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227 · Dec 2017
Poets’ Pain
Ammar Dec 2017
Ink your heart with words that ache
Then let all that ink leak out your eyes
Onto a blank white page
223 · Feb 2018
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Ammar Feb 2018
I woke up
with bleeding palms
and clenched fists
was it the desire the thirst the urge
for battlefields
that inhabit my mind
or was it
war coming home
to me
221 · Feb 2018
Stories of Photographs
Ammar Feb 2018
we turn memories into memoirs
and
memoirs turn to pain
220 · Nov 2017
Nightmare
Ammar Nov 2017
There were times I dreamt
sometimes of us
sometimes of you
other times you'd show me
all the dreams of us

Now you're a nightmare
that I see in days and
talk about to myself at night
while the stars shine
and the wind is still cold

I dreamt last night
of you sinning again
with a sinner who wasn't me
and maybe that sinner
wasn't anyone

But I was mad
and you weren't sorry
and I woke recklessly
thinking of all the hate
and the filth

All of what had consumed
my mind but not my heart
my heart still pure and hurt
but my mind all filled with disgust
218 · Dec 2017
Why...?
Ammar Dec 2017
sometimes
i just want to
call you
and ask you
all the* whys
knowing that
you may not have
answers to any of them
or maybe you will
and you will choose
to once again

**lie
218 · Sep 2017
-
Ammar Sep 2017
-
They say time heals all wounds
*Yet some continue to grow deeper
218 · Dec 2017
intoxicated
Ammar Dec 2017
i am intoxicated and
i am screaming your name
talking about you with
people i do not know
that includes myself too

i didn't need a glass of whiskey
or a bottle of *****
just a box full of your memories
would always suffice
to **** me twice

they'd talk about moving on
you'd talk about it too
but you & i
we both know
that is something we have never gotten used to

i sit here and laugh
as tears flow down my cheeks
and they look at me
like i've lost my sanity
with just a single dose of clarity

indeed they see your creation
the monster they see in my eyes
that you have single handedly
created with lies & love
and all of its pain

you may claim how
it was all me
how i was the criminal
in all your stories
how i killed you in every game

but baby you made the rules
of every game which
you chose to play
and lied about the reality
which we had made

i do not know if you
can forget me
i know i can’t even try
but what have you done
with both of our lives

how was it so easy
to lie to someone
as true to you as me
no guilt of any action
no guilt of any lie

you broke a perfect man
who was at war
with your demons
fighting a war not his
to bring you peace

a lie leads to a hundred
and so i wonder why
and how many stories
you filled up with your lies
well done to you
And well done to your doings
Go on run away
Put the blame on me
Tell them how it was always me
But in your heart of hearts
even you know the reality
206 · May 2018
Hatred
Ammar May 2018
I've poured out all the love out of my heart
For you
now how do I pour out the hate
i hate you
you single-handedly did this
200 · Jul 2017
Pain
Ammar Jul 2017
I'm about to lose her
And I keep trying not to think about it
But that's all I think about
All day
All the time

Soon she'll be far gone
I won't know how she is
I won't know if she is ok
I won't know how she looks
I won't know if she's alive
I won't know how she's living
Heck
I won't even know where she's living

I won't know if she falls in love again
With someone that's not me
Someone more white
Or
Someone more black

Someone that's just not me

I don't know if she'll miss me
I don't know if she'll wish to be back
I don't know if she'll ever want to call me

I won't know what time it'll be
When it's 4 in the a.m for me
When I'm still awake
Scrolling through the pictures on my phone
Scrolling through the poetry that she once wrote
2 and a half years ago for me
And then
For us
But now
She probably will write again
But I won't ever know
Who it's for
Or
What it's for

God forbid if she writes to me
I may not be able to handle it cuz it's gonna hurt and I know it
It's worse than I think
Worse than she can imagine

Cuz
We're still in love
Mad love
Crazy love
Stupid love

But love nonetheless less

But I will know

How much it hurts
And
That
I still will love her always
And
That
She wasn't just the first
She was my last too

Oh **** it hurts
Oh **** I love her
199 · Sep 2017
The second time?
Ammar Sep 2017
So there was a first time?
Did you lie?
Are you making this up?
Did you really love him?
Oh so just good moments you say
Hmm

Amnesia hit you too soon baby don't you think

You say you don't remember love
When love embraced you
With all your flaws
And called you perfect

You say you don't remember love
When love came to see you
At 12am in the morning
You were leaving love behind

You say you don't remember love
When love stayed up nights
And walked you through days
When you'd remember hurt

You say you don't remember love
When love was all you had
When everything else left you
To cut your wrists in the bathroom

You say you don't remember love
When love came
To free you off Xanax pills
When that was all you ate

Yes baby love hurt you
And love almost killed you
Yes love was good moments
and love was bad times too

Love even ****** up
But that's what love is
That's who love is
Accept it
Embrace it
Live it

And stop lying to yourself

Love was there always
Even when you blocked love out
Even when you sent love away
Even when you told love to leave

Love was there then
And
Love is here
Now

The second time you say ?
Oh really

Love was your first kiss
Love was your first love
Love was hugs and kisses
Love was letters and journals
Love was long nights and no days
Love was happiness and hurt
Love was breakfast and lunch
Love was donuts and cookies
Love was T-shirts and jeans

And don't you dare
Oh baby don't you dare
Don't you disrespect love
Because love was nothing like him

This isn't 2013
And love isn't him
It never was him
Or if it was then you lied

This is 2015
Now say I'm stuck in time
But I didn't do half of what he did
Not one fourth of what I could

This is 2017
And I won't do anything
And I can't
Because love still loves you

Love still loves the **** out of you
And you label love as toxic
Because love was mostly far away
But never too much
Love didn't always have arms
But love always had a heart
Love always saw your beauty

The second time you say?

Well ****
First kisses don't happen 2 times

Moments you say ?

Well ****
You can't relive them without love

Open your eyes baby
See love
For love loves you
And you love him too
**** this
Call them mere memories or moments
But baby it was a lifetime
It was infinity
194 · Oct 2017
Let it kill you
Ammar Oct 2017
Let your love **** you
Let the pain dissolve you
From the core of your heart
All the way
To your skin

Let it all go
And then
Let it all
**** you
losses are regrets in disguise
191 · Nov 2017
Bleeding
Ammar Nov 2017
You're the pain that heals me
&
Tonight I'm wounded
186 · Nov 2017
The Call
Ammar Nov 2017
You are the call I wish to never get
Yet long for everyday
For as long as I live
166 · Dec 2017
You're Asking Me ?
Ammar Dec 2017
you're asking me questions
i do not have the answers to

i do not know
what
and i do not know
how where when or why

all i know is that
i do not deserve
to be lied to or to be cheated
the way you have done both to me

my mind does not deserve
to be ******
the way you have ****** it
and taken away its peace

you don't give me the peace
or the love or loyalty
or the
*truth

that someone like me deserves

and that doesn't mean that
you can't heal the wounds
just that you choose not to
because you'd just cut it open again

you're asking me questions
i do not have the answers to


i do not know
how
to fix a broken being
which you willfully shattered

all i know is that
you *did this and that
"this" is no blame but a
responsibility you must take

this isn't on me
and this includes
the pain caused and
the love lost

and i do not know
that if what you have lost
you can ever redeem again
or even know the worth of

perhaps it was all worthless
to you to begin with
perhaps i and the 'i love you'
was only worth your broken lie


**but maybe that is a question
i will never have an answer to
Don't ask me questions that you have answered for yourself

— The End —