I do not remember what it’s like to eat a piece of food and not think twice about it. Can you tell me please? Take me back to when I was just born, to when bleeding hieroglyphs no longer sat on my thighs, to when my veins were already flushed of a need to ****. The lipstick on my mouth is made out of the blood I dissect from my body at night. Once I spilled a raindrop of cranberry juice onto a rosé journal and I cried. He pulled me in between houses. There he laid me down on the grass and I felt oh so very strange to be surrounded by my home, a place of love and kindness and security and welcoming food always ready on the table surrounded by smiling sisters. Yet no one came to save me that night. And so I still think about it today, long after he has moved away and I have still stayed sitting around that mendacious table of warm food I refuse to eat. My school shoes are the only shoes I own. I sleep with them on because I’m convinced that the idea of a happy young girl in long socks and short skirt and ******* that poke out just a little will enter the chloroplast of my cells and join the war against viruses that take me to that too familiar closet corner with the carpet stained with blood. Or is it cranberry juice? I cry.

To the almost love of my life;
I'm sorry I never made it that far
Or had the guts to say
That all I ever wanted was for you to stay.
Or maybe that was the 'all I ever wanted' of my yesteryears

Because now 'all I ever wanted' was for my fears
To disappear, and fade away
Just like you did so many, many, many, days ago
I never saw you in the halls, or dreamt of your smile

The only thing we said with eyes was, "it's been a while"
You filled me with joy and wiped my liquid sadness away from my face
And I'm sorry, I was too exhausted from the chase
I tried to make you love me, and evidently- our stars never aligned.
The universe never gave you the signs.

Oh darling, you made me lovesick
But now I think of you as no more than my once almost lover
And just a friend from the weeks I try to remember
But all I remember out of those weeks
Was trying to be strong when you made me feel weak
And sometimes, I still think about how our bodies could have crashed like waves.

Ironic, isn't it?
You gave me power yet wore me down
You made me happy when I flew too close to the sun and you made me sing sad songs and form frowns
And this is true, because you will always be, the once almost love of my life..

And maybe this will always **** me.

I am living, fighting,
some even say I am surviving,
but inside I'm dying,
inside it smells of death.

Where are my flowers?
Thorns now burst,
I've lost count of the hours
spent crying, wishing for death
and being teased endlessly by it,
only to be told death
had no room for me.

I've thought about scissors
in non-artistic ways,
I've discovered that paper is
not the only thing you can cut,
I've tried teaching my lungs to breathe
Father, they give up on me
and every breath stings,
But you specialize in rebirth,
so hand me a pair of new wings.

I'm tired of fighting,
I'm tired of this war,
I'm tired of wondering what
I am here for,
I'm tired of existing this way,
I'm tired of these chains
I wear everyday.

If I am a free temple,
then why do I feel encaged?
Encaged in my own mind
where light you won't find,
locked behind bars,
wishing on stars,
begging scars to disappear,
hoping nobody witnesses my tears.

Read the flames,
I implored
They smiled.
Read the flames,
I shouted
They cheered.
Read the flames,
I ordered
They sat around me in a circle.
Read the flames,
Read the flames,
Action, Action, Action!!!
I wept.
They danced around me in celebration!
Read the flames,
No action,
Read the flames,
Read the flames,
No Action,
I prayed and
I prayed and
I prayed.
Annoyed at my silence
They picked me up
And threw me into the flames!

I dream of a day
when we are freed from greed
We take not what we want
But we have what we need

I dream of a day
When hope is planted like a seed
It grows and spreads like a forest fire
It shows the path before us
And gives us desire

I dream of a day
When we meet violence
With broken silence
When we treat indifferance
With dicern
And through tolerance
We learn

I dream of a day
When we treat others with care
When we begin to love
And we begin to share

That day has come
My will is done
I am getting little and giving some
I am hopeful without doubt
I am not waging war with word
I am chosing to listen and not to be heard
I am tender and I am kind
I am giving in to surrender
instead of drawing a line
I am loving in the indignation of hate
I am creating a concious fate

And no one saw her hurting
They saw glimmering reflections of themselves
Off the broken shards that she was made up of