I had an epiphany in reverie

A time like that is when

You need to be quiet

Words will dilute it

Words screamed at me

There was so much meaning

That was the moment

When something was so special

That, if I dared describe it,

It would have vanished

The time when

Words were superfluous

But, oh, it was so special

I wish you knew it

i hate you for not liking me
for the way that you ignore me
subconsciously, i know i'm beat
you gaslight me so subtly

just know that i have had enough
you hit my limit, and i changed
i'm much too tough, like jerky in
the hands of teething babies

whatever is whatever
do you sense the carelessness?

honestly,
i feel powerless
like a meteorologist
who mispredicts
and makes a wish
to change the weather
to fix his predicament

he can't deal with it,
but i am different
i don't run away
from how i feel

acceptance of rejection's
my best option

i think you
think i'm rotten

i understand, and
i think that's valid
my mind deteriorates
like week-old salad

but give it some time
even if, right now,
you see no reason
to trust me

you'll come to find
that i'm an alright guy

just know that i
can feel the vibes

whatever is whatever
that, i won't deny

but, still, i want to
feel some pleasure

it's ironic how cathartic
being honest is

it's kind of nice
to say whatever's
on my mind

i guess the pleasure's mine,
but whatever is whatever,
so either way is fine

you treat me like a
red-headed stepchild

we never connected
with an umbilical cord
but, still, you managed
to cut ties

you're toxicity
is bad for me

goodbye

goodbye

goodbye

it's sad that you'll see me later
probably in no time
i have no follow through
i'm not resolute
but whatever is whatever
that, i won't deny

nostalgia screams
of the summer fling
we had as teens

i was short
and you were taller
we looked awkward

i reminisce of the
hot day at the pool
when you went to raid
your family's fridge
and brought me a
tub of ice cream

you forgot to bring a spoon
                                                    
you struck a chord and
i became a fool for you

we were young and
our love was sweeter
than dessert

before us,
i felt neglected

you blessed me
by caring

you were good to me

you gave me
memories to cherish

………


gobbledygook is nonsense
it's a hodgepodge of words
as perplexing as picturing
a third of a third of a small
irrational number you heard
at the bar shortly after you
finished your tenth beer


………


you continue to hear math
when you step out of the
shower you showered in

redundancy's empowering
when done on purpose

maybe not really, but
i have the power to do it


………


i always wash off after work,
but my job is seasonal, so
i haven't showered yet

i'm short, and people
tower over me

i'm pretty sure
the smell drifts up


………


i'm almost certain that
even chaos has a source
there must be a reason
why it takes the course

the truth is there,
but it's hidden behind
many red herrings that
you can't see through

nonsense might convey
more than careful thinking,
but everything's confusing,
so i give up

it's all
gobbledygook


………

crazy that you're single like you are
you're so smart, so how do they resist?
i'm nervous and my hands tingle
so i'm trying to forget that you exist

you should get to know me deeper
and find out that i'm a patient teacher
i'm an open book and you - an avid reader
discover me - your next great read

my parents would be happy
and friends would be impressed
i might not feel this bad
i'd try harder and mess up less

my friends would impress you
they love me; our bonds are tight
even when I'm taking risks
they stay with me, by my side

that's all i can say as to why
you should give me a chance

……………

why'd we have to part ways?

your hands ran through my buzzed hair
then reached into my cheap shirt
caressing muscles honed in jail

like a kitten, i could have purred

i loved the girl who gave pain
exchanged for love that's now hate

you were selfish and so toxic
you broke my heart and let it rot

love sounds nice
i assume it has a price
it is not unconditional
people might say so
but they don't know

people only care what
the outside looks like
eyes that are blind to
the beauty inside you
are out of luck

she is alluring
she is good and bad
a fantasy of perfection
in a harsh reality burning

a black and white
anemone in darkness
that is noticed
from a distance
and observed

despite the dimness
white flower pedals
gleam in the night
and my heart they stir

the flower's black center
is unseen and neglected
blending into shadows
hiding from moonlight
she might be hurt

I am confident, secure,
And happy with myself.
Contentedness abounds,
And hate is never felt.

I have funny thoughts.
I laugh when I am alone.
If you knew what I think,
You might laugh as well.

I have not lost my mind to
Melancholic contemplation,
And feeling bad for me is a
Thing that's hard to stand.

