Thing is, I'm more afraid of being happy
Than of being alone and lonely.
Happiness doesn't feel real.
It feels like a mirage in a dessert.
It's not real.
It only lasts for so long.
And once it's gone, you will feel worse than before.
I often think that sadness is better.
Though sadness sometimes shakes me
It doesn't break me.
It can't because I'm used to it.
I can't feel worse if I don't know what happy is.
And that is addicting. Not being exposed to roller coaster emotions is addicting. It feels safe.