The sleep is something that no longer comforts me.
Even when I find it it doesn't comfort me like it does
to most.
Instead, it taunts me with fragments of memories.
Or are they?
Is that what they call a dream?
But my imagination is not how Disney portrays it.
It is
sick
and twisted.
Awake I lie covered in a cold sweat
for I am one
who does not dream.
Nightmares are what surround me;
awake
or asleep
doesn't matter.
Not anymore.
And once again,
the nightmares
steal all the
happy,
kind,
sweet,
thoughts and I am left
cold,
broken,
and alone.

Remember how
we used to sit together
with our inside jokes;
not a care in the world
what others thought.

Remember how
we would sit in class
and make fun of the teacher
with a jean skirt covering her ***.

Remember how
people would think we were dating
and we would just send
a simple f*ck you their way.

Remember how
I
used
you
and,
you
let
me.

Remember how
you had no other way to deal with me
except by silence
and I acted like it was your fault.

Remember how
you granted me
the most beautiful gift I have ever received
and instead of being thankful;
I tried to **** myself,
simply because I didn't get what I wanted.
Simply because I didn't know who made it.

Remember how
I
broke
you
down
until
you
hated
me.

Remember how
I would apologize
just to tear you down more.
I was just addicted
to other's sorrow.

Remember how
no matter what I put you through,
you somehow would still take my
****,
good for nothing,
apologies,
and still keep the friendship going.

Remember how
I was submitted into a mental hospital.
And I opened up
and told you
what you really mean to me.

So Remember how much
you really mean to me
no matter where life takes you.

Remember how
we have been frenemies this whole year,

so that no matter

if we talk
tomorrow,

for the rest of our lives,

or
never
again,

that you have helped someone
even more than you can imagine.

Remember
how
you
saved
a
life.

That life was
MINE.

Just Remember

White Asylum

I love red!
Wanna know why?
Come on, I think you know!
I’ll help you out!

The
runny then crusty,
gushing then sealed,
but always
thick,
oozing,
smooth
kind of red is my favorite.

Can you figure it out yet?

That red that only flows with punctures,
but then cannot stop.
At least for a while.
Sometimes it cascades
like
     a
       waterfall.
Sometimes a soft trickle
like
a
calm
stream.

But, sadly,
overtime,
just like an artist with his paint,
it gets dry and flaky.

Now you know what I’m talking about!
I’m positive!

Haha yes, I know I’ve gone mad.
I love it.
Embrace it with my entire being!

I think thats why I'm here.

I never get to see red anymore.
They keep me locked away in these
padded
bleached
blinding          
white
walls.

Surrounded by plain.

I really do miss the color red.
i used to see so much of it.
It was a masterpiece.
And I was the mysterious maestro.

Until someone ratted me out!
Not so anonymous anymore!
Gotta tell everybody!
Hmmm, shoulda turned them red too.
Didn't have the time……

Why are you still there?
Have I not made you insane yet?
Good luck sleeping tonight.
Don’t close both eyes.
Thats when I visit.
I make sure you are not looking.
Before you leave and never see your life again.
Sadly, I’m in here.
And you are out there.
Not so many white walls where you are.
Do me a favor, will you?
See some red tonight.
I have lost count of how many days since my last masterpiece.
I really do miss it….


Anyway!
This has been the most pleasant of visits!
Please come again!
Just one thing to remember:
Don’t close both eyes.
That’s when I come.


And I won’t let you go like last time.

These
silky
smooth
syrupy
words
shine
for most.
For the powerful,
they are a weapon.
For the weak,
it is what kills them.

Words are amazing;
they can do
so much
and
so
little.
To find the right ones is near impossible;
they always seem to be right out of my            grasp.
They are so easily misinterpreted,
what was meant to shoot someone up,
instead,
tears
them
down.

I misuse my words often,
for I am of reckless nature.
I often equip them as my weapon in this constant battle
they call life.
I am an incredibly accurate ******,
my words hit the heart easily.
I keep reloading my pernicious gun
without checking to see how many I wounded.
I walk right past them.

Not a care in the world.

My friends have started to disappear.
Is it I who shot them down?
But I was aiming to make most laugh,
not tear a few apart.
And now, my anger is boiling -
why should they find offense to what I said as a
meaningless joke?
Or maybe I should not joke with these
wretched, wicked words that have hurt so many.

As I sift through the rubble,
searching for remains,
I begin to wonder.
What it was I said
that killed them.
Im slowly realizing
how much pain
my words
really cause.
Every time I muttered
I
hate
you
I shot you down,
until you could stand no more.