i feel the water as it streams onto my hands
the faucet showing me my reflection in it's silver curved structure
i close my eyes
i have become unaccustomed to looking at myself
the sight of me has become unbearable now

thoughts stream into my brain
filling me with dread and anguish
my breath rapidly increasing just from thoughts alone

i turn the water temperature to the left
i feel the heat begin to rise
my flesh begins to burn
it pleads to be taken out of the lava but i leave it
all i can focus on is the heat, and it is bliss

i grew up believing scars were ugly
and self-inflicted ones even uglier
i never had a way to make the pain go away
until now, with a method that leaves no marks

the temperature is all the way up
my problems, gone
my fears, gone
my tears, gone
my hatred, gone
my longing for everything i will never be, gone

i turn the faucet off
all that's left is the pure redness in my hands that will go away in the next hour until once more i need to relieve myself from, well, myself

If I am a bird
Carelessly flies in the sky
Place to place
Tweet the world is mine
Go wherever I want
Chrip whatever I feel
Sit whenever I'll be tired
Never look my face in mirror
But I can see this world more clearer
Searching for a partner would be easy
No regret of being messy
Anywhere I built my nest
Like I have no regret
Little fights then
My short time memory wipes all away
No one let me down if my house is made of clay
And in peace i die one day

You’re pretending not to know me
You’re saying you did that out of pity

I’ve got every single reason to hate you
But why can’t I?
I’ve tried a hundred thousand times to hate you
But at the end of the day, I’ll keep coming back to you

Why would you do such l
And then something inside me whispers
An almost-unheard voice
A voice from somewhere inside
“Because his ego is freaking high,” it whispers

say the things that you don't mean
make me scream and wake me up
terrorize my dream of love
with lukewarm words, so out of touch;
"you're not enough" & "you're too much"
i'll cut the cord, you'll "seize the day"
but you'll look back and wish I stayed
i'll be your one that got away

Looking down from the 7th floor of this 6-story apartment


In my head I calculated if it would work


And if I should even leave anything behind


"Don't waste your time on me anymore"
That's what I've wanted to say


But there would be no point in trying to get through


No more anything anymore


If I just make myself go through with it

I just want to go back

To another me

Back to the first story

A story I have never told anyone

Long forgotten and buried under

This pile of misdirection and lies

One day I will find it, so until then

I will keep digging out my insides

And I won't stop


Because god has an apartment complex

To renovate
Renovate
Renovate
Renovate

Twenty-nine belts bravery from a bottle.
It feels like all talk and no game.
Twenty-nine has thighs that don't lie
and a finger that motions you
to come closer.
It relearns each facet of love
and finds beauty in its own reflection.
Twenty-nine betters the invention
instead of reinventing it.
It imagines kissing strangers to feel alive and
gifts the pearl to the jewel thief
with no words- only smiles.
Twenty-nine strikes a match
in the middle of a pitch black nowhere,
only to see the smoke twist up and away.
It cracks and hisses when it feels its been forgotten.
It smells like pine needles, orange peel, and sun bleached cotton.
Twenty-nine forgets those who have forgotten it
but thanks them for the lessons.
It likes church but only for the music, architecture, and sociology.
Twenty-nine won't apologize for passion or pity,
but it will drip with empathy at inopportune times.
Twenty-nine steeps itself in scalding water
only to discover its true flavor.
It finds no comfort in the opinions of others
but will only rest at the signal of a nod of approval.
Twenty-nine looks down into the neverending
and can't decide if it wants to jump or run.
It handstitches a parachute
as it dangles one foot over the edge,
says a prayer to no god
but writes hymns that bring tears.
Twenty-nine keeps breathing.
It keeps breathing.

Dear myself,

Today
Was simply amazing.

Despite the eyes that watched you
As you walked side by side with me
Despite the mouths that talked about you
As you held my hand
Not even a moment you felt insecure.

You had me companied wherever I go
From every store that I windows shopped at
To the theatre hall that I almost slept in
I am eternally grateful
For you have always been there
Through my ups and my downs

Though I don’t like being alone but
Being alone isn’t that lonely after all
Sometimes, you just need a time for yourself
Just you and yourself alone

Thank you
Myself.

The problem with you,
is you pour your heart out and fill people up.
All the dents and breaks in their hearts you willingly replenish with pieces of yours,
which doesn’t seem so bad till you realize by the end of the day, your heart has sacrificed everything you have, and now there's nothing left to make yourself happy.