I remember putting on a show for you,
Hoping to make you laugh, from above.
I hoped you would never get bored of me,
And always be there to feel my love.
When we made mud pies in our pretend house,
I would imagine you lined up beside me,
Suggesting what other ingredients we could use,
From all the plants around us that you could see.
When Mum would take photographs,
I always felt your absence, wishing you were there,
And I always wanted you to know that,
So I would say it out loud for you to hear.
I always thought you could grant wishes.
Or somehow help me on my way.
I viewed you as some sort of super hero,
That was always waiting by to save the day.
Sometimes at night, before I went to sleep,
I would whisper you a prayer, and tell you about things.
Like about the day I had had that day,
Or what I hoped tomorrow brings.
I never felt a hint of loneliness,
No matter how much I was on my own,
Because I felt you by my side, at all times.
You were the best friend I had ever known.
You handed away your boots,
And gave me the spare key,
So I could find someone to give them to,
In the hope of making me happy.
I kept them safe, the best I could,
Ready to ****** them back at any time.
Because there's something a little unsettling,
About handing away something that isn't mine.
I made a promise to you, a very long time ago,
That you would always be my number one.
And I swear to keep that promise to you,
No matter who else ever comes along.
I haven't spoken to you in quite a while now,
And that's why I thought I'd jot you down a few lines.
Just to tell you, I still miss you dearly,
And that I think, despite everything, I'm doing just fine.
I'm, only now, building the foundation of my future.
Nothing is set in stone, as of yet.
I have my eyes on my many hopes and dreams.
But my childhood is something I'll never forget.
All that time, I only thought of myself.
I never thought of the hurt you must have felt in your heart.
To see us all down here, growing up together,
Knowing you will never get to take part.
That's why I would like you to know this now,
So you can keep it forever in your mind.
No matter how absent you were, in body,
None of us ever left you behind.
We celebrated all of your birthdays,
And introduced you to all the friends we made.
You were with us on every trip we took,
And thought about in everything we've ever said.
You're a piece of all of us,
That we keep wrapped up, safe, inside.
Some days it hits us harder than others.
Some days it's just too difficult to hide.
Today's just like any other day.
I'm not thinking of you any more or any less.
It's just that I've found the time to talk to you,
And there's something I must confess:
I miss those days when we made mud pies in our pretend house.
And I absolutely love all the photographs Mum took.
I miss having a best friend always watching my back,
And having a hero save the day. (I have awful luck!)
I'm very sorry I never considered your feelings,
And that I was so caught up in my own before.
I hope you found yourself a home in the Kingdom,
And you're not worrying about me anymore.
Some people consider me to be a negative person,
Because I'm less lively than I once used to be.
But I greatly object to that consideration,
As there's something inside, they'll just never see.
I see the bright side to everything,
And death is the last thing that I fear.
Because I love my life, and I hope there's a long road in front of me,
But if there's not, at least I'll get to join you up there.
I'm a little lonelier these days,
And I'm not particularly sure why.
I think perhaps it's because I'm just too busy each day,
To get a chance to look up to the sky.
For that reason, I want you to know I still think about the old days;
Us all there, making mud pies and playing outdoors.
That's how I'll choose to remember you, always.
Despite the fact that my eyes have never once met yours.
27th March 2016
Copyright © All Rights Reserved Joanne Heraghty