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Jason Nel Oct 2014
we fought again, inevitable difference
this one was the hardest




took my sober soul and cleansed my thoughts with evil

i sit and cry on a beautiful summer's eve
i blame myself for all of this
because i hurt you again, i think

i am so sorry for the
that you did not deserve

i know i ****** up again
because my mother started asking questions
and i lost one of my only friends

thank you for enduring my bitterness
and hurt i inflicted

this cancer is healed
but the cancer-disfigured-wounds lay behind
and all we can do now is forgive the cancer for existing and forgive each other

This is truly one of my pieces that lay closest to my heart...
Jason Nel Sep 2014
Every gulf I take, intake of knowledge.
Intelligent, motionless, emotional and bare.
I know your soul and I thrive upon our conversations of religion and the loss thereof.
God loves you enough to forgive what you think and its wrongs.

Naked and bare, the milk flows.
White and pure and black and fierce.
You know who you are, I do not, and it pains me to think you ate domesticism.
I will not do the same.
You love me as I love myself and you warmed my heart at 4 o'clock.
I fell for you, I sunk away from feelings of pain as you rode off to our new journey.

Readily I stand there in the pathway to protect.
You have seen each piece of my paternal soul, yet you have not seen my kindred years.
All in time.
Only you hold my mirror.
Emotional intelligence, I value to see each cycle.
The Father, The Son, The Holy Ghost and The Brother.
I will always be there, deserved.
In conflict forgiven once more too.
Misunderstanding stood on death as well.

Deathly stares of blue.
My back turned on my best friend.
You sadden me, I sadden myself because I am the only one to blame.
You ****** the souls of two I only know and keep secret, hidden in the words of conversion.
He loves you, you love him.
You are eclipsed by being in love.
I value the distractions from the thought of losing your light.

Controversially you are crucified for being yourself.
But Jesus died for you first.
You died for me and I for you.
You took a piece of my hand, severed instantly by message.
You disappear for weeks upon years, yet only one sign of movement brings you back...

I love them as simple as death walks hand in hand with suicide,
my loves...
Jason Nel Jun 2014
Lingering eye contact.
Love at first sight?
A look of desire, "You're in pain."
Tears fall as I realize that love is lost at first shake and I rip my clothes at clutch.
Sweet embrace, fake and laced with pain of use.
You use me, but I let you.
But your love is never enough, I'm never enough.
I have to be tough.

Infatuation burned my right hand.
You're a permanent scar of dominance.
What can I do to let you know?
You can call me, "Babe."
Eyes and embrace take my soul to a deep blue.
A grip of pain, a cuff on attraction.
I read my Bible.
I see us in the spaces, I see us in the love God made for us.
And I pray.
Saturated by infatuation of your ***.
I ******' need you baby.
But does God agree?

Betrayed by the beauty of life and attracted by sin.
I can smell your body.
Spatial matter infiltrates the truth.
Your truth, ours too.
Drenched in optimistic beautiful lies, fill me with false hope and due dates to the end of the world.
I'm so happy?

I drift off and daydream of death's sweet kiss.
Strange thoughts turn to reality, strange days too.
Like these, Babe.
Days like these daydream of reality where I don't exist and neither do you.
We are beautiful together when we are nothing.
The passing trucks, loaded guns and pills never helped anyone and you are my suicide.

I pass through the light and air, I breathe.
I'm not daydreaming anymore and I thank you for taking me, finally.
I pray to meet you at the gates of light and I will be waiting.
I will always be waiting.
I will always talk to you.
I will always be second best.
But I will always be the best, because life is dark and life is light and I am neither and I am Gray.
Jason Nel Apr 2014
Your hand on my thigh, Your grip on my heart.
my heart drops into Your hand, the deepest corners of my earth.
You look back and forward for eyes wandering, drowning in nostalgia.

my eyes keep still on the idea of You.

You bring Your face to mine and turn my body into a home.
mouths touch - Your arms unbreakable.
You lay down on my lap of pain, Your head up to the lie-stained-sky.
I kiss You.

I wake up...
Jason Nel Mar 2014
In my darkest hour I beg for your voice:
A reply to let me feel once again,
a word to fill the emptiness of strength.
I want to embrace you; keep you from the evils of this world and it will be my last task...

Your memory of being is acidic:
I cannot bare being left to silence.
Save me from this reality,
save me from this today,
save me for your fantasy.

Your smell is sweet and nostalgic:
It rips me apart and envelops me.
Ride with the ice to your true home of arms.

I want you:
to be home,
more than existence,
more than air,
Because without you I cannot take in to breathe, to be the ice and the home of arms.

Your tears are gray and filled with the pain of seldom:
I will cry on your shoulder and you will cry on mine.
Your tears prove life and your existence imitates art.

You are sweet and kind hearted and I am infatuated by your existence which I cannot bare to leave for another...
Jason Nel Mar 2014
Another night, another day.
My thoughts echo like gunshots in my conscious mind.
I wore black and you wore nothing.
But its your birthday, and I'm home alone...
Jason Nel Mar 2014
a step forward
before I jump through the mirror
the looking glass
the rabbit hole

a jump into the darkness of my core

white walls
milky water
red thoughts
in my darkest hour

"Hello Doctor?"

scalpel of promotion
cuts of commercialism
the pain of a deal

"Signature here please..."

do I need this to succeed?

plastic skin
wax heart
formaldehyde brain
flesh bar code

"There are two types of Fame: The one is plastic, abusive and a sold out show. The other is where no one knows who you are, but everyone wants to know



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