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The sky is electric blue
And though it's getting lighter,
It feels like it's getting dimmer.

I can't remember what I said to you the last time we spoke,
But I remember the way your sky blue eyes contrasted my own
which were stained red with rage.
I had never seen you angry and I think that's why I hated you.
Because you were everything I wanted to be but couldn't.
I wanted you to despise me,
Because you were perfect and I was inconceivably flawed,
And the thought of something so pure admiring my tainted soul tasted like shards.
I wanted to crack your glass eyes,
Slit my wrists with the remnants,
Make you understand what happens when you give your heart to someone who doesn't want it.
and though I didn't want you I needed you.
And I know that's a cliche,
But that writer you made me love embraced his so why shouldn't I embrace
Ours?

The trees are black against the now pale sky,
Their silhouettes look the way the tiger stripes of your irises did,
The way your faded scars did against your olive branch skin .
And goddamit why did you have to ruin the sky too?
I'm sick of everything becoming yours
You told me to stop giving myself away to everyone but you just keep taking
Take.
Take it all. 
I don't want it without you.
The electrons in the clouds are sleeping again
They're too tired to keep shocking me with images of your now permanently closed eyes .
And I can't help but wonder if when they sealed your eyes shut
If you were relieved because you had grown tired of trying to light up my permanently dark sky.
My life has turned into
Late night showers
Midnight tears
Early morning sorrows
Miday fears
This vicious cycle eats at my soul
With pain and stories untold
Everyday it starts again
All I need is my missing friend
As humans we aren't meant to comprehend truth, because of it i'm drowning

There is a boat i won't grab onto, for the boat is only for believers

The people try to pull me in, but i won't adjust so i'm only pulling them down with me

I pulled 2 people down with me, now they're gone. I'm still drowning ...

The boat doesn't even matter anymore, I drift under the sea blanket of insanity.
Walk under no ladders and step on no crack,
carry some salt in your pockets
and do not look back.
If you see a black cat, jump out of its way,
today is the thirteenth and
it's Friday all day.
What the eye does not see,
the heart does not grieve for
But when the truth comes out,
it will always hurt more
Blinded by love, I failed to see
how much of an ******* you were to me
Perhaps too young, too crazy, & free,
but I'll never understand why you did that to me
They say if you love somebody,
then you should set them free
As you never came back,
I think it was meant to be
I am not bitter or angry anymore,
in fact my life has been better
since you walked out the door
I thank you for the gift in which you gave to me
A very special treasure, it truly is a pleasure
I gave you a chance,
in fact I gave you so many
But you couldn't be bothered
to even spend a penny
The door was still open, but nobody came
I should have known it would still be the same
It is not my place to play God with life,
but if you don't make the effort,
you're not worth the strife
Perhaps one day you might make the call,
to make the wrongs right, & not start a fight
I hope by then it's not too late,
but I suppose I can't change fate
I would like to think we are at peace with each other
At one point in time, you were my finest lover
Some people just aren't meant to be together,
but that doesn't mean you are lonely forever
Somewhere there is someone who dreams of your smile
& finds in your presence that life is worthwhile
So when you are lonely, remember it's true,
somebody somewhere is thinking of you

*& that someone is not me
The past is gone and washed away
Those scars and tears were yesterday's
I'm new I'm clean
I'll be who I can
The future is right here in the palm of my hand
The past is a story, that I'm done telling
The hope and joy that will come,
Keeps swelling
I'm moving on stronger each day
Now all I have to do is find my way
Goodbye demons, doubts, and pain
I'm going to go out and enjoy the rain
That rain will wash you away
And then I'll start with a brand new day
 Feb 2015 kathleen nicholson
JJ
I loved you with my heart so much,
Now its broken in two,
I miss the days of you and me,
Now there's no longer you

I remember the day we chose our dresses,
Our dance,
I was never the same

My heart longs for that oh so gentle
Now that touch has gone away

Our first kiss was our last,
Goodbye to the memories,
I still love you so
Perhaps it's time to move on now,
Goodbye, I have to go
You shall remain in my heart...
I've got scars
             not the kind you can see
       Mine bleed on the inside
                           In the same places yours bleed into the sink
                 I've never taken a knife to my flesh
                                  But you've cut me with words
       I miss you
                  I can't believe you've been gone so long
         My shot glass has your name on it
                        So I can remember why I'm drinking
                You left me here alone
                              And I'm struggling through
                        Point is Darlin'
                                     *I love you
The Suicide Diaries
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