I wish you guys loved me enough to be here for me.
I'm sorry that I'm not enough for you. I'm sorry I'm not the daughter you wanted.
I'm sorry that I'm not worth a family. I'm sorry that I'm useless and worthless.
I'm sorry that I cant make you guys happy.
I want nothing more than to go back in time and live forever in the moments where I felt like we were all a family.
Because now the only thing i want to do is disappear and stop existing so I dont have to feel so alone.
I want to stop pretending that I'm ok, I want to stop pretending that I dont feel empty and dead on the inside.
I want to stop pretending like I dont feel abandoned and left in the dust.
I want to stop loving you guys because it only tears me into pieces everytime I try and I'm left with nothing but stifiling anxiety that I no longer matter to you guys.
I dont know you guys anymore. And no one cares. That's the part the really kills me. That I sit here and cry until my head feels like exploding because everyone leaves me.
Everyone replaces me. I'm always number 2 and I just want to feel normal. But I cant. Because these ghost haunt me.
In my dreams, in my life, in my love, in my hate.
These ghost have taken every inch of me.
Suffocating me.
Frozen fingers splayed across my neck, they choke me.
Until I cant speak.
Until I'm silenced by the viciousness of which it steals my light.
It brings me to the other side and pulls my hair, punches me, stabs me.
Until I bleed.
But only for a minute and then I wake up, drenched in sweat.
Promising myself that I will never feel again.
I wish so intensely that my bones quiver.
I wish so much that my luck is gone. Just wishing that I could be apart of you again.
That I could come from somewhere. But I was born alone.
Born to ghost that dance at night. Unseen but heard as chilling noises in the night.
Untouched but felt as cold breath across your back.
I was born to ghosts and secrets that cage me.
A ghost is a wish.
And I wish I could exist.

Why do I try
When all I do is fail
It's a bitter thing
which taste so stale

Unlike these tears
Which fall in a salty haste
I can't seem to keep up here
As everything I do is at a unacceptable pace

Why am I giving a thought
when each one crash lands
I'm everything perfect is not
And I'm being crushed beneath expectations hands

My eyes are heavy
I can barely move
My body slowly shutting down
From the three straight days without sleep
I hope I dream if I tumble into the soft clutches of slumber

Beneath the Evergreen trees
a desolate land buried beneath the frozen comfort of snow
lays a land trifled by the spirit of the wilderness
ringing out in a distance the serenade of howls

The clipped call of winged, feathered brothers
sing their forlorn songs
perched vulnerably upon a branch
high in the tree tops that brush the hovering clouds

The cold rages on like an unforgiving beast
It's icy breath consuming the lives of many
yet prospering the lives of many other

Misunderstood and hunted
by their brothers of two legs
they dwindle by a thin string
which weaves their fate

Thunderous footfalls beat the solid ground
demanding that it lay still beneath the wrath
of such powerful paws

The wolf in all it's glory
peers out from the thicket
curious to who is among them

Lifting their muzzles to the sky
they unleash a song so much more beautiful
and endearing than that of the greatest symphony

Warning the others that danger is near.

I learned to adore you
In all the best ways
The way the sunset in your eyes
Nights spent cherishing your body
Turns into day

Your soul was damaged just like mine
Full of bruises black and blue
Scratched all on the surface
Like a record that sings the blues

I always claimed to be so alone
Eyes made of thunder clouds
But In your presence I was home

Hands pressed against the stained glass
It’s hard to see your face
and I miss that place

Now the streets feel lonely
And rainstorms make me cry
And I don’t see sunsets in the dusk sky
And I hate
When
You cry

What is life?
What defines living?
Is it the labored breaths,
that fill weak lungs?
Or is it the rush,
that fills frozen viens?
Is it the feeling of love,
or the feeling of pain?
Is it the swish of long hair,
or the curve of small hips?
Is it soft skin,
or soft lips?
Is it  what we wear?
Or how we talk?
Is it who we are,
or how we walk?
Tell me because I'm unsure,
do we really know the answer,
to what defines anything anymore?

The fog clears,
and you're standing there.
Wings spread out around you,
in your angelic beauty.

Your black hair is like oil in water,
against the ****** white of your wings.
They hover in the cool air above,
and your eyes, electric blue, pierce my own.

