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This girl I know
She is just ... like a book.

Her cover is so beautiful
And yet ... forever changing looks.

But this girl's beauty
Is unlike any that you've seen.

It really comes from all those pages
Those pages in between.

Each page tells a story
Some of sorrow oh so sad.

But for every one of those that you read
You'll find one of better time's she's had.

This girl I know
She rules a realm that no one ever see's.

This girl will never show it to you
And she will never show it to me.

This girl is tough
And dauntless and strong.

This girl she sings
The most beautiful songs.

This girl will never let you see her cry.

This girl will never answer you why.

This girl she doesn't need wings to fly.

Because this girl ... She is the sky.

You will find her overhead
Every day and every night.

Her sun will warm the hardest heart
And her stars they shine so bright.

If you should ever catch her and open that book
You'd better read as fast as you can.

Standing still in any one place
Is never in her plans.

But, this girl I know isn't running from something
And it's not that she's some bird on a wire.

She isn't blindly running through time, you see
This girl I know ... She has a world to set on fire.
Written in the Fall of 2012 about a friend of mine that just means the world to me. I'm too shy, or whatever, to show it to her. With my chronic case of Charlie Brown Syndrome, I am forever in fear that I will be somehow misunderstood. I hope one day, if she ever see's it, that she realizes it is about her.

PLEASE, with all due respect, do NOT tell me to give it to her. If I haven't in 5 years ... I am never going to. That's just me. I PROMISE you that I am THEE most stubborn Aries that you will EVER encounter. My stubbornness has made my family and friends, quite often, call me "The Immovable Object".
 Jan 2016 Girian Kruben
L Smida
I am coerced into loathsome desperation
Unable to elicit a feeling of existence
All because my dreams violently clash with reality

I cannot prevail
I will not survive
I am weak

Failing to hunt down a sufficient supply of motivation
Buried beneath the world of paperbacks
Scrambling to bump into an emotion that will jump start my heart

An adrenaline ****** suffering withdrawal
Tormenting this flaccid ***** in my chest
Please, someone tackle me into relapse

Every attempt to ascend from darkness
Annihilated
With each crash and burn
Extracts the impossible truth

I cannot feel
I do not care
I am dead

Where is the spark that I used to lust for?
Am I Blind or Broken?!

I need to feel
I need to want
I need to prosper

Taunting a pair of keen eyes to electrify my neurons
Demanding a bitten lip to punch a hole in my gut
Slamming bodies against bodies into doorways

Grabbing confidently
Kissing forcefully
Unbuttoning frantically

But...

I can't
Feel
Anything

Love and Lust are one in the same
I can't coddle one without the other
My butterflies are broken....
If I'm the pen, you're my paper.
I'll push my lips against your skin,
Spill my guts against you
Write every word of love and passion.
But you won't be able to read it.
So, you'll never see what I mean.
He’s always been afraid.
She was always petrified.
They both always craved control,
They were similar in that way,
We all are.

You know,
Something I‘ve been meaning to tell you is that
The devil isn’t red and he doesn't have horns.
He’s got brown eyes and a charming smile.
He won’t lead you to do evil things,
And he won’t make your life hell.
No,
He will make you do that yourself.
His role?
He’s there to comfort you,
Bring you in,
Hold you close,
He will tell you that he can save you,
Only him.
“Without him, you’re nothing.”
You’re worthless, he’s made you believe it.
“You’re lucky to have him.”
He’s a parasite.
He will say anything to make you stay.
He’s afraid.

And another thing,
She isn’t all scars and sad poems.
There are stars hidden in her lungs
That she whispers into sweet poetry
Hoping that one line, just one, will be enough.
She won’t write you into stanzas,
She won’t be your muse.
No,
You’ve been poetry this whole time.
Her role?
She’s there to make art,
To feel every emotion
Deeper than the bottles she drinks to make them go away.
She will write,
She will turn him into midnight poems
And cries to be set free
From all of this.
“Darling, the moon doesn't shine for you.”
She understands this and he won't accept it.
“You’re the only poem I know how to write.”
She’s a poet.
She will do anything to make him stay.
She’s petrified.

He tore her down and bruised her soul,
And she turned him into art.

The world might not remember how she felt,
But they will read her poems and know,
The devil isn’t red and he doesn't have horns.
He’s got brown eyes and a charming smile.
And
She isn’t all scars and sad poems.
There were stars hidden in her lungs
That she whispered into sweet poetry.

He was afraid,
And she was petrified,
We all are.
Why do we stay with the ones who hurt us and tear us down? Is it just our role to play?
I don't want to hear a promise, unless it involves your happiness.
I just want you to promise me you'll be fine.
When you stand still, the world keeps moving.
So promise me you'll make the best out of your time.
I don't need to hear a promise, unless it involves your laugh.
Just promise me you'll build dreams, be free and make them last.
One day in Spring I'll be able to see you
Feel the wind blow through my hair
Feel the fresh flowers under my hand
Feel the love I have been missing for so long

One day in Autumn I'll be able to hold you
Feel the leaves fall on my head
Feel the cool breeze tickle my fingers
Feel the warmth of someone special in my arms

One day in Winter I'll be able to be with you
Feel the coldness of the air hit my cheeks
Feel the numbing sensation of snow in my palms
Feel the heat of lust and love together as one

One day in Summer I'll have to say goodbye
Feel the tears slide down my face
Feel the tension in my balled fists
Feel the pain of distance and farewell

One day
If I only had one more day...
I wouldn't feel my heart breaking
I wouldn't feel my heart bleeding
I wouldn't feel my life crumble away
 Apr 2015 Girian Kruben
anu
I Miss her
Its not that i want her

But i miss her
Because i only miss her

I'm happy
while talking with her in memories

But i'm not happy
when i think that i can talk only in memories

Though it is painful
Memories are better than real life..
I miss her like anything..i don't want to disturb her..God,  let me have some short term memory loss for a while..
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