you promised
we would
meet each other
one day.
we would go
crab fishing
and drink some wine,
looking at the sunset
a little bit drunk
on the sandy beach.
smelling the salty air.
it was just empty words.
meant everything to me,
and nothing for you.
I am just a bunch
of flowers you
got tired of
watering.
hanged me on your
wall, my flower soul
dried like a desert.
dead from all the promises
you made.
beautiful but forgotten.
and it was so
simple for you
to just buy a
new bunch
of flowers.

And on the final day,
I watched the flames
lick up my words.

I set them all ablaze;
none of them
made you
stay.

I have so many worries.
Anxieties.
That I just can't escape.
They flood my brain.
Controlling my memories.

I keep up the facade.
That I'm stable.
Happy, nice.
But I'm not.
I'm anything but.

I break down every night.
Because of you.
My tears stain my face.
Because of you.
I don't know what to say.
Because of you.

You never meant to hurt me.
I never meant to hurt you.
But in the end.
We wound up hurting each other.
We were the monsters they warned us about.

The dark clouds, wrapping themselves around us.
Only engulfing us in sadness.
So I keep on crying.
Because the more I do.
The more the dark lets go of you.

You don't know.
But I do.
With each tear I drop.
The monster consuming me.
Will eventually.
Swallow me whole.

I thought I could stave off the insanity
Because we ended so well
But I drove through a storm
And I became one

I talked to you
Out loud
Pretended you were still sitting beside me
Launched a conversation that I only wanted to have with you.

I told you
Everything.

I wept
Openly

I confessed
I begged
I reminisced

“How ironic,”
I said at one point in the one sided conversation
“That we should work together better than we ever have now it’s over.”

And I smiled bitterly
And sobbed.

I knew what you’d say,
I could almost hear the deep sounds of your voice
Oh how I craved them.

‘Don’t call.’
The still sane part of me whispered.
‘Let him let you go’.

So I told his ghost.
That I missed him.
How hard it was, him being the only one I wanted to talk to about it.
I told him that I knew he was on the road to moving on from me
That he was already well down the path of discovery
And that he’s soon figure out
That he could do so much better
Than me.
That the evidence was
I was no longer a priority, did he notice?
He forgot me, for long stretches.
I am both happy and heart broken about it.

Did he not remember how I feared being forgotten.

I told his ghost it was okay he was already forgetting.
That the part of me that loves him cleanly
Knew this was the right way to go.
I told his ghost the part that loved him selfishly
Was the part hurting the most
How it protested the forgetting
And begged me to call him.
To return to him.
“I’m still so in love with you”
I cried into the night.

Ah and this is where the insanity sets in
The Unmet expectations
The guessing

I love you.
But I can’t keep doing this to you.
I can’t keep calling you back to me.

So watch me go
Feel my rain, my thunder
And then forget as I drift away
Like a passing storm