stop giving me false hope to cling onto—
there’s nothing there.
i’m tired;
i’m drained.
my love for you—once ever-present and clear—now a burden, dry and bare.

all the pleading
to let me adore you;
you could not have said once,
‘i don’t see a future beside you’?

i am in shambles
over a lover
i never had,
nor never knew.
how to love one who never loved you?
don’t.

~g.r.~

a mini-fridge for alcohol,
a rat-dog to cuddle,
a roku for watching movies,
and an april fools prank call.

there is a lot that i could say,
but i could not say it all.
i wish we could all stay,
but one is gonna go away.

my roommates are my favorite,
the ones i like to turn to.
i do not know how to manage,
because without y'all i'd be a savage.

-g.r.

i don't know
how to not talk to you,
how to not ask how your day has gone,
how to not tell you i miss you.

i don't know
how to not love you.

i don't know
how to be me without being a part of you.

- g.r.

I learned to stop counting the days since you left.

I keep pulling back
Because I know I give too much.
But I can never leave completely
Because too much of you is with me.

i’m with my friends
and you hit me up.
i get nervous.
can they hear my heart race?
if they know who it was,
i’d be *******.
can’t be a fool and fall for you,
not today,
not again.

“it isn’t right.”
”block him.”
“he’s no good.”
“you can’t wait around.”

what they don’t know
is just ‘cause you’re far away
and don’t message everyday,
doesn’t mean you didn’t care.
and i wouldn’t say you weren’t,
once upon a time,
a dream of mine.

i love to listen attentively
to all of your adventuring plans.
the ones where you
do the unthinkable;
reach the unreachable.

becoming close to you
has brought something new:
a brightness or a happiness—
something cheery and sunshiney.

i can’t say anything yet;
it’s all under the wrong circumstances.
if i say something now,
i risk losing you.

this is brand new.
this is so good.
i don’t want to give it all up,
as self-centered it may seem.
but i feel guilty for keeping
the realest of my feelings inside.

what do i say?
what do i do?
how do i act natural
when all i want
is you?

i fell so hard and cared for so long.
i promised i wouldn't stop;
i told myself i would keep believing in you.

i don't care anymore.
i see your face and i don't feel anything good for you.
you've become a nuisance.

i'm on my way to forgetting all the good things.
all i can remember now is the bad and the sad.
looking at you ****** me off.

i get it now;
why so many friends told me to stay away.
you're bad for me.

you're not a good person.
no matter how many times you say you are,
you're not.

you're toxic.
i'm glad i'm forgetting you.
i'm done being treated like ****.

sometimes i feel like dying
while others feel like flying

Last night I was told to block your number and cut you out of my life. I can’t do that, I said. Months ago I promised you that I wouldn’t leave like all the others. I intend on keeping that promise. No matter how hard it is for me or how toxic you are, I will not cut you out.

Last night you wanted to be real with me and said I was two-faced and that drama seemed to follow me. That’s ironic, I thought,  because there was no drama until I became close to you.

Last night I was asked why I care so much about you knowing you don’t care about me. I guess it’s because at one point in time, you cared more than anybody else. In a way, it’s heartbreaking.

- g.r.

i hurt because i am so
                      l o n e l y .
you have broken every part of me.
all that i have left to be
is not an endless possibility.

i do not believe
that you would leave me to grieve
at such a distance you left between.

missing you has become a part
of my everyday existence.
no more love left in your heart;
                                            anger,
       ­                                     anger,
                                           a n g e r
tears me apart.

the pain i feel,
ink on my skin,
maiming my heart.
no more love,
no more love,
no more l o v e .

- g . r .

i said "i'm glad you're happy"
you said "i hope you're happy, too"

i said "i am"
because i couldn't say the truth.
i'm not happy,
my happiest was with you.

