We are breaking our promises to each other
That's how horrible we are

We won't compete who is worse


I just know you are better


And wishing you all the best
On what life can offer

First thing life is offering you
Is a future
without
me :)

Billions stars we can gaze up the sky
Each of them twinkling
But there is this one star that caught my eye

That star might not shine bright like the others
But the light it gave filled me
With emotions that I couldn't name

You're this star that I couldn't stop looking
Even on a bright day, I'll look up and find you
But you are much more shining on the dark

I learned that
I'm not worthless
Because I've been used
In different circumstances
By different people
And I let them

"I quit"

No one will ever know
How those two words
Gave me
Sorrow
Trauma
Loneliness
Overthinking
Pain

No one will ever know
That it's one of my drivers
To give up on EVERYTHING

No one will ever know
It has left a deep wound
That will never heal
That will still bleed
That will still hurt
That will leave a deep scar

No one will ever know
Those words from you
Became my own

"I quit"
:)

It hurts
That I expected you
To understand me
Since
You know me better
Than myself

It's heavy
carrying
Happy memories
That
won't happen again

I'm changing
For the better?
I'm not sure



But I know
I'm not overthinking
I'm overdoing

Talking to random people
All of them
Telling me
To live


Live?
Live?!
live...

okay

When I tried
To open my heart again
You left

When I tried
To recover from that ...
I can't
I can't



I can't

When I only get to taste
The feeling of you
In my dreams

But now, I can hardly sleep

I can't see you
In person
And
In dreamland

No one will blame you
When I'm lost
When I'm miserable
When I'm gone

Even though
I had given them a piece of me
It wouldn't compare
to how I gave my whole to you

I let them
Do what they want

Now, I'm getting
Less
Less
Less
Worthy for you

I
Miss
You
So
Bad
It
Hurts

I know what it feels
To be precious
Yet left in the dark
Where no one can see you

A significant thing
Yet no one is proud of it

This phase
surely
is changing me
To be much worst
of who I am

I didn't do any changes
I just let myself
Be stuck
In this darkness
Even though I can stand and
Turn on the light
I still didn't

So I'll just sit here
Embracing the darkness
Alone
My choice
It's my choice

If she
Asks you
And
Calms you down
especially
On rainy days
When
Your mood changes

I still daydream
especially on those days
like the time we first met after almost two years
like the time we spent sharing what we feel
like the time we spent competing and arguing
like the those times we spent together

And it haunts me
everytime when I think about
all the plans that we didn't do
all the promises I wasn't able to keep
all the hugs and kisses I didn't give
all the things I wasn't able to do, for you

I dream of them
And some of them gave me nightmares
It is painful
So much
That I'm craving for it
Either those things to happen again
Or
For this pain to get worse and worse
Until there is really nothing left of me

I'm used to people leaving
And Im so dependent with the home that I ruined
When the reality is ...

At the end of the day, I'm alone
Just
Me

They are leaving me but the truth is
I'm pushing them to do that
Because
In reality, I am alone

I am alone yet living in this great home

I appreciate the home which I can stay and will wait for me

But I messed it too much

I left stains that you can't get rid of
I left cracks that you can't fix
I left broken furnitures that you can't mend
I left it



I left it



I'm a coward for not taking responsibility but
It's not my home anymore
Someone is much worthy to be there
Not me
And it should have never been me
And it will never be me again


And now,
I'm alone
Just walking to different towns
A lone traveler
Who left her precious home

Just going with the flow
Just letting this waves bring me
Where it wants to bring me
Since I can't swim and
I can't control where it goes

But when I get to an island
Where I discover things
Someday, I can bring myself
To the vastness of the ocean
Not just going with the flow
But using my oars to be somewhere where I wanted to be


I know what to do
But for now,
I'll let the world take a hold of me

Hopefully I'll be back
Since I'm now terribly lost


Soon
But not now


Hopefully, I won't get lost
IF ever I get back

Is the moment
That I spent
With you

Don't blame yourself
No one is at fault but me
I did it, not you

We have our own lives
You are happier on your end

Still, I want you to know that
you will always be a part of mine

You have a special place
That you can return to


If you would love to

I did **** my hope of the comeback
But I included the hope of getting better

Yes, I'm shutting everyone out
But you were always someone special
You'll always have this place
In my mind
In my heart
In my soul
In my life

Please don't miss me when I'm gone
Hate me for leaving
Hate me for deciding
Without consulting you

It might be painful right now
But one day, it won't
Not anymore

Letting go doesn't mean I'll leave
Im just taking another path
And not bringing you with me

As painful as it is, I need to do so
Or else what will be left?
Both of us broken and torn-

I wish I can hug and kiss you right now
Whispering all the love and pain away

I used to have a butterfly
A butterfly with a broken wing

Everyday, I give my time and efforts
But one day, I lost it
I realized my butterfly left me
I went crazy and spouting nonsense

"I cant live without you"
"I don't want to lose something so important"

I repeatedly said as I try to find it
Which I finally did

As I'm guiding it back
I realized, Im trapping my beautiful broken butterfly

Being with me is not home but a tight prison

So I'll let my butterfly to decide
I'll give the freedom that it deserves

And on the process,
I'm breaking down the prison
And do changes

Because I really love this butterfly
My beautiful broken butterfly

And I'll do what I can
So It will stay here with me again

As you were drowning
deeper to the ocean of "me"
I was trying to fly
Higher to reach the sky of you

As I try to hold you
Bring you with me here
I can't because you are meant to be there
Up, higher, greater than me

But it doesnt mean I'll stop
I'll do anything in my will and power
To get to you, to be on you level
To be with you

I'll accompany as we get higher until we reach the peak- our dreams
I'll get stronger throughout the journey
All because of you- us

Let's stop drowning ourselves
Let's float, fly, soar the vastness of sky
Together

I will be strong someday
You'll see

And when that happens,
Can I bring back to life the hopes that I buried?

Work for everything
Fix yourself
Don't stay as a messed up

You are more than this

I am more than this

we can make
Our dreams come true
Yes, we can
but only when
we are in slumber

I can't sleep


I want to dream


At least during those times


There is still "us"

You made me cry
but I would never forget that
You made me smile

You made me feel pain
but I would never forget that
You made me feel love

Whatever happens
I appreciate
That you made me who I am now

I hope to be the subject of your pieces
Those pieces of love, not pain

No one will be proud at you
If you aren't proud of yourself

Don't expect others to give you something that you deprived yourself to

I can't go on
Probably because
I can't accept everything
And I'm still hoping for something
Imposible as of the moment

I hope these words
will reach you

I hope this feelings
will be felt by you

I hope my hugs
will comfort you

I hope our hearts, mind, and soul
will be be connected

And someday all those hopes will come true
I believe in destiny
But I will also make it happen

And I hope
You are ready

Always remember that
Im here for you
You can count on me

I'll be with you
Through all your ups and downs

I'll be with you
Through all the sunny days and storms

I'll be with you
No matter what happens
Because you are very special to me

I waited for your call
But
That didn't happen

What I did cause that
I changed your mind


My excitement turned to disappointment
Disappointment to myself
For ruining that chance

Reading all the poems you wrote
I feel the empathy and pain

Since all those words
Are from someone who love
Yet the one they love so much -left

I realized after reading those
I still love you, so much
And
You still love her

We've known each other for years
We've been chatting for months
We've spent our days talking about our own past, our present and the future for us

We havent seen each other for so long
And most of the time I wanted you here beside me
To hug you, to kiss you, to say sweet things to you
But babe, Its not possible for now...
But soon, I hope
Please
Soon