Never in my life had I felt so safe,
and yet know I was in terrible danger as well.
Danger of walking grounds
I had long ago taped shut with caution.

You were made up of every fantasy that lie beneath,
and yet I could feel that you were every fear as well.
The only question in my mind is,
are you my angel from heaven or from hell?

Are you acquainted with this feeling?
Of being so small
With trembling little hands
You wish you were tall

Tall enough to see the world
Large enough to be seen
Or are you stuck in this lonely plane
Where faces look so mean

Every word can crush you
Every look can drive you mad
You're stuck inside this circle
Of constantly feeling sad

Your tears no longer suit you
You try to fix your face
Do your thoughts attack you
As you try to find your place?

Are you running out of breath
Are you running out of space
Can you feel the blood pumping
As your heart picks up the pace

Will it always feel this daunting
Will we always be so alone
Insecurities are so haunting
I just want to go back home

Do you think this life is for me
Could it be my time to leave
Will I wander so far away
That I dissapear into the trees

Could it be that I am diagnosed
With Lonely Heart disease
So even if you hold me close
I run back to the trees

It seems it is my only home
The only place of peace
Please take me back inside
The safety of your leaves.

There is something lurking so deep inside of me,
that just doesn't feel right.
Maybe it's from always expecting
that I have to fight.
I just want to give in
and put down my guard
Why does that have to be so hard?

It's written in my scars
each one a tale of its own
Some speak of how I won
and some speak of how I don't
Each one gives me stregnth
to keep moving on
Each one reminds me
that misery only last so long
It's only bitter for a sour minute,
only cold while the wind blows.
It just reminds me that my dreams will follow
anywhere I go.

I woke up feeling wrong,
Looked in the mirror and felt unsettled in my skin
Who am I? Where did I come from?
Why do I question things? Where did answers begin?
Why do I speak?
Why is this voice a part of me
Is my soul a real thing?
Are they real, the things I see?
Where do I go when I die?
Is it blackness, a dark and endless sky?
Will I know I'm me when I no longer breathe?
Will I think about these unimportant things?
Will I remember my loves, my hardships. my joys?
Will I remember the things that fixed me and the things that destroyed?
How about my memories? Will they matter at all?
Do these events add up to my impending rise to fall?
Will I remember why I woke up feeling so wrong?
Or will the death of me silence my song?

Night fell over the land
Washing it in it's foreboding shadow
The wind whistled a tune promising tragedy
The symphony of a thousand hooves beating the earth
Sang along with the gust of the nights frosty breath
Cries of war hanging overhead

"Here come the Knights!"
Men cheered as they readied for battle
Armor draping over flesh
Swords thrusting, piercing the sky

"This night our savior shall prevail!"
The men declared
Placing their souls in the hands of one
They hoist themselves upon their steed

"We ride tonight, We ride to fight!"
A roar of agreement breaks through the darkness
Cloaked in their will to live
They rode out with a thousand demons on their trail

"We will not surrender!"
They shouted a promise so thick with emotion
"We fight for our women, our children, our land!"
They cried a devotion only a warrior could hold
"We fight, our souls be ******!"

My bodies heavy
Craving sleep like a drug
Perhaps these pills coursing in my veins
Have no effect on my immortal mind

The mind that howls at the moon
While my mortal body begs for slumber
Begs these midnight hours
To release me from this sleepless prison

Day turns to night, night turns to day
And yet still my eyes remain open
My mind buzzing, buzzing, buzzing
Questioning me

The darkness strains my eyes
And this tiredness drains my limbs
Insomnia, I'm minutes away from crashing
Let me shut down!

But no my mind simply restarts
And I'm back to square one
In this helpless coma
Where my thoughts hold me hostage

Break
In Half
Broken Dreams Everywhere
They Litter The Floor
I Can't Bare This Anymore
My Heart Is Bleeding Out Again
My Thoughts Are Breaking Out Of Me
They Say Bad Things Happen For A Reason
My Bad Things Happen Every Day Of Every Season

