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Kat Francis Oct 2016
That eerie afternoon she looked at herself. Swiftly so that she wouldn’t get disheartened. She noticed the thousand lipstick stains the sun had planted on her. Then she saw the place where he had masticated on her once fragile, delicate skin. Now dithering and dilapidated by the devil. She felt her mind blunder, which was better for her. It was better than her having to feel the agony of being a walking broken art piece.
Kat Francis Aug 2023
Today I woke up to the warm feeling of your love, more delicate than I’d seen it in you. More sweet and delicious, more ripe, more bare.

I wish I could hold onto every thread of your love, your warm love, keep counting all the places you spelled my name with flowers in the trees.
I wish you loved the freedom in my soul as much as you loved the idea of me. I’ll see you now and again, in dreams where you visit me.
Kat Francis Aug 2023
All I do is torture myself
By dreaming of you
And dreaming of something else’s
Kat Francis Oct 2023
A very old man
Huffed and puffed and wheezed his way to a computer in the library today
Thank god there was aircon

I’m so tired of looking at Instagram
I can’t imagine having to huff and puff and wheeze up 6 flights when I’m walking with a cane

I once took Xanax and made sand angels on the beach for hours
There’s so much space on the beach

I bet it was easier to be Paul Varjak in the 60s
They still had stairs,
But otherwise, all you looked at were the clouds and your typewriter.
Kat Francis Oct 2023
The milk in this cereal is going to **** me up later
Every day I fight feelings of emptiness

And the cinemas in Paris have bedbugs.
But that’s alright because the sky above the seine at 9 pm in summer could cure anything.
Except bedbugs.
Kat Francis Oct 2023
In Paris I can pretend I'm a piece of seaweed

But I don’t.
Because I could never stand to be alone in silence.
Not even when the church bells ring.
Kat Francis Oct 2023
Tonight I fall asleep with you on my lips
I just got back from Paris and I think I'm still in love with my ex.
I feel like I'm putting on the slippers of my old ghost.

Now I think I was just ovulating.

But I want before sunset,
And passion that radiates out of me
Like the pressure of blood being pushed through veins, that I can’t stop.

A single look can hold infinité passion.
A whole relationship could hold nothing.
Kat Francis Sep 2019
I don’t understand anything
I only understand the sea
The minuscule ripples flirting with me
The gulls above me singing their song
There’s no other place that I belong.
I don’t understand how words can be real
When with a single breath they no longer feel
What words promised you- but also touch
He touched my skin but also my soul
God told me to walk but I said no
Why would you take this away from me?
Why would it please you to watch me bleed
Because I’ve lost so much blood
I’m barely walking
My heart is a flood
Of emotions
Of nothings
Of words that were said
My heart is wreck and those words are now dead.
I'm happier now. But I found a poem he wrote me, with words so real. Pity its not what he really feels.
Kat Francis Aug 2023
On nights like this I wish I could stop my thinking. Drown it away.

Smoke it away.

Drink it away.

I don’t have ****, because I’m abroad, and it’s not illegal and all.

I won’t drink it away though, because I’m trying to be healthy, and I never had a **** hangover.



Because thinking at a time like this… is awful.

The worst case scenario, if I avoid thinking, I spare myself the torture. But what if, in fact, the worst case scenario is true? Then what?

And what does it even mean?

Thinking about that is way worse.

And I don’t want to.

All I can do is hope, and pray maybe.



So I just wanna drink it away.

Or smoke it away.

Can’t really do those though, so I took a cool shower, listened to music. Washed my face. Came and sat here across my window to write.

As Woody Allen said in Annie Hall, life is either miserable or horrible, be thankful that you’re miserable, that’s very lucky, to be miserable.
Not really a poem.
Kat Francis Aug 2023
My wrists ache
From these chains

I pull harder and harder
And I know one day I will escape

But only when I’m bleeding
And to bleed will feel so good

And to leave will feel so good
To run from this tormentor

I think he likes when I try escape
I think he likes when I show pain

When he watches
I will only smile
Kat Francis Aug 2023
I wish I could drag you into my wildest dreams
And we’d play like children

And you’d look after me
As we stroked on gently into slow living
And I kissed your cheeks in the kitchen
And we watched clouds from our garden
And rode bikes down to the water
And held hands as the sun set
Kat Francis Dec 2018
I don't know how much longer I can keep being haunted by my memories

I want to kiss you
Feel your hands around my neck
Always did feel safe there
Now I’m scared I’d be a wreck

