Her: Poems

143

Her Mar 2019

143

Love isn’t ***
But is love passion
Love isn’t what you imagine
But what is love
Love isn’t something I do well
But is love something I do right
I hate love
But would I be better alone
I hate how I love you
You make me hate myself

#love #twist #hate #loveis

7305

Her Mar 2019

7305

Crisp like an apple
Sweet as a grape
Deep like a fire
Cool as the morning dew
Gentle like the morning sound
Secretive as the light creeping in
Warm like my bed on a winter morning
Hard as my mother’s words
Happy like my fathers smile
Addicting as cigarette smoke
My crumbling home calls to me

#simile #memories #home #broken #gone

Adults

Her Aug 2019

Adults

Please, behave
like adults.

Are you?

Alone

Her Jun 2019

Alone

No fans
No friends
Why is it
That you hate me

I guess I must be
Strange
Off putting
Annoying
Stupid
Something

I wish I knew
What was wrong
With me

I say the wrong thing
I’ll never be famous
Maybe infamous

That’s all I should
Ever hope for

Can I live this way
And be happy

I doubt it
Who could I tell
Who would care

bye

Her Feb 2019

bye

It was a long drive.
So I called you.

I hung up with you.
I picked up the phone.

I slipped onto the
brick median.
I dropped my phone.
I ****** the wheel hard.
I lost control of my car.

I slammed on my breaks.
I spun around.
I jumped the curb.
I flipped in the air.

I crashed down hard.
I was paralyzed
crushed into my
seat. I cried as the
blood trickled
down onto the ceiling.
I took my last breath.

It was a long drive.
So I called you.

#death #donttextanddrive #blood #tears #bye

college

Her Feb 2021

college

ears
in class
listening
tissue
gas levels

brain
i want to die
let me sleep
i quit
i cant hear you
bye
bye
bye
bye

College

Her Mar 2019

College

Thoughts
Thoughts
Thoughts
Sleep
Tears
Failure

#college #fail #overwhelming #tears #sleep

darkpurple

Her Mar 2019

darkpurple

One of these days
You’re gonna push me away

Who comes back
When they aren’t wanted
Who stays
When they aren’t a priority

Who stays
When your actions show
That you couldn’t care less

How I feel
Doesn’t matter
How you feel
Is the only thing that matters

I consider you in everything
You consider me when it’s convenient

I treat you like
you’re my everything
Holding you close

You treat me like
a fly
Batting me away

Squishing me gone
beneath your palm

I want you.
I want you,
the way you used to love me
Do you want me?

You say yes
Your actions
Your angry words
Say no

You say
I love you more
than anything
When you act

I hear
I don’t care about you
Go away
Stop
Be quiet

You used
to make me feel
Like I was something
Something lovely

You make me feel
Like I want to disappear
I love you
I hate this

Where did you go?
Will you ever come back?
Should I disappear?
Why do you hate who I am?

You built me up.
Everyday you tear me back down

#love #sad #hate #relationships #disappear #nothing #tears #metaphor

do you know me

Her Jun 2019

do you know me

i have friends
i have lovers
i have children
i have family

does anyone
know me

i speak
small talk
if people
knew me

i would be alone
no one wants
a sad broken little girl

so i smile
i say things
i wish some of it
was real

i ask
do you know me
they say
of course
we love you
my mind says
no you dont

glass

Her May 2019

glass

On the floor
Is it me
Or is it
You
Why do you do this
Is it me
Leave
I can’t leave you

hello

Her Jun 2019

hello

hello
im no one
i have nothing
take from me please

leave me empty
below
negative
less than nothing

take yours
no regard
for how you
leave me
empty

Hello

Her Sep 2019

Hello

I am nothing
I am no one
Try to hurt me please
Try to ignore me please

I don’t matter
Don’t talk to me please
You don’t want to be my anything.

I am alone
Blame me for your problems
Hate me for your ego

I am nothing
I am no one
I don’t matter
I am always alone

insomnia

Her Aug 2019

insomnia

Irreconcilable
Negative
Suffering
Ornate
Morbid
Never-ending
Intense
Alone

LATELY,

Her Jul 2019

LATELY,

i’ve been feeling,
like there isn’t a god
i’ve been feeling
like i’d rather be gone

or maybe
no that’s not it
maybe something wild would fix it

Love

Her Feb 2019

Love

Love leaves us with holes.
Love leaves us with tears.
Love leaves us with strength.

Loves comes suddenly.
Love comes surprisingly.
Loves comes when we least expect it.
Loves comes when we least desire it.

Love stays in good times.
Love stays in bad times.
Love stays forever.

Love sometimes hurts us.
Love always blinds us.
Love sometimes heals us.
Love never leaves us.

#love #nevergiveup

No one

Her Mar 2019

No one

I am
who you
tell me
I am

Nothing

#selfloathing

Odd

Her Feb 2019

Odd

Its kind of odd.
Not to say,
we don't believe you.

I'm kind of odd.
Not to say,
I don't think thats *******.

Its kind of odd.
You don't know me,
yet you make that judgement.

I'm kind of odd.
That doesn't mean,
you can say that to my face.

#rude #judgemental #professor #thinksyourbetter

Ovrwhlm

Her Mar 2019

Ovrwhlm

Emotions build up inside
but I can't cry today.

