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My trust was the knife
You used to stab me in the back
But all in all I wish you goodluck
In truth lies a content soul soaring free
In lies is a heart guilty tethered to tree
My heart starts to race faster,
my hands shaking,
tears running down my face.

I'm scared, and worried,
"why is this happening to me?" ,
I wonder to myself.

"I don't know why this is happening!!"
How do you stop this feeling?
This feeling not being in control.

This thing that is happening to me,
I'm having a Panic Attack.

My anxiety is out of control,
I can't control it,
will you help me?
The Queen of hope,
the knotted rope.
That brought her to the grave.

The hangman's smile,
a thousand miles.
Since he was a slave.

The King of doom,
a lonely room.
Once the winning knave.

The way the shore,
will look for more.
Kidnapping the waves.
 May 2015 Doris Cayea Brown
bones
She traced
the patterns pressed
by the grass
into my knees

with gentle lips
and fingertips
as light as
falling leaves...
(Can't sleep remix)

We traced
the patterns pressed
by the grass
into our knees

and lay
with slowing hearts
undressed and
sleepy in the breeze...



(nearly next morning now remix)

She moves her hand
more lightly than
the touch of falling leaves

and traces like a map
the pattern pressed
into my knees

and where the lines
are deepest finds
my sweetest memories...
Am I okay?

I cry every night,
And can't breathe most days.

I sometimes want to die,
And feel buried by all the lies.

I have a broken heart,
And trust issues.

But also,

I smile at the little things,
And laugh for no reason.

I have hope in my heart,
And light in my eyes.

I am getting stronger,
And I will keep trying.

So:
Am I okay?
No.

Will I be okay?
**Yes
Just keep going
i'm tossin' and turnin' baby
since that little girl left my bed
tossin' and turnin' baby
over all the hurtful things i said
been wonderin' how she's gettin' on
and if she knows she's still in my head

i'm tossin' and turnin' baby
'bout seven days every week
tossin' and turnin' baby
gaining guilt and losing sleep
thinkin' i should'a done more
to make her see she's my only need

i'm tossin' and turnin' baby
just like an old plow out in the field
tossin' and turnin' baby
like a beat up wagon wheel
now what i say is all i feel
how i do love that little girl still
Another song. Up-tempo blues this time! :)
Undecided I am
As to whether or not obsessing over you is wrong
I may never know
If it must be wrong, then I only wrong myself
For I am addicted to you,
and it is not long before i feel the withdrawal
Of your poisonous beauty
Far more potent than any substance
Far more desirable than any liquor

Thirsty for you I am
As to whether or not the thirst is quenchable
I may never know
If it must go unquenched, I will surly die of thirst
For I have had a dose of you,
and so your poison will remain in my heart
Until it gives way
After my hit of you I desire no other
After my fix of you I need another

I can not be rehabilitated
Or cured thanks to you
So i must adjust,
and aspirations must be met
I'll start off small,
and see if you've noticed me yet

Conclusion or delusion
I wonder in my state of euphoria
I think obsessing over you is right for me
Having learnt to embrace this love sickness you have brought unto me
This feeling is human,
so I must be too
Well a man has needs,
and what I need is you
This is an old poem I wrote at around age 16 during my final year of secondary school. Take what you will from this, I think I was way in over my head. At that age though you don't really understand that when you feel a certain way (about a girl or boy) and start to put stupid things in your body you are in for a whole world of confusion and conflicting emotions. I originally titled this piece 'Addicted to you' and wanted something more original so I wrote 'Are you back on it again?' as a reference to the typically crass, English question: Are you getting on it? (When a mate asks if you are involved with a girl or boy.)
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