Bored and lazy,
I lay my head down.
My eyes are closed,
Daydreaming.

I do not want
To do a thing,
A side effect
Of using.

I need a
Substance
Just to care,
Even when
I'm losing.

I'm thoughtless
When I'm sober,
Indifferent to
Refusing.

Learn from my
Mistakes;
Don't learn
By doing.

I wish I
Wasn't ruined.

Like water
We converge
Into oceans.

But first,
We diverge
Into rain.

And rain
Flows down.
It makes its way.

Don't fight
What can't
Be changed.

Don't give in
To the madness
Of contradiction.

An open mind,
Reflecting,
Isn't dazed.

Just go
And meet
The ocean

Where you
Unite with
Vastness.




.

I don't know why,
But no one likes me,
And it pains me.
I think I'm wrong
In so many ways.

If I give up,
It'll stop hurting.
My lesson in life
Is learning
To numb the pain.

I'm running on empty,
Searching aimlessly;
My mind is in a daze.

My soul is longing
For what is gone,
And now a thick fog
Pervades.

Under dark clouds
Rain falls and thunder cracks.
Life feels serious and eerie.
It's intoxicating.

Accepting my mortality,
I'm sinking into nothingness.
The gravity of my decision
Is significant.

In death we realize
The totality of destiny.
What awaits us or forsakes us
After life we can't predict.

Maybe actions play no part.
Guilty of destruction or
Responsible for loving,
Might we get what we deserve?

flames of faith burn bright
faith destroyed my life
still I have a little, but
when all the stars align
I won't start a forest fire
the flames of faith burn bright
I contain them with my skepticism

A pretty girl peaks a guy's interest.
They talk a bit but she won't give in.
To her, he's a mystery to question.
Is he greater or less than expected?

He wishes he could remain that way,
filling in blanks with what she wants.
If he knew luxury is what she desires,
he'd try to stay a mystery or be a liar.

He might take her to the Ritz
and tell her he's rich.
In reality, he's no such thing,
but he dreams.

I'm on autopilot like
A puppet, animated

My thoughts aren't mine;
They're scripted like a movie

Perspectives, manufactured,
Change like contact lenses

Well-designed dilemmas may
Deceive my understanding

Someone waters seeds of reason,
Growing steadfast trust

They fake sound logic, wanting
Their beliefs to form, unheeded

The more love's evaded,
The more it chases.
But, when followed,
Love races away,
So just resist it.
It will fade.

Thinking you'd trust
The only one who listens,
You told me some things
I didn't want to know.

Digesting the ugly
Secrets you confessed
Kept me frozen
In awkward silence,
Shocked.

Bees buzz past
On their way to get high
Once they hit that bees' wax
They float on the dope
And relax when they fly

Morbid topics: writing on them,
Forcing what I am on paper.
Learning silence, finding words,
When less is more, much safer.

Poorly stated, why I'm writing
Is because I can't contain it.
Lost in space, I'm here, fighting,
Explaining I'm not dangerous.

My soul is lost but not far gone,
Crossing lines, without shame,
Knowing it won't leave for long;
No escape, I take the blame.

The more I think the more I lie,
Thinking life can be deciphered.
Vagueness is life's calling card.
Faith has left me falling hard.

Mental illness is a maze.
If you knew what I believe,
Your head would ache at least.
I have food for thought, a feast.

Eat before it spoils quick,
Cooling down the heat of stress.
Gorging on the air you breathe.
Life is less than what you think.

Tasteless and it makes no mess,
The breadths I breath, my chest
The love I have is way too deep
My heart, swallowed, as it sinks

To sum it up, I'm ready now.
I'm not scared of what's in store
Please don't pain me more;
I'll spiral, heading too far down.

I've never been as scared
As when I met a demon

Without seeing it or hearing it,
I knew that it was there

I felt more fear as it came near,
Radiating danger

Extra pale, a nurse was there,
Standing in my doorway

I'd say he'd seen a ghost, but
He was gone, possessed, not there

His baggy eyes looked pitch black
His staticky hair stood still

I screamed, "I love you!"
At the human form the darkness filled

Not special
Average every way
Can't accept it
Learn a lesson
My gift
Ignoring I'm the same

Unreal
Grandiosity
Festers like a plague
Big dreams I can't say
Are insane and I'm ashamed

Humble me
Sink it in
Not smart
Average
IQ of 100
Most mid

An elegant woman stands poised
In a dark room illuminated by soft light.
She wears an emerald-green silk dress.
Her figure is blurred but fine.
She comes to mind but why?

As I was laying down,
Someone covered my eyes.
Next, they held my hands.
I felt us floating up.

Carried far from where I lay,
I woke up at a different place - a small
Apartment where she stays.

Her diamond skin
Stole my gaze
As did the tears
She wept.

She was beautiful.
Her hair was blond,
As bright as the stars.
But memories fade.

Vague questions
Posed remain
Unanswered
And allure me.

They say the
Grass is
Greener on the
Other side.

Burning time,
I'm searching for
The green that
Shines the
Brightest.

I may not hear them,
But they're not dead.
I notice them at times.
They sway my mind
And turn my head.

They used to make me hurt,
Reminding me of things
I try not to remember.
They played their games
With me right in the center.

They'd mumble to each other
And utter parts of phrases
To hold my interest
And keep me thinking.

They knew my private thoughts
And heard my monologue.
I always felt like I was watched.

They made me feel ashamed,
They forced me into fantasy,
And soon my mind was gone.

It's odd that I love my life like this.
Reality's taste has hints of hell;
I stand the smell by ignoring it.
I swear that life isn't what it seems.

To stop the pain, I can give up hope.
I'll let myself wait for what won't start.
I feel alive, dreaming ways will part.
Right now, I am numb to ev'ry thing.

This life tries to break my naive heart.
Too far, it's not near enough to sting.
I recognize when I hear a buzz.
Relaxed I just let it do its thing.

I've heard that love is sweet poison that leaves you hungry and leads you blind.

I've heard that love is war. It ends the peace and makes the heart fight for more.

The love I have feels dangerous; uncertainty seems routine, not dire.

You can put up with abuse and drive love away or avoid it all and fan the fire.

Your love might be in peril; your dear one's feelings are difficult to gauge.

You try to get a read on their elusive character, but there's an opaque haze around their aura.

The less they say, the less you know of them, the more of what you hope for is expected.

What do you wish to hear? Do you want to know what's true? What have you assumed?

Cognitive dissonance grows as unrealistic beliefs are never realized.

Lovers idolize their beloveds, but, inevitably, reality hits and their true colors show.