Emotions build up inside
but I don't know why.

Emotions build up inside
but I can't feel happy.

Emotions build up inside
but I don't explode.

Emotions build up inside
but I can't die now.

#emotions #cry #suicide #confusion #overwhelming

pardon me

Her Jun 2019

pardon me

i’m part of your life
why do you
criticize

i’m not as good as you
what would you
do

i can’t ever be good enough
so leave me
alone

i just want to drop in
i’ll leave soon
just

please hold your tongue
i can’t take
words

leave me be please let
me be sad
alone

it still bothers me
that my family

could never love me

#excitedtoreunite #withthosewhohatememost

prof

Her Apr 2019

prof

I wish you knew
it was me
I feel like
no one sees me
Do you see me
The way I see you
You're amazing to me
Do you even like me
If you ever noticed me
i hope you'd be
pleasantly surprised.
I hope i could
blow your mind

sick

Her Jun 2019

sick

Every time I think
You’ll grow out of it
It’s just a phase
What are you so unhappy about
You’re broken, somethings wrong
Will you actually do it,
Pull the trigger
I want help, but I can’t tell
They’ll put me away, safe
Ashamed of who I am
What do I need
Could it be better
Why can’t I just be happy
Is this what I really want
Some days yes, some days it’s completely opposite
But would I be happy with the latter
If it’s real
I want to die
What a disappointment I am

the abbyss

Her Apr 2019

the abbyss

Do you ever
Want to die

I cannot try
I cannot try

Never again
Never again

When will I stop
Will I stop

Maybe I’ll die
I hope I won't try

Untitled

Her Jul 2019

Untitled

ssshhh
it’s a secret

i feel like nothing i think is private
nothing i feel is free from scrutiny

sometimes i fantasize
about this man
he is beautiful, rugged, sensitive
he has these eyes that i feel i tumble into
we don’t need to say much to love each other
i think of his strong arms around me

then, i wake up
this could never be me
no way

and i sad myself to sleep
i wish everything was better

Untitled

Her Jul 2019

Untitled

im nothing
SPECIAL
im nothing
NORMAL
im something
UNDESIRABLE
something
STRANGE
something

must be broken...
...inside of me

Untitled

Her Jul 2019

Untitled

i know i have a soul

something inside my body aches

deep under my *******, my ribs feel hollow

i wake up and live everyday dying

this smile on my face isn’t real
my soul is trapped in here

Untitled

Her Jul 2019

Untitled

stop me
i’m falling

down,
down,
down,
is it
an abyss

im scared
where
will it take

me

Untitled

Her Aug 2019

Untitled

hey
hi
hello

can you hear me
you’re not listening

you’re ruining everything

it’s not a game
i’m not playing

we just built things back up
tear them back down

i don’t know
how long
i can ride this rollercoaster
before i tear myself down

i’m not mad
i’ve been crying

you don’t think
before you scream

shut the **** up.

i’m so tired
a nice warm bullet
could tuck me in

why do i always get this
i should just be alone

shut the **** up.
those words echo
...inside my head

Untitled

Her Aug 2019

Untitled

twenty-three
i feel much older

too much has happened
too many have gone

no one my age
is like me

i should just walk into the woods
once my father dies who will miss me

i’m too different
i’m too damaged
i’m too weird

have you
done half of the things
that shame me
i’ve done them all

i’m sorry
i’m not good enough

you’re sorry i’m not different

i’m afraid
we get married
you start hitting me

i can’t control anything anymore

Wish

Her Feb 2019

Wish

I blow the white tendrils of seeds away
out into the world my wish scatters

I wish..
Oh so many things.

Most of all I wish..
I could belt my emotions away

You don't know me
I envy you

Don't take for granted
your voice is so wonderful

I blow white tendrils of seeds away
out into the world my wish scatters

I wish...
Oh so many things

Most of all I wish..
I was someone else tomorrow

You don't know me
I envy you

Don't take for granted
your life is so beautiful

I blow white tendrils of seeds away
out into the world my wish scatters

I wish...
Oh so many things

Most of all I wish..
I was happier today

Don't take for granted
your smile is so radiant

I blow white tendrils of seeds away
out into the world my wish scatters

#wish #happiness #singing #beauty

you

Her Feb 2019

you

You pulled the trigger and you were gone
I was yours and you were mine
Our son so young at the time

You said they would take care of me when you were gone
Oh if you had only known that you were wrong

You untied our knot
My life unraveled from the top
Everyone leaving left and right

My son torn from me by those you had trusted
My feet at the edge of the overpass

I woke up a long time later
I put my life back together

I tried to hold onto your memory
Everyone says that you have left me
Everyone says that you aren't worth the thought

I still remember you

You pulled the trigger and you were gone
My son is also, forever, gone
My old life is, forever, gone
So much is, forever, gone

You pulled the trigger and you were gone

#gone #suicide #livesruined

you

Her Jul 2019

you

where did you go
do you ever visit

i think of you often
i feel guilty often

i miss you
do you miss me

i wish you never got sick

im sorry i couldn’t save you

when you try your best, but you don’t succeed
when you get what you want, but not what you need
when you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep
stuck in reverse

— The End —