I'm struggling with guilt
After leaving lipstick on your collar
And hickeys on your shoulder

I'd like to find these
silver linings
through all the rust
but it just reminds me
( of )
your metal heart
my steel rib cage
how i licked my fingertips
to flip through your pages
how everyday
busts me in s t a g e s
do I stay this way
or rearrange it
i'm a deranged fish
swimming in cages
that i build for myself
& choking on phrases
that mean nothing to you
so why waste time
trying to say them
i'm trying to save this
( idea )
for myself
instead of swimming in circles
for everyone else
it's outrageous

I want to be remembered, like her
I want to be creative, like her
I want to be cared for, like her
I want to be someone's best, like her
I just want to be someone I can never be!
...like her

I'm not sure of who I am anymore
I'm not sure of where I'm going
Whether I'm happy or sad
I'm not sure if I'll be alive tomorrow
I'm not sure if we'll be friends forever
Whether god will help me or not
But I am sure of something

I am like the wind,
                     Always changing,
                                         Never staying,
So take shelter,
                     I'll blow your house down just like you did me
                          When you left