Envy me for my joy, and
Ignore my plight in life.
Please, do not pity me.
Be glad that I am not sad.

I asked the UNIVERSE for answers,
But all it did was hint at truth,
so, piecing all the signs together
- letters, characters in lines -

I CHOOSE to rest my tired mind,
but it feels NICE to see
coincidences THAT teach lessons;
THEY can entertain you.

They ARE the same clues, often.
I'm nautious 'CAUSE it's tiring.
I AM in dire need of something real,
BUT they're lying, and I buy it.

I'm a king of brave men who face the fray with backs against the sea.
They don't retreat; they have no choice but to fight until they're free.
Faced with death, they fight with twice the might I've ever seen.
A war turns men into beasts when brothers see each other bleed.

The young prince I oppose is sure his men will not be wasted, facing us.
Still, I look forward to their last words, whispered as dying moments pass.
I hope I'm exposed once he deciphers just one lie my spies have spread.
He thinks his plan's so advanced that he'll live more than a month.

I admire that man because we both bear similar burdens.
Him and I will continue to fight until the day we are put to rest.
I don't expect to die but I'm prepared; I have no fear left to hurt me.
Fear felt so wrong in the past, but now it tickles me, and I laugh.

The enemy is sure that we want blood today, so they hesitate.
We chant to beats like madmen; drums roll and sound like havoc.
I can only imagine what the evil army we face is feeling.
We chant like ghouls in a graveyard, and demons fear us.

I've spent time learning the mind of their belligerent prince -
A skilled strategist and a difficult target to hit like a prize to be won.
A commander knows which battles to fight and which ones to avoid.
I've disciplined my army into order; now it waits to strike them.

The selfish mercenaries of the opposition are heathens.
Enemies might still stand after arrows land but not long after then.
Their army will fall when sharp blades of our swords demand.
We will own riches and grow wealth once we've conquered land;

May your blade swiftly cut men down, but do show mercy.
Let your conquests die with their freedom, or spare them as slaves.

my day has come
the peak of my life
it feels like peace
and euphoria

i love myself
ive fallen in love
im never lonely
alone or not

I've heard that love is sweet poison that leaves you hungry and leads you blind.

I've heard that love is war. It ends the peace and makes the heart fight for more.

The love I have feels dangerous; uncertainty seems routine, not dire.

You can put up with abuse and drive love away or avoid it all and fan the fire.

Your love might be in peril; your dear one's feelings are difficult to gauge.

You try to get a read on their elusive character, but there's an opaque haze around their aura.

The less they say, the less you know of them, the more of what you hope for is expected.

What do you wish to hear? Do you want to know what's true? What have you assumed?

Cognitive dissonance grows as unrealistic beliefs are never realized.

Lovers idolize their beloveds, but, inevitably, reality hits and their true colors show.

It's odd that I love my life like this.
Reality's taste has hints of hell;
I stand the smell by ignoring it.
I swear that life isn't what it seems.

To stop the pain, I can give up hope.
I'll let myself wait for what won't start.
I feel alive, dreaming ways will part.
Right now, I am numb to ev'ry thing.

This life tries to break my naive heart.
Too far, it's not near enough to sting.
I recognize when I hear a buzz.
Relaxed, I just let it do its thing.

A pretty girl peaks a guy's interest.
They talk a bit but she won't give in.
To her, he's a mystery to question.
Is he greater or less than expected?

He wishes he could remain that way,
filling in blanks with what she wants.
If he knew luxury is what she desires,
he'd try to stay a mystery or be a liar.

He might take her to the Ritz
and tell her he's rich.
In reality, he's no such thing,
but he dreams.

flames of faith burn bright
faith destroyed my life
still I have a little, but
when all the stars align
I won't start a forest fire
the flames of faith burn bright
I contain them with my skepticism

Bees buzz past
On their way to get high
Once they hit that bees' wax
They float on the dope
And relax when they fly

Not special
Average every way
Can't accept it
Learn a lesson
My gift
Ignoring I'm the same

Unreal
Grandiosity
Festers like a plague
Big dreams I can't say
Are insane and I'm ashamed

Humble me
Sink it in
Not smart
Average
IQ of 100
Most mid

I don't know why,
But no one likes me,
And it pains me.
I think I'm wrong
In so many ways.

