Another day goes by.
Dark night turns into blue sky.
Every morning birds
sing their glory.
Silent nights when dreams
controls our mind.
Every day we take a chance.
Live our lives
and finding our balance.
Another year goes by.
I'm so thankful for all
beauty to see.
The love I share with you.
Is a gift from my heart so true.
Today I will celebrate.
With a smile on my face.
And feeling so joyfully.
Happy birthday to me.

My past is not simply my past.
For a while it haunted me, like a ghost.
But now, it is a reminder;
Of my mistakes,
Of where I've come from
Of who I don't want to become
Of what I want to escape from
But my past is just that.
Mine.
Nothing can change that.
I've accepted it.
My past is my history.
I've got to look forward now.

Majestic
Magical
Comforting
Difficult

Strange
Harmonizing
Intens­e
Emotional

Royal
Ominous
Perfect
Engaging

This is what the French Horn is like

Thirty thousand dollars.
That is how much a decent education will cost me.
Thirty thousand a year.
Thirty thousand that should go towards my family's debt right now but will only add to it in 2 years time.

"Why are these kids so lazy? Why don't they get degrees? Maybe then they wouldn't be so **** broke."

Well hey, the money we're hoping to make with our degrees means nothing when we're spending the first 10 'legal' years of our lives working to keep afloat,
keep the IRS from breathing down our necks,
keep pulling together just enough to not quite make rent yet again.

"Get a job. That's what I did growing up. You're just making excuses."

Yeah, and when you were growing up Yale's tuition was 5k and flipping burgers made enough to feed a family.

Brick by brick our fates are sealed,

Brick by brick we were set up for financial disrepair.

"Don't forget about FAFSA", right?
But of course, if you have an income, it's all going towards college, right?
Or if you don't, your middle class parents can afford to pay for you to go, right?

They don't need to give us a ton of help - rent is a luxury, remember?

Money is a luxury, remember?

Living is a luxury, remember?

it's okay
even though you feel like the bones in your hands are breaking from holding onto everything for so long
and your head is aching from being wrapped around the things it shouldn't have to understand
it's normal
and don't worry about the bags under your eyes or how your ribs have been showing through your shirt
that's just a part of being a teen
your sleeping schedule doesn't matter as long as your school calendar is full
and who cares if you can't find it in you to smile, there's plenty of time for that after college
you'll be fine
and don't pay attention to that heart problem you've been having, you can't afford to miss first period again
how would it look if you failed comp 1?
don't forget to volunteer, but make sure you do your homework
give your all in class, give your all to your coach, give your all to your family, give your all to God, give your all to yourself
spread yourself out as far as possible, but make sure to hold everything in
you'll figure it out
because it's normal and okay and fine to **** yourself while setting yourself up for life
don't think about it too much
it's not that hard
just let go
but hold on
and change the world, but don't get too ahead of yourself
make the team, make the grades, make up work, make friends, make your life
but break yourself in the process

High school is a tricky beast
A fresh start, with new pencils and locker combinations
Lanky legs, too-short skirts
And nervous chit chat.  
Girls watch the boys
Ignore the girls
And head to football games with high hopes.  

Winter’s cutting chill sets in
Forcing everyone inside and
The school becomes a communal Petri dish.  
Homework, stress, tests, stress.
Finding a seat at lunch. Stress.  
Girls will shed sweaters for sweaty dancing
And late nights.

Spring rushes in,  
And the sun is welcomed like an old friend.  
Floral perfume and impatience
Hang in the air.
The boys ask out the girls (finally).
Wispy romances are full of sticky hands
And nervous firsts.

Like a roller coaster ride with twists and turns
Time’s up before you know it
And the beast spits you out of its clammy insides.  
The future looms like a thundercloud on the horizon
Until it cannot be ignored.  
The boys break the girl’s hearts,
And the girls learn to forget.  
High school is a tricky beast
You’ll never be the same.

last night was one of those nights
the numbers on my alarm clock
had just to shifted to 3 am, once again
i got up and closed the door shut
went back and sat on my bed
with my back against the wall
i felt the pinching in my face
and acid tears streaming down my face
i gasped desperately, but silent for air
and i tried to make myself stop shaking
thinking about everything that is wrong
with me and my life and with the world
exhausted and with deep breaths i cried
and i cried myself to sleep, once again
today i woke up in the corner of my bed
i had a pounding headache
but i got out of bed just like any other morning

*(s.m)

I know exactly how it feels
trust me on this one when I say,
I know how long the wait is
waiting for everyone to go to sleep
waiting to be alone
so you can fall apart and
put down the fake smile
let the tears stream down your face
I know how that pain feels
knowing that it’s all your own fault
I know how it feels
to be tired all the time
the endless tiredness
no amount of sleep is enough
I know how it feels
to keep lying and trying
I know how tiring it gets
and how tiring it is to keep
breathing

*(s.m)