I'm happy that she's happy
if I tell myself that long enough
maybe I'll be able to convince myself
till I am finally fit to say farewell.
I've lied to myself in millions of ways
just to keep the demons behind
as though blinded by lies kept me alive
I wanted all of what I tell myself to be true.

I'm happy that she's happy
because it is the only way I tell myself
that I'm allowed to finally move on
but history always proves me wrong
because I don't know how to let go of what's gone.

You left me
&
I told myself
I was fine with that.

...

As long as you are happy.

Drag me by my bloodied ankles,
beat my body with such vigor.

Remember my face before you twist it,
look into my eyes as you pull the trigger.

To me you were the closest of friends,
you helped me up when I was low.

But here I am at your mercy,
and instead of love I recieve hard blows.

Little do you know however,
that the blood you draw will heal.

My skin will seal itself again,
and my life you will never steal.

(i.r)

I wage war for your embrace
I have said my peace
So shut me up with your darling kisses
Calm my storms fury upon your shores with your gentle touch
End my tornado of chaos and emotional turmoil with your warm breath
Riposte my fresh forged sword with your r&r; concern
Tame my lightning with your smooth body
Stop my earthquakes with your pristine soul
End my fires with the flame you have for me

I know you're awake right now

and i’m still up, thoughts in overdrive.

I knew I was wasting my time,

but feathered brains speak in dissonance.


I knew you were gone months ago

with the wind as it guides the clouds,

laughing with sunshine and dabbling with the dark

as careless as you know I cannot be.


I stood grounded in mud, and you

kicking up dust on your heels

as you skipped away into the moon,

and I asked aloud why you left

but the pavement didn't answer me.


Silence filled me up like a ringing in my ears,

and it tasted like blood that I meant nothing,

and so I watched you drive away

and I said nothing.

She wanted to go home, back to stars. No more lonely boulevards and loud cars. No more expectations and broken promises. Just back to the place where her heart wasn't heavy and her soul full of darkness. Where the wonder and magic still tingled on the tips of her fingers, and no gravity pulled her down to the cold reality of the world. Just back home. To the stars, where the planets belonged to her and twirled around her, pulling her hair gently with care,  and her future yet untold was still promised  a galaxy of love, wonder, and no more pain.