I am aware, I need to let go
That all we once were
Has flown out the window.

I know it has been long enough
How can you look so happy
And I look so rough

It is easy to see, just not accept..
Tears swell my eyes
I draw my breath

Your smile reflects my rotting insides
I try avoiding your gaze
As you walk on by

I can pretend to be just fine
Not putting myself out
To be left to dry

To the moon and back?
Forever and a day..
How can we be friends..
When you threw it all away?

=_=

I killed a woman
Years ago
She's buried away
On the low.

She was sick
From drugs and *****.
She couldn't win
For her chance to lose.

She was not
Easy to ****.
But i knew how
To find the skill.

I met Jesus Christ you see...
... the woman that I killed

was ME.


I'm a dead woman
Yet I'm living.
I died in Jesus
I'm forgiven.

My old self
Tries to rise
But i won't listen
To the same lies.

I'm in the Rock.
I'm in the cleft.
I am buried
In His death.

Now I LIVE
On Christ I lean.
I'm a dead woman walking

I'm REDEEMED.


♡ Catherine
aka SoulSurvivor

a force so fierce that I have no defense
my rushing thousand thoughts makes me tense
convulsing into delusion  and madness
overtaken by unending sadness

how can love that used to make me high
now make my whole soul sigh
into the breach i plunge unknown
and all my front is blown

i stand naked and trembling
still my mind is rumbling
my only hope and solution comes deep inside of me
a loving Higher Power that helps me simply be

I release you, my beautiful and terrible
fear. I release you. You were my beloved
and hated twin, but now, I don't know you
as myself. I release you with all the
pain I would know at the death of
my children.

You are not my blood anymore.

I give you back to the soldiers
who burned down my home, beheaded my children,
***** and sodomized my brothers and sisters.
I give you back to those who stole the
food from our plates when we were starving.

I release you, fear, because you hold
these scenes in front of me and I was born
with eyes that can never close.

I release you
I release you
I release you
I release you

I am not afraid to be angry.
I am not afraid to rejoice.
I am not afraid to be black.
I am not afraid to be white.
I am not afraid to be hungry.
I am not afraid to be full.
I am not afraid to be hated.
I am not afraid to be loved.

to be loved, to be loved, fear.

Oh, you have choked me, but I gave you the leash.
You have gutted me but I gave you the knife.
You have devoured me, but I laid myself across the fire.

I take myself back, fear.
You are not my shadow any longer.
I won't hold you in my hands.
You can't live in my eyes, my ears, my voice
my belly, or in my heart my heart
my heart my heart

But come here, fear
I am alive and you are so afraid of dying.

You are the deepest scar i have,
You are the one that don't want to heal.

God knows i have a lot but,
You're the one that won't stop bleeding,
The one that hurt the most.

When people will ask me how i got this one,
I'll tell your name.