped in seclusion
the forest in your eyes was filled with nothing but darkness
a place haunted by past lovers
of dreams
and things long forgotten
i was added to the list of things no longer wanted
i wanted nothing else but to leave
but i got lost within the eternal darkness
and here i am, nemoricultrix

someday i wish to be the poem
instead of the one writing the artful lines
i want to see myself
through someone else's eyes
i want to turn my heart off
to put my feelings on pause for awhile
to have someone else write about my smile
i want to be numb, for just a day or two
to take a walk in somebody else's shoes
i long to be the creation
the words from someone else's pen

i hope at some point she makes you think of me

i hope you go to say her name but stumble over mine with your twisted tongue because you always dated girls whose names started with 'm'

i hope when you are slowly tracing your fingertips along her spine, you close your eyes and secretly wish it were me you were tracing like the pages of your favorite book

i hope when you see her smile and cause an uproar of laughter from the depths of her soul, that you remember the way you described my smile as ever changing and now you will never get to see them all

i hope that when she reads you something she writes and the words are rolling off her tongue, you just stare at her teeth and think of the first thing i ever wrote for you

i hope at some point she makes you think of me, i hope she tastes like cold winter nights and has eyes that resemble the moon.

i hope she makes you happy.