I can't sleep
Everytime I remember your words
They snap and recoil
And hurt me awake
Next time when someone
Promises me forever
I'll just smile
Look them in the eyes and ask
How long is forever to you.

I read your favorite poem today.
It sounded like the first time you read it to me.
The words on the page flew into my mind;
I watched us slow dance together.

We swayed and spun from line to line,
And as I reached the end, I saw your face.
I looked into your eyes and realized
I miss you more than I thought.

It’s a different feeling nowadays
Than when I stood still and watched you drive away,
But that empty feeling still taps me on the shoulder
As I read the first line again.

People say that rhyme about sticks and stones
but don’t dare tell me
that these emotions
that make you feel like you are having open heart surgery and running a marathon at the same time
hurts less than a broken bone.

Sadness leaves scars
whether they are physical or internal.
Grief leaves bruises
the size of your heart
Anxiety leaves you broken
and it takes more than a cast and pain killers to even slightly endure it.

I’m addicted to your existence
My love is deeply rooted in your heart
When I die bury me next to your ashes

This way your love could arise and reincarnate
In my soul as my lover who never left me

To live and not have loved is a tragedy
So if you are going to love the best of me
learn to also welcome the worst of me
Because as you fight your insecurities, I fight my dreams to never end

I fight to never wake from this lifelong fantasy

I take what I can
I steal looks
Laughs
Smiles
Touch
All, just to imitate
What would have been, had you and I
Worked out
Just as my dreams said they would
But all in vain, as these moments are everything but reality
I cherish each, nonetheless
Every second
Minute
Hour
Day
That I happen to create these moments
And although my mind has come to terms
With what is and what isn't
The heart lags in all aspects, including rationality
So forgive me, for I simply can't help it
I take what I can
And I take it with time indefinite

You make everything feel alright
Around your heart my dreams take flight
Even if there is pain during the day
When you come home your kiss takes it away

i.

i used to only write sad poems.

ii.

you see,
i am a cynic,
a cemetery,
a holocaust,
a chaotic, distant, lost girl
buried in her own
self-destruction.

but with you
i am different.

i want to wake up,
keep my promises,
make up for lost time,
spill blood and ink,
try again,
live

for you.

iii.

you walk me home
and the skies blush
pink cloud summers
mid-December.

we part and i marvel
at the sepia tint
of backyard roses
blurring my lenses.

you came in
like the missing palette color
i never knew
i needed
my skies painted with.

iv.

now, you are all the love poems
i didn't know i could write.

and every metaphor i create
is just a lengthier version of
'i love you'

i really do.