Subtle breeze
Blowing trees
As we lay here
Eyes turned up

Broken hearts
Fall apart
As we lay here
Hands locked together

Energy electrifies
Breathing intensifies
As we lay here
Lips trace each other

Needing you
Needing me
As we lay here
One together

Moving bodies
Shattered hobbies
As we are here
Forever

Torment me
Torment you
As we lay here
No longer one

All alone
Next to me
You disappear
With the breeze
Into the trees

The nights turned black
the moon is dead,
The shadows rise,
come for your head,
don't scream,
they'll only smile,
don't make a sound,
they're coming
close your eyes
nevermore will they see
plug your ears
nevermore will they hear,
hold your breath
nevermore will they breathe
oh...
these monsters are me

The rain beats against the blemished glass of my window
Leaves lay brown and crumpled on the ground
A frozen memory of a yesterday's sorrow
Tell me, what is that terrifying sound?

The one that repeats inside of this tormented head
The one that pounds and screams to be let out
The one that tucks me in inside my bed
It fills my soul, my heart. my bones, my doubt.

I feel it aching like age in these worn out muscles
I feel it weighing my shoulders down
I feel it like flames of some vengeance seeking fire
I feel it as I watch Autumn make it's rounds

This seasonal pain is breaking my heart
I'm like Fall as I fall apart

Broken hearts and shattered dreams
All fray away with unraveled seams

Long for the day to be set free
In wanderlust out by the sea

Listen to the waves they crash and pull
Like musical tunes the sounds will lull

But lonely hearts travel alone
And nowhere ever feels like home

Not out by the vast blue sea
Or in the depths of ripe green trees

These places won't remember me
As lonely hearts are never seen

Not by the eyes of passing souls
Or by the eyes who make us whole

No, lonely hearts must pay a toll
Oh, where do the lonely hearts go?

I placed my heart inside a box of steel
so that I would never feel.
I locked up all the chains,
so that I wouldn't feel pain.

I broke the key,
so no one could get to me.
I hid it deep inside,
where no one would find.

But you hold the map to my heart,
and the key that broke it open.
I should've known
I wouldn't be left alone.

Stare at the evidence,
that weapon you used to **** her.
The blood that stains the carpet,
the frantic smears of tears and fear.

Does it shame you,
knowing what you've done?
Are you guilty,
of what you've become.

Head lowered, eyes cast to the floor,
walking through all of these doors.
You can't look me in the eye,
or tell me why.

But you took her life,
with a dull jagged edge knife.
Buried in her flesh over again,
as she wailed for it to end.

You slung her up and tossed her down,
sealed the deal as you watched her drown.
Dusted off your hands and turned away,
did you think about the life you decided to take?

Shadows lurk in me, 
I am to scared of that particular darkness, to explore it, 
I wish someone would just take my hand, tell me I'm going to be alright, 
I want to be the one to be soothed, 
Always being the one to soothe others, 
I want to be the one to ask for help and receive, 
Instead of being the one to give it, 
I suppose I'm asking too much,

If you hate me just say it
I wish you could see
That you're slowly
So slowly killing me
Dying with every wasted breath
Destroyed by every criticism that you spit out
I hate you so much sometimes
I want to leave
But Im stuck
In your claws
Sooner or later we all leave
Sooner than later you'll break down
Soon you'll have no one around
You push us all so far away
You tuck us away in a box of your own
Imprisoned
After I help you
After I give to you
I gave to you when I had nothing!
This time it's different
Don't look for me
When you need help

The sunlight of the fading day melted
Breaking off into a starry sky
Sometimes I wish I could disappear
Into nothing but the stars
So bright and beautiful
So beautiful

Hush of silent trees
Howl of the forlorn night
Cool hand of the wind

Watch me wither and decay
As I linger and chip away
I'm fading from this place

My hearts fallen out of my chest
and I've tried my very best
to sew it back in

My soul is wearing thin
and I wait for it to take over my skin
As I fall apart

This sad song keeps playing in my head
As my conscious realizes I am dead
Buried deep beneath my sins

Take this empty shell of me
Twist it into to dust, you'll see
There's nothing left to give

I'm falling away

I'm sorry
For all the hate
All the anger
The confusion

I'm lost
Not very sure
Trying to keep up

Something new
Is around every corner
Threatening
Sometimes sweet

It tests me
Test my love
My faith in myself

Its shaking me
Stirring me
STAND UP

But I still love
I forgive
I'll try again

So should you
I believe
I care

You can do it
The dream
Lives in our veins