I want to kiss you
Then hide and slit my wrists
I wanna climb up on the wall
There’s a stranger in my midst

I don’t want to kiss you
It’s tainted
It’s broken?
I want to run away but I keep looking back
Are my arms still open ?
Kat Francis Mar 2019
I told her I felt empty but I don’t.
Gravity has never felt stronger
Pulling me into the dirt
I can’t be here for much longer

I told her I felt empty but I don’t
This heaviness weighs inside of me like a train
Drawing every inch of my blood as it comes closer
If I really felt empty, I wouldn't feel pain

I told her I felt empty but I don’t
There’s a barrier in my mind that doesn’t allow me to cross
And I dream of the day
my body becomes one with the moss

When I think about it I feel empty
Lying in the forest, becoming one of the trees
I’ll look up through the branches
And view the sky through its leaves

When I think about it I feel empty
But not in a bad way
I feel at peace
Because I don’t want to stay.

When I think about it I start crying
My life is special, and I am happy
I have memories and I have dreams
So dying makes me kind of sappy.

I told her I felt empty but I don’t.
Inside me a thousand emotions are at play
And there are good days, so good
That it makes me want to stay.
Kat Francis Aug 2023
I miss you endlessly, deeply
I miss you pridefully
and wounded

Desire for you to bruise
Anything but my heart
Hold me firmly while you comfort my eyes with yours

And then govern me with your body.
This time I’ll pay attention
To the sensation of your hand against my skin
I’ll follow it as it moves down my body

And I promise not to stop you
This time

I’ll let you go where you want
Let you own me
A while ago.
Kat Francis Aug 2023
Suddenly I look for you
In crowded bars
In the darkness of nighttime streets

I look for you in the muscle
Of big tall men
Around the corners of every turn

I look for you in my sleep
And in my daydreams
I long for you in my darkest moments
Kat Francis Aug 2023
As I melt away
Into the still day
With anxious thoughts and unfamiliar spaces
I can’t help but wonder if my lostness will ever become found.
Kat Francis Dec 2018
Maybe it’d be better if I died.
All the pain would ease out of existence
The racing thoughts that grip and squeeze my brain
Would erupt into the universe like rain from a cloud
I would not cry tears anymore
I would not feel the agony that stabs like a knife
Blood against heart
Until the spiked feeling when your body lets go
And the warm water empties from your eyes
Maybe it’d be better if I died.
The world is repulsive
And I don’t believe in love anymore
But wait
That’s it.
I don’t even love myself.
Maybe it’d be better if I didn’t die.
Cause people only care about themselves
So you might as well too.
Maybe it’d be better if I didn’t die.
Because maybe that’s not what its about.
Maybe
Nobody ever loves me
But maybe that’s not what its about.
Maybe it’d be better if I didn’t die.
Because I haven’t seen New York
And New York makes me want to live.
There’s meadows and rivers and trees and forests.
If I die.
Maybe I should go there first.
still haven't decided
Kat Francis Mar 2018
My mind is too much
I often can't breath.
I'm trapped in an oyster,

I can't control it, it's too much you see.
I'm lost and alone, and there's no where to hide.
Then I see him, i feel better.

My soul is home, but still it shakes.
In his arms I feel safe, let me never leave his side.
But my mind is too much,
So one day it might die.
a badly written poem about a badly felt feeling
Kat Francis Aug 2023
Silent thought, you’ve become the midday distance in my eyes
Looking through time, creating never-destinies

Silent thought, but so loud in my mind
Though your eyes melt
Like honey, into my soul
I find the markings of your face dissipate

My silent thought
I speak of you too often
I write of you too often
While another sits on your mind

And maybe your face.
Probably.
Kat Francis Aug 2023
I want to find myself far away from you
And your shallow net of love
Too easily I slipped from your fingers
Too easily I dissipated from your mind

I want to find myself in headlights of dark highways  
And foreign gas stations on roads unknown
Where I’ll feel whole in the lust of mystery
Where fresh beginnings grow on every corner

Where the scent of the air breathes differently
And color of the trees shine brighter
I want to find myself away from your memory
I fear how far I’ll have to outrun the roots of our intertwined youth.
I don’t want you to exist to me anymore.
Note: I made it to Paris, and I found myself in all the places I wanted to, without him.
Kat Francis Mar 2019
forever is a long time

to feel pain

promise i wont feel this way forever
Kat Francis Jul 2020
When, if ever be, will I feel again
The divine inspiration channeled down
Heavens gift of treacherous love and pain
which languishes poets and mounts their frown

