i havent written in weeks
normally that means i am too dismembered to even think
but this time it's different
this time is because i have nothing left to write
because i am happy
things are looking up
writing for me at least
is for the lows
the loyal friend that helps through the pain
so my friend
you'll hear from me when things get bad
so my friend
you'll hear from me soon

xoxo

You have captivated me.
I can feel the ghost of you, holding me tight, making me feel at home.
I dream of you, your flawless face laughing, mine reflecting it.
My thoughts circulate around you & how your ocean eyes hypnotize me.
The phantom of you pulls me in close and tells me sweet nothings.

You have captivated me.
But the real you holds me for only a fraction of a second before you're gone.
My dreams end in nightmare because your holding her instead of me.
My thoughts are struggling to realize the way I look at you will never be returned.
The real you is inconsiderate, a person who cares not about my heart.

And as I ponder all these confusing thoughts, only one truthful thought comes to mind.
I realize that the both of us are in love with someone who will never love us back.

Like a drug addict
I've gone to rehab and rehab and rehab.
I've relapsed and relapsed and relapsed.
Like a drug addict
I've learned to survive
Without those chemicals mixing signals in my brain.
I've learned that I can get by
Without the nicotine, the alcohol, the ****, the *******.
I can get by
Without the little spike of adrenaline
I feel when I'm in the same room as them.

Like a drug addict,
I've learned to survive
When you are not in the room
I've learned to get by
without the spike of adrenaline
I feel when you get close enough to touch me

Like a drug addict
I went through withdrawals
Because the doctors say a psychological addiction
Is worse than a physical addiction.

Like a drug addict
My only name is anonymous
Unless it is accompanied by you.

"I'm yours now. You can do whatever you want to me."
I didn't even know what to say,
I never did,
I was still shocked you could want anything to do with me

You said you had hopes for us,
But what hope was there?
We had no direction, no plans,
We just plodded forward hoping this foundation we built could brave the trials of winter

I've read that soulmates can come together and apart just as easily,
A tragic scenario to be certain,
And if that's the case,
What is a soulmate but a reminder that love is eternal agony?

I do still love you,
Love is,
It's become like breathing,
Autonomic

I can't even remember life before this,
What it was like to be absentminded,
The loveliness of ignorance,
Oh how I would gorge on its sweetbreads

But this is simply life now,
I live in flashbacks and moments,
I love ghosts and candied words,
And I drink the liquor of empty hopes

I am a collection of the people I have left

I know you want to be independent
and make yourself happy, but
I want this to be a partnership;
we both make each other happy
but we don't need each other to be happy.