If I give up,
It'll stop hurting.
My lesson in life
Is learning
To numb the pain.

I'm running on empty,
Searching aimlessly;
My mind is in a daze.

My soul is longing
For what is gone,
And now a thick fog
Pervades.

The more love's evaded,
The more it chases.
But, when followed,
Love races away,
So just resist it.
It will fade.

An elegant woman stands poised
In a dark room illuminated by soft light.
She wears an emerald-green silk dress.
Her figure is blurred but fine.
She comes to mind but why?

I'm on autopilot like
A puppet, animated

My thoughts aren't mine;
They're scripted like a movie

Perspectives, manufactured,
Change like contact lenses

Well-designed dilemmas may
Deceive my understanding

Someone waters seeds of reason,
Growing steadfast trust

They fake sound logic, wanting
Their beliefs to form, unheeded

I've never been as scared
As when I met a demon

Without seeing it or hearing it,
I knew that it was there

I felt more fear as it came near,
Radiating danger

Extra pale, a nurse was there,
Standing in my doorway

I'd say he'd seen a ghost, but
He was gone, possessed, not there

His baggy eyes looked pitch black
His staticky hair stood still

I screamed, "I love you!"
At the human form the darkness filled

As I was laying down,
Someone covered my eyes.
Next, they held my hands.
I felt us floating up.

Carried far from where I lay,
I woke up at a different place - a small
Apartment where she stays.

Her diamond skin
Stole my gaze
As did the tears
She wept.

She was beautiful.
Her hair was blond,
As bright as the stars.
But memories fade.

Under dark clouds
Rain falls and thunder cracks.
Life feels serious and eerie.
It's intoxicating.

Accepting my mortality,
I'm sinking into nothingness.
The gravity of my decision
Is significant.

In death we realize
The totality of destiny.
What awaits us or forsakes us
After life we can't predict.

Maybe actions play no part.
Guilty of destruction or
Responsible for loving,
Might we get what we deserve?

Thinking you'd trust
The only one who listens,
You told me some things
I didn't want to know.

Digesting the ugly
Secrets you confessed
Kept me frozen
In awkward silence,
Shocked.

You'll realize all the good times unforeseen.
If you don't want to live then you can dream.
Just go to sleep till you think sensibly.
Endure so we can hold you in esteem.

We're means to ends; we serve our purposes.
But ends are means, too, in and of themselves.
We aim to make sense of this life but miss
The reason why we live; why we're compelled.

Uncertainty hits hard right in the heart.
You'll find a place where truth is unconcealed.
You don't feel whole but life is just a part -
Just part of what you'll face before you're healed.

You're just one reason living is a gift.
Good reasons have a reason to exist.

Bored and lazy,
I lay my head down.
My eyes are closed,
Daydreaming.

I do not want
To do a thing,
A side effect
Of using.

I need a
Substance
Just to care,
Even when
I'm losing.

I'm thoughtless
When I'm sober,
Indifferent to
Refusing.

Learn from my
Mistakes;
Don't learn
By doing.

I wish I
Wasn't ruined.

No, there is no such thing as nothingness
'Cause even voids of space are filled with light.
The fear of falling into an abyss,
Alone in deep darkness, offends my mind.

Without the light, there are no eyes to see.
No one with whom to share your pain and joy.
A gaze shines out toward us; we feel its heat.
It’s gleaning glare you never can avoid.

There’s light even in dark places you go.
All things are luminescent to degrees,
So always know that you are not alone.
Nothing can be devoid of energy.

There’s no such thing as emptiness at all.
Relax because there is no space to fall.

Like water
We converge
Into oceans.

But first,
We diverge
Into rain.

And rain
Flows down.
It makes its way.

Don't fight
What can't
Be changed.

Don't give in
To the madness
Of contradiction.

An open mind,
Reflecting,
Isn't dazed.

Just go
And meet
The ocean

Where you
Unite with
Vastness.




.

I may not hear them,
But they're not dead.
I notice them at times.
They sway my mind
And turn my head.

They used to make me hurt,
Reminding me of things
I try not to remember.
They played their games
With me right in the center.

They'd mumble to each other
And utter parts of phrases
To hold my interest
And keep me thinking.

They knew my private thoughts
And heard my monologue.
I always felt like I was watched.

They made me feel ashamed,
They forced me into fantasy,
And soon my mind was gone.