i used to write about him
endlessly
in tattered journal pages
and in cheesy poems
but i didn't want to admit it

i didn't want to admit
the fact that he was gone
and writing him into paper
wasn't going to bring back
the person i once knew

i didn't want to admit
that i wasn't in love-
that instead, i was cold and lonely
for endless summer nights
in the pitch black vacuum of my room
when everyone else was sound asleep
and i should've been, too
i guess at that time
i just didn't want to admit
the fact that i was too busy writing
to realize i was just lying to myself

so this is me finally admitting it-
this is my apology letter
for blindly lying to myself,
for believing the miserable lie
that writing about him
would bring us back to life

because so far it hasn't worked
and i'm undeniably sick
of lying to myself
and ignorantly believing it will

I'd want to be a ****. I don't
want to be a colorful blooming
thing, fanning my delicate
petals, waiting to be plucked
and pinned for others'
viewing pleasure. I would be
a ****, no better
than anyone else, a flower
so persistent
I'm a nuisance. Go ahead.
Cover me in concrete.
I'll grow through it, cracking
the black, my face reaching
up for the sun.

I wan't to be close to you
Feel connected to you
Emotionally and physically
No layers just skin on skin
Knowing that I don't have to hide anything
To see you raw, pure and free
So that when I look at you truth is all I see...

That girl
an abstract beauty
with a dictionary of words unable to define her

She is perfectly imperfect
with a broken heart
that few will ever see

The way she spoke and moved
had boys chasing her like a setting sun
that was just too far away

She creates art with everything she does
and yet she remains unaware of the art
that is her own body, mind and soul

That abstractly beautiful girl

A midnight dream
a morning spark
my words help me bring light in the dark

I write to remember
I write to forget
words for a certain mind-set

They often confuse
generating questions
with only a few minor exceptions

I want to make sense
I want to be clear
but my words often engulf me with fear

I make mistakes
I always do
I guess that means I’m human too

So, read my words
consider their meaning
and choose which ones you find appealing.

It is such a shame to witness such tragedy
to see a girl grow up.
A girl who once believed so passionately in fairy tales
in magic, her fragile mind amongst the clouds.
But now she has now been struck down by the reality of her demons
Demons in her mind who make her afraid to love
and force her to believe there is no such thing as happy ending
or a dream come true...