I have insomnia, the night is longer for me that for most
I lay in one spot all night afraid to roll over and face the nightmare next to me, I don't look up because there is a demon above me and don't make me mention the beast the rests under my bed waiting for me to sleep so it can crawl into my mind and leave me with nightmares, its just as he said; When the darkness creeps in, I feel my nightmares watching me. He had never been so accurate in his life.

I'm finding it hard to remember what its like to truly be happy,
Today I tried to laugh but it came out sounding cold and fake,
Why is it that I have the ability to feel so much yet so little?
I am depressed, anxious, angry, heartbroken, and alone,
why can't I add another mood to try and lift me up?
All I want is to remember what its like to really smile, to feel like I fit in.

At night I try and remember what joy feels like but finish up feeling empty, I guess being empty is better than being full of sadness.

Wake up:
List the reasons why you need to get out of bed.
Pull a fake smile on your face.
Try not to cry.

Go to school:
Be numb.
Don't let the other students get too close.
Keep that smile on.
Try not to cry.

Go home:
Do homework
Keep smile on.
Stay numb.

Bedtime:
Take smile off
Stay silent.
Cry.

"You're just an attention seeker, a lost and lonely child searching for a friend but your a freak! They don't want you, They hate you! Everyone views you as a ***** up in life." You say as you began throwing fistfuls of dirt in my face and pull my hair.

"Mommy! Mommy!" I cry, but you carry on and I watch as mom just simply closes the drapes.

Later as I lay battered and bruised Mommy comes up to me holding me and asking if I'm hurt, picking specks of dirt out of my hair.

Dear __,

I really miss....
The way that your green eye's sparkle still gives me chills
How your brown curls cover your head in a blanket of beauty
Yes I love you. I will never stop loving you.
I'm basically throwing myself out to the wolves by falling for you
I gave my heart to you unconditionally, irreversibly,
You see the truth is love, I can't get you out of my head
At night I see you with the eyes of my mind;
Your perfect white teeth smile,
How your dimples show when you're honestly happy,
I love how you wrinkle your forehead when you are thinking
And cross your ankles back and forth if you sit down for a long time.
I can still hear you speaking to me, how we used to message in the early morning, rolling over and seeing you're sparkling orbs in the darkness, wanting you so badly to be actually here