Mother, I did my best
I won the prize
Do you love me now?
Mother, I studied my hardest
I got an A
Do you love me now?
Mother, I behaved
I was nice to my brother and sister
Do you love me now?
Mother, I did what you asked
And more
Do you love me now?
Mother, I ran out of ideas
I don’t know if there is anything I can do
*What can I do to make you love me?

The sun is shining
Filling me up
I am a vial
I take it in
I let it make me beautiful
I let it light my eyes up
And transform them into shining moons
I let the sunshine make me beautiful
I let it make me into a beaming vial of light
In hope that it will
Brighten
The world

And I know we are far gone
When your “later” is code for “never”
And I’m the one desperately trying to start a conversation
I know we are far, far gone
When everything else is prioritized before me
I know we are gone forever
When you’ve not only stopped telling me your secrets
You have stopped telling me anything
I know that there is no turning back
When I haven’t seen you in months
Even though there is only an eight minute walking distance between us
I know that we have materialized into nothing
When all the conversations I have with you are held inside my mind
I know that we are gone

This is a supernova
The millisecond before
It explodes
Almost empty space
Bursting with anticipation
And fear
This is nothing,
Yet everything
This is a beginning
And *the end

I danced
And I jumped
I let the music take over my body
Like the alcohol had taken over theirs
I let the endorphins make me high
And I danced
Not caring if anybody was watching
I danced
As if music was a drug
And I was an addict

It feels like I’ve forgotten something
Like there is something I should go back and get
But the truth is that I lost something
And I’ll never find it
It won’t be in a lost-and-found
It won’t be anywhere
I lost
A piece of myself
And I’ll never get it back
Because the part of my life that piece lived in
It is over
And it can’t be repeated
*ever