I’ve forgotten the touch of lips on lips
As mature and pure as the earth is old
And guilt of my blood from him it drips
Hold centuries of these stories untold

If it be, I never feel lips once more
Memories run through the earth in letters
I shall open these books, through them explore
Love and heart, through another man’s pleasures

Till then, I’ll read, and I’ll write, and I’ll weep
Easing emptiness with merciless sleep.
Kat Francis Jan 2018
I don't like this feeling
this numbness in my head
I looked out that window
and watched with velocity
as the raindrops raced
to the back of the car.

I don't like this feeling
asleep when I'm awake.
When she speaks
my mind can no longer
undress the image of you
so I'm left mindless and empty.

I don't like this feeling
can't even lay in the bath
without writing a poem
so that I have someone
to talk to.

I don't like not being able
to finish this **** thing.
Because when I look up
I'm alone.

I hate that everything
I want to write
Is a
Description
Of
You.
Written sometime between 2015-2016
Kat Francis Nov 2020
I’m not going to write poems about him.
I’d rather pretend there weren’t a thousand words collecting
Like a hurricane against my dry autumn heart
And phantom knives that plunge into my chest
Only to leave me still depleted and alive
Enough, to feel the aching that it left me with.
No knife pains as much as the absence of a soul.
My blade traced skin will assure you of this
My silver marked wrists promise me that
Every opened wound will heal eventually.
Kat Francis Mar 2019
I don’t like my phone. I like looking at stuff on it, but I don't like to be on it. I kind of wish I could throw it away.

Have you ever stood in the sea and wanted to melt into it.
Become part of it
That way you can touch Italy at the same time that you touch Australia,
stretching
I think it'd be great to be the sea
How about a cloud
you're cold. With you, you bring coldness
You don't travel too far
and then one day
you let go and turn into nothing
raining down on the world beneath you
No, I wouldn't want to be a cloud
something without pain
elephants feel pain
dogs feel pain
emotionally I mean.

I don't want to be a rose
because someone once called me a rose
thinking he picked me
and I died.
Kat Francis Mar 2020
The sea is dark
A deep dark
Black
And it’s surface white of reflections of what is left of the light.
The sky looks like a Neverland picture in my head
The dark clouds above the ocean line fuse into an orange which blends into the tiniest yellow and then lime before grasping the lightest and most humbling turquoise. Then suddenly, the ocean in the sky, the blue. This blue which stretches and climbs higher than my eyes will take me.
On this dark ocean there are sprinkles of light, sharp and beautiful light.
I wonder how long it would take for me to swim there.
This ocean in front of me now screams wonder. I don’t know where the sea meets at the other end. To my left, the ocean meets my mountain. One I have looked at my whole life, one I  have neglected and then loved again. And then neglected again.
I’m drawn to this ocean on my right. I want to know where it will take me.


..

There are no stars in this sky. The smallest and tiniest claw of a moon is hanging where the lime meets the turquoise in the sky. Two o’clock from him, the one and only star in my gaze. It’s 20.45, Friday the 27th of December 2019; this is what the sky looked like tonight.
Kat Francis Mar 2020
my life is buried
in all of the poems i did not write
Kat Francis Jun 2017
Under the tarnished light
With boisterous cacophony that wrestled and clashed
She sat.
That morning her heart hadn't just thumped, but it wanted to
Since the annihilated moment
She sat.
But now she sat with an emptiness
Not the bathetic kind by mediocre poets
The kind where you feel the vacancy beneath the skin of your chest.
She sat.
Until she could garner the courage to stand , she sat.
Watching while the aliens roared and laughed, she sat.
But she knew that by just sitting, she'd never move forward.
Kat Francis Jan 2018
If there is a god
I believed in him
When he gave me you, I breathed him in.
Every breath was your scent and his holiness
And when you left all I felt was the loneliness.
My fingers miss your skin and my ears miss your voice
If god took you away then I won’t rejoice.
Because I only found him in your eyes
Now that you’re gone, its god I despise.
I gave you my heart and for the second time
And again you left it, it’s not yours, it’s not mine.
So I’ll smile and try to go on with my day
And when I get to bed, I’ll try cry you away.
Out of my system, the place you most belong
Onto my pillow, while I weep a sad song.
I loved him with my soul.

— The End —