you sit around and stare, looking for someone to notice you. striving for a glance, a look your way, for someone to acknowledge your suffering. you think it'll be okay if someone tells you it will be, if someone offers you their hand and their blood, but it won't be okay.
you turn around, you back off from the world, wondering if that will get you noticed, give you what you need, but it won't. it never does.
' you're in pain, you're suffering, everything is hell for you, everyone hates you. '
you have a family, you have friends, you're surrounded by people who could love you, who could give up their all for you, but that isn't what you want.
you want someone to talk about you, to tell everyone your problems.
you want eyes on you, you're starving for some gratification, for someone to pity you, to take you in so you can humiliate them.
you know it's alright, and so do many.
they notice how you wonder, how you look for someone to fancy your sadness.
you're not sad, you're not broken, you're seeking attention, seeking blood. would you ever raise a hand to harm yourself? would you ever do what you say you do, what you cry about to strangers?
no, you wouldn't.
it's all a play, and you are the main character.
in this sick play your depicted as broken, a lost soul, when in reality, you're stringing everyone along.
you lie, you break, and you know.
maybe you should treat yourself the way you say you do, maybe you should learn how to harm your body, because then you will finally understand what it's like to hurt, to break, and to hate yourself.
needless to say, you'll never understand. you'll never care about anyone about yourself, about your pain.
that's fine, you do as you please, because one day you're going to fall in love. you're going to strive for that someone, strive for their eyes, strive for the thrill, the vulnerability of love.
but you'll be alone.
they'll call you an attention seeker, they'll avoid you.
no one will want you, and you will break.
you'll hide your sorrows in substance, in abuse, and when resources run low you will use your body.
you'll sell your pride, and your self worth away every night.
every fake sparing glance you give the people who take you, every lie you tell them to keep them going, to make them give you more.
you won't realize you've went downhill until you have a child.
this child will hate you, will disrespect you.
this child will string you along and betray you.