-g.r.

maybe everyone is solving the same puzzle.
some take their time
while others hurry to finish.

this jigsaw has a zillion pieces,
each piece a little different
from all the rest.

maybe we started at the wrong end,
going from top to bottom
instead of bottom to top.

this puzzle is confusing.
it is hard to put together
when the pictures look so similar
in every piece.

maybe your piece stuck out to me.
it had more color than the rest,
but the color was faded.

it seemed to need some brightness,
so i tried to force my piece
to be with yours.
to give it more light than before.

maybe my piece is slightly broken,
because it's hard to fit into the rest of the puzzle.
we seemed to fit alright,
i figured it was enough--
to roughly fit with your piece.

i think i tried too hard
to make our pieces fit.

maybe i wouldn't pull away
because i knew you needed light.
but maybe it wasn't my light you needed.

our pieces don't match.
your piece is out there.
it has just enough color,
and just enough light,
to bring you out of the dark.

yesterday marked 11 months and i spent the day without thinking of you once

it really hurts that you could do something;
something so cruel.
leaving me breathless and hopeless.

all i did was care.
all you did was lie.

lies
lies
lies

they're all lies.
why did i believe you?
the idea that someone could care
so deeply for someone like me,
it's ridiculous.

i should have known
you were like all the others.
but i prayed.
i prayed you weren't.

then you let me down with your

lies
lies
lies

there is something in my skin,
something evil,
full of sin.

lurking below the surface,
making me itch.

i am quite annoyed.
please pluck it out
and fill the void.

it's hurting,
it's hurting so bad.
i wish this wasn't
all i had.

it's making me writhe,
it's making me twitch,
all my devices begin to glitch.

is this it?
is this all?
is this

i sit not in silence,
but in noise;
analyzing the many thoughts
that flood my mind.

i am not here nor there,
i am settled in my own head.

the sounds around me
don't drown out the sorrow,
but rather deepen the pain.

one would think of these vibrations as a distraction,
but the noise just echoes the loneliness.

it's late at night
and i can't sleep.
i know that soon
the alarm will beep.

but for now i sit;
afraid to admit
that my feelings for you
are growing bit-by-bit.

i suppose one could say
that you've led me astray.
it is not ideal,
but i think i will stay.

my mind wanders
and i can't help but ponder . . .

is this what i need?
is this love indeed?

- g.r.

you leave me here to dry and rot;
a daisy in the dust.

wallowing in my sorrows,
i beg for your return.

pleading and beseeching
for one more chance
to prove my worth.

it seems as if you only appear
to pluck, pluck, pluck
my petals away.

you leave me petal-less;
to most i'd have no point.

i have to use my senses
to find a better way.

i pray,
i hope,
i dream:
some day someone else will come
and i'll grow new petals,
one-by-one.

if only you would smile when the world is turning upside down and everything is crumbling to the ground. i swear, we'd all still be here. i know it's cheesy, but your smile makes things so easy.                        

if your stunning eyes start to crease and your exquisite teeth start to gleam, the world won't ever end, it will only begin again and again.            

if only you would grin, the world would be so peaceful and all the waves would settle. the wars would be over and the young would always be sober. keep your head high and no one will ever die.      

- g

i know you don't understand
the way i feel toward you.

i sense you don't want me
to want you like i do.

i realize you think i'm
a teeny bit insane.

but honey you're a buzzing bee
and i can't help that you've stung me.

i try to make it go away,
but everything you do
makes me want to stay.

society teaches you to worry about everything…
every promise left to be broken, every word left to be said.
every person left to distrust, every world left to die.
every love left to deceive, every future left to fade.
every hope left to suffer, every breath left to perish.

society doesn't teach you about…*
every promise left to be kept, every word left to be covert.
every person left to trust, every world left to live.
every love left to support, every  future left to brighten.
every hope left to comfort, every breath left to take.

*~ g.r.

she says she feels so minuscule in a world she knows is bold.
she says she can not tell whether she is loved or loathed.
she says she doesn't know the difference between trust and doubt.

she says she wants to go, but
she says her heart won't let her.

i can sense in your eyes that something eerie took place.
i tell you, 'hush, you will wake the neighbors up'.
you shake and shiver in the boiling room.
'what's wrong?' i ask.
'he's coming,' you say.
'who?'
you never respond.
you just lie there in the dead silence.
all i can hear is your breath on my neck, sending shivers down my spine.

Life is like a series of storm clouds waiting to pass.

You can predict where they're coming from and when they'll be here.

But when the time comes it is quite a surprise because your storm cloud still has yet to arise.

You may not be aware of what the cause was, but when the lightning hits you are immediately in a state of hysteria.

The storm is continuous and once you're in the eye, you think the pain of whatever it was has dissipated into the dark sky.

Little did you know that that was just the beginning of a series of storm clouds that are still winning.