The holographic fairy dust bubble
that used to be us
Has exploded into
Regular dust
Grey and *****
Unwanted

I love you more than you
Could ever imagine
More than you
Could ever understand
but your love for me is no more
I am
Unwanted

With the glass of champagne
Still in your hand
You tell me that you're not afraid
Of death
Of dying
You ask me if I'm afraid
I sip the champagne
Death is something
I don't allow myself to think about
Finally I answer
No
No I'm not afraid of death
It's weird I haven't thought about it
Not before you
You look at me
Still holding the glass of champagne
You look good
You have some sort of magical eyes
Eyes that I'm not afraid to look into
You say
Most of us who have been feeling
Like we have been feeling
Are not afraid of death
Because somehow
We have already
Experienced it

Never have I heard someone
With a glass of champagne in their hand
Say something that intelligent
Something that life changing
I sip the champagne
And I smile

You know that feeling
When it feels like you're actually
Going to die
Literally like there is no air
For your lungs to breath

You know that feeling
When it feels like you're actually
Ripping apart
Literally like your heart
Is breaking

You know that feeling
When it feels like you're actually
Crying
Literally waterfalls from your eyes
But you don't

The truth is
When it feels like you're dying
When it feels like you're crying
That's means it all done

The truth is
You've already used up all those tears
There are none left to cry
You want to but you can't

The truth is
You have already died
You died when no one listened
Even when you tried to explain

I dont want to apologise, not to anyone.
About anything.
I just want to tell myself that I'm sorry.
And will always be sorry.
For all the pain, the unbearable pain I've forced myself to go through.
For all those sleepless nights, filled with unbelievable thoughts.
For all those voices I let myself listen to, those lies I myself created.
For all those moments of missing out, because of truths that I decided was real.
I want to tell myself that I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I've been so mean to my body. To my face.
Telling it how much I hated it.
While during this whole time, my own face. My own body. Was the thing moving me forward. Getting me through. Getting me out.
I'm sorry that I have been so hateful against myself for no real reason.
I'm sorry.
I hope that someday I will be able to forgive myself for that.
That is my only apology.

I got there crying.
You took me in your arms asking

Honey what's wrong
What's wrong
I'm here talk to me
Sweetheart what's going on


My tears were suffocating me
I couldn't speak the words

You gave me a kiss on the forehead
Honey what's wrong
Tell me what's going on
Hugging me tightly

My body wasn't still
I was shaking

You let me cry still holding me
How can I help
Is there anything I can do
What's wrong

I love you
But I want to breakup

You let go of me
You just stare at me
No no no no no
You start crying

That's how I ended it
How I killed what used to be us

I try to keep myself busy.
Cook new food.
Got a second job.
Make plans with friends.
Spend time with my mom.
Read.
Plan a trip.
Walk.
Talk to that girl.
Laugh with my brother.


I try to keep myself busy.
Only because I don't want to admit
That its over.
I don't want to admit
That it has been over for awhile now
How do you tell someone
It's over
But make them understand
That you still love them
An awful lot

Having freshly washed bed sheets
My bed feels so much larger
I feel so much smaller
I feel too far
Away
from
You