Waiting for you is like waiting
for winter in the desert

The flakes never fall

i want to get high in foreign cities
travel to places i have yet to lay my eyes on
pack a bag and take off, my only motive to feel free
i want to kiss lovers on pavement my toes have never touched
beneath trees rooted with legends in their leaves
ensuring everlasting love
and i want to feel light, rather than weighed down
anchored to one small town
i want to drop everything and get away
to places where time is altered
and the stars are always present
whether it be in the night sky or people's eyes
i want to fall in love with strangers, cities, and scenes
i crave so deeply to feel free
to start anew

but at the same time
i want you to come too

s.s

As a child, our feelings ran free!
                         But….
         in the way of this world
       as we grew into adulthood,
     we were told that our feelings
    are not as significant as reason.

As we grow,
we are taught that showing feelings
                  is childish
we are told to control our feelings…
     Don’t let them see you cry,
showing feelings can be dangerous,
         it can show weakness
     making us seem too sensitive.
And because of what we are taught,
  we don’t always understand them
      or even know how they come.
But, they do come, knowing us better
          then we know ourselves.

    But I know that feelings matter…
         Love, pain, joy, hurt, happiness.
    Sometimes they can be small,
  like when I smell cookies baking
          and I miss my grams.
  And sometimes they are massive,
     like when my granddaughter
   died at birth and I watched her
                   come back!

However, if you are fortunate
       and I mean, really fortunate,
            that one feeling will come along
                   that will change everything!
I remember such a feeling,
and how it flooded my heart years ago
when this guy invited me to his community
and showed me his kind and loving heart.
And not so long ago,
                when I looked into his eyes!

And those are the same feelings
                   that I have right now….
The feeling that you are him,
       my future, my love, my heart, my life!
And this feeling, I trust, I believe in
    more than anything I have ever trusted
       or believed in, in my life!
Because with you, is the only place
      I have ever felt was home.

it’s been awhile, hasn't it
since i've written,
since i’ve seeked solace in poems

It’s been awhile, i’ll admit it
since i’ve needed to
since i’ve felt out of control

I’m happier now, than I was back when
I wrote away my pain
I wrote away my confusions

The days ahead look brighter
and it’s all because of him
and it’s all because he’s him

To describe how you entrance my lusts is not to love you
To say you are beautiful, to compare each feature you wear
With flowery prose, with dramatic declarations
Is not to love you
For it is not you curls, or the scent of your hair
Nor the colour of your eyes that I would squander an ode to
There are many with eyes and hair such as yours
Many with less or more graceful hands
A many of lover’s lips and pleasing faces
With shapely forms and tapered waists
With the embellished scaling cadences of a choir
And other things for which I’m told I should desire

All of something mortal worlds compare
All these things the world tells you is beautiful and faire
These are things a camera could capture
And not the reasons I love you

What I love about you is not something that can be caught
Cannot be wrangled, pinned down, or fought
I was allowed witness to your spark
A moment your soul burned bright enough that its very embers reached my heart

It took root in me, it grew to a flame like a zippo lighter
Every time we spoke, it fanned a little brighter
For me, before it began it was over
Of any room, dressed in any garb, to me you are the cynosure

That light at your core lit up your face when you smiled
A smile was just a smile until I saw how you did it - right there!
It fills a room until I scarcely believe there is such a thing as air

I fell in love with your clever disputes and the contagious way you laugh
The words, worlds and points of view that you craft
With that mad humour, compassion, and your bluntly put curses
Your desires, your faults, your quirks
Your temper, your heart, your mirth
How your eyes took in spans of bland ashen days
And your mind painted it all into a miraculous blaze

I love
The things about you, you don’t notice or even see
I’m like a bird in love with what it means to be free
For me there is no one fairer, no other who could raise the bar
Because there is no feature that could sway me
I fell in love with who you are

There was a time when i believed in falling
for falling is the first step to trust
and trust, i have lacked for the last few years
because sheded tears caused my steel heart to rust
for a while i was convinced there was a spark
hidden under heaps of high expectations and hope
past the overthinking, right next to quaint smiles and glances, and hidden under the wish that we’d finally elope
but love isn’t built with empty promises
nor is it molded with the lovley, “if only”
because when you fall in love with the idea of someone
falling turns to broken, the broken can’t mend, and your back to being desperate and lonely
i wish being loved wasn’t so difficult
but if it was easier no one would dare to fall
because we’d rather be shattered from falling with faith
than stay safe with nothing at all