50 years from now
we'll be old, weak and weathered.
Sunken into our patio chairs
we'll watch the sun go down once more, yet again.

As the shimmer of that dim bright sunset
would slowly turn dark
we'll think of all those moments
from all these years
which shaped our lives
and led us to this point.

You particularly,
would think of that day - our first date
and that rush of anxiety I had
which was so terribly embarrassingly visible through my eyes.

I on the other hand,
for one last time, would try to reflect upon
all the melancholic possibilities
of things happening differently
and the fact that fate chose worst.

I'd curse myself again
and the world as well
for making two friends bump into each other
at the wrong place and on the worst of times.

Because had you missed your bus for the date
or had I not met my friend,
maybe in a different setup
you would have fallen in love with me
and not him.

men ain't ****, she says to me
HE isn't ****, i agree
i miss him
i love him
i hate him
she whines
he's toxic
he's dangerous
he's unworthy
i say all the time
i know she responds
with an aching heart
so why can't i seem to let go
if all he does is tear me apart?

because HE is your normal,
source of comfort, embodiment of love
he taught you the ways of living with venom
and your brain knows he's bad
but your heart's made of denim
though he's made those rips
HE plays the victim
and your pretty little face, i answer with disgrace,
believed the pretty little lies that spilled out of him.

Flowing from my mind like an open ocean.
Words converge in my head all seduced by my sadness.
Love is the catalyst for my torture.
Though this is the truth, I still dare to fall in love.
I hate how foolish I am when it comes to you.

In the night time I used to cut my wrists.
I watched the blood leave as my adrenaline came in.
I felt alive in those moments.
I think it's cause I was dying a little.
I hate how that happens when I look at you.

You were so similar to me.
Yet I understand that we could never ever really be.
So I used to watch the sun die at night time.
In those moments I dream of you.
I hate how attached I am though I don't know you.

I have poison in my heart and you admire it.
I know it's not love but whatever it is I hunger for it.
You've changed the way I think about being.
I wanna live only in admiration of you.
I hate how you make all that is wrong with me feel right.

There's something sinnister about you.
It's as if deep down I know you'll disappear.
Like I know you are definitely to good to be true.
I want to speak to you forever and always.
I hate how much I know I love you.

i think i fell in love once
but it only went down the drain
i think she had wild hair and wore a million rings
i think she had mistakes in her teeth
and when i told her i loved her
i think she said she loved me
but i can't be sure if she was real
or just another dream.

neon lights and drunken nights,
skimpy tights and unholy delights.

anything to make the pain disappear,
go ahead and down another beer.

hennessy to forget but somehow always remember,
that fateful night in september.

blaring music and tight spaces,
i'd doubt i'm still in your mom's good graces.

euphoria fills my head,
helping me forget a love now dead,

finding your next replacement,
thinking how to tell them about my lack of commitment.

finally, stumbling home,
letting strangers roam.

alas, the night has come to an end,
wake, rinse and repeat again.