Oh darling, you make me grateful
for gloomy summer days. The only way
I can feel close when you're so far away,
or gone entirely, or everywhere at once, I don't know
how it works. All I know is you're not here,
and wolves parade in friendly forged masks,
wishing their energy could be even
a fraction of yours. Pretending
they spend theirs the same ways as you.

Only you and I know the truth.
The darkness you hid from most
that I was so honored to share with you.
We'd remind each other to come up for air,
each stuck in our downward,
spiraling undersea dreams.

There was no one else like us.
I'll never be quite whole again. True love
that was never in love--the thing about us
is we are made of it. We were the packing peanuts
around all those we love, but when
there was no longer enough the box emptied out,
and I stay here still wishing it might fill.

i couldn't help but remember That day again.
"when you see what's going on, please text me."
how i called into work,
"my best friend passed away today. i can't come into work today.".
i couldn't stand up with wanting to fall back down.
i look up at the sky and ask you why?
why am i not up there with you?
why aren't you down here with me,
with us?
saying your name never got easier to say.
i didn't eat for days.
facing my family was the hardest part.
i wanted to talk to my dad about it,
about you.
i wanted him to hug me and tell me that you're still here,
looking down at us,
that you love us and we'll meet again.
i miss you dearly.

you're so precious and dear to me.
you've inspired me in every way and you've made me want to be alive.
but it's moments like these were i really miss you
and i miss you all the time.
i will never feel whole again until we meet again in the skies.
and i'm okay with that because we have a chance of seeing each other again.

i really miss you
and i love you with all my heart.
there isn't a thing or person in the world that i love more than you.
i miss you.

i'm reaching out my hands to the night sky every night,
i don't know if you can see me giving you my heart but i'll do it until the end of my days.
your voice still sounds like honey and pillows.
your face is still how i remember it,
i remember falling in love with the chocolate brown color of your eyes
and how when you smiled your eyes shut tightly and your nose scrunched up.
so tonight,
like last night and the nights before,
i'm calling to you.
i smile saying your name and although there are tears of longing some nights,
i can hear you telling me to get back up again.
although i can't see you now,
i know that when our eyes meet again
i'll then know that this whole thing was worth it.

it started in your bones
it ended in your heart
I miss your bright smile
I miss your cackling laugh
they told you it was time to say your last goodbyes
what do you do when your loved one dies?
you were a supernova in a world of stars
embracing everything that fell into your arms
the pears in the bathroom
the stuffed tigers on the shelf
its the story of my childhood
you taught me to love myself
an armchair and a gentle man
a woman full of joy
a godmother me
a  bakery near my home
the years grow in length, time passes
you're still gone
I haven't seen you in a while, I can't bring myself to see
the stone anchored in the ground where your head would be
do you still see us?
up in that heavenly place
do you still bless us, with your heavenly grace
I still message your phone
though I know you won't receive it
and
I can't bring myself to believe it
I've got the photos, the videos, and the proof
of a beautiful existence
but it's with a heavy heart that I say you're gone
it's not fair that you left so soon
so I close my eyes
and imagine you're in the room

i swallowed your grief like a poison,
i ate your disease with a ****** mouth.
i split my knuckles and ****** the consequences,
i pulled out my core to give you stability.

i would have taken the weight of the world on my shoulders for the rest of my life to alleviate your pain.

but it wasn't enough.

Aphrodite, goddess of love
twist your branches of willow around me
gust your warm winds against my numb skin
cover my tongue in the taste of strawberries and chocolate.

I want to sing the sound of you
I want to know the feeling of your lips on mine
I want to be loved.

I am all too familiar with unreciprocated love
it tastes bitter, like black coffee and raw sage
I long for a sweeter taste
I long for someone to numb the sting.

so come to me, my dear
there is no need to be afraid
I will make you a cup of galaxies
it will taste like hot chocolate with extra milk
together
we will connect the constellations at the bottom of your cup.

I cannot tear my eyes away from the sky
they are bound together with needle and thread
although I do not mind

I will never grow tired of her amber glow in the mornings
her cerulean hue mid afternoon
and her cotton candy pinks and purples in the evenings
but my favorite has always been the night sky

I am in love with the milky white face of the moon
and the glittery speckles of stars
creating swirls of silver and white
on a canvas of black

I often venture outside late at night
just to see her
she is the Juliet to my Romeo
a beautiful masterpiece I have always loved
but am unable to touch

sun girls:
they’re all bright eyes and warm hands, they’ll kiss you on the cheek. beautiful freckles. glowing skin, sunflowers and paintbrushes gripped tightly in their hand.

moon girls:
dark clothes and a eyes-closed kind of grin, beat up sneakers and an arizona iced tea, hair that shines, they sparkle even in the dark. soft kisses that taste like spearmint.

mercury girls:
smooth talkers, could convince you to do anything. big eyes and round lips, hair ******* or tucked behind their ear. late night walks and quiet conversations.

venus girls:
lipgloss and breathless laughing, soft hands and tummy. kissing their girlfriend randomly. a voice like honey. hypnotizingly lovely. muffled music and strawberry lemonade.

mars girls:
quick winks and subtle smirks. would **** for you. a love deeper than the ocean, strong shoulders and collar bones. ****** knuckles healing over and tight hugs.

neptune girls:
dreamy girls, hazy around the edges. tilting their heads to the side and sleeping soundly. delicate hands and cherry chapstick. hot cups of tea served with knowing eyes.

saturn girls:
sharpened pencils tucked behind their ear. serious eyes with a hint of laughter. tapping their toes and paying attention. books piled high with the pages well loved.

jupiter girls:
moving their hips and applying lipstick. a smile that electrifies you and lips that entrance you. has a hundred admirers but loves the one girl she can’t have. red lights and excitement.

pluto girls:
confidence that carries through the air. tastes like energy drinks and lightning. crooked smile messy hair. continuous movement with no time to talk. gesturing hands and shuffling papers.