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Caitlin Wilson Jan 2018
I want to love myself
I want to love my curves and how i laugh
I want to love how my stomach folds over into small rolls when i sit down or how my brain works in creative ways, completely unique to me
I want to love my small flaws instead of picking them apart bit by bit and trying to be something im not
I want to love myself but most importantly want to be at peace with myself again
Caitlin Wilson Jan 2018
You saw me today and for the first time in a year, i couldnt see any emotion in your eyes. You walked right past me like youve never seen the most vulnerable parts of me, like youve never stayed up late with me on the phone laughing and telling secrets, like youve never seen me naked next to you. You looked at me like i was just like any other person on the street and i knew then you didnt care about me anymore. Today our chapter finally closed. There was no going back and forth because you didnt feel the need to fight for me anymore. Ill never forget that look.
Caitlin Wilson Jan 2018
I feel so alone right now and i dont know what to do anymore nothing makes me happy or interests me and im always tired i cant continue you literally broke me
Caitlin Wilson Jan 2018
I guess just some people arent meant to be
Caitlin Wilson Jan 2018
I remember ur freckles the most, how they were sprinkled across ur face like store locations on a map. I remember how they would disappear when winter came and how they looked when u scrunched ur nose to laugh at something i said. I remember all these little things about you but you don’t remember anything about me
Caitlin Wilson Jan 2018
its an incredible feeling getting to know everything about someone and falling in love with them, they become your everything, the reason behind your smiles and the reason for waking up in the morning.
everyone always supported me and him and told us we made each other happy but nobody ever told me about the bad stuff.
when things started getting bad, all i could think about from the moment i woke up is who hes with and if hes having fun without me. i wondered if he still cared about me like he used to say he did. I wondered if truth was he didnt think about me at all anymore. I became focused on trying to keep my relationship going as long as i possibly could, prioritizing him over actually important things. i ended up pushing him away without realizing because of how controlling i became. i started to get worried, and lose my confidence, thinking it was something i was doing that he didnt like. he became the reason behind fighting to hold back tears and the reason i didnt eat because i was just too sad. I stopped sleeping because i would wait for him to text me and let me know he was ok or that he was sorry or couldnt sleep without me, even though he never did.
love hurts. it can be amazing and it will be until someone starts changing and stop showing you how much they care or want you. youll feel like youre the one whos in the wrong and might even start to change the way you look hoping to get their attention, but truth is nothing stays perfect forever.
The thing i regret the most was how i made excuses for the way he would let me down or become busy the minute i needed him most just because i didnt wanna let go of someone who wasnt sure about me.
  Jan 2018 Caitlin Wilson
This is a daily reminder
That he doesn't love you
Like he used too,
And he can fall asleep
Under the shining stars
Without once imagining your smile,
And he can drive around
At 4am
And you wouldn't even come to mind,
And he can lay in the bed
You used to lay in
And forget all about your shape,
And he can dream of things
That actually matter
Rather than your stupid apologies
And I miss you's.
This is a daily reminder
That he doesn't love you anymore
And he never will.
God, I hate myself.
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