I turned away from reality
And entered another world
A world deep within the recesses of my mind
I can now enter another make believe world
Walk 'neath a canopy of autumn leaves
In the company of woodland elves
Watch in wonderment as faeries
Perform their nightly fire fly dance
Why don't you come with me
And see the dragons lair
Reach out a quiet hand, gold and diamonds to ensnare
Or we can visit the dwarven smiths
See their hammer beaten art
Works of spleandour unknown to modern man
In dwarven forges  the art does live
We will gather at the summer fayre
Where sweet harpen music sounds
In that pleasant sunlit glade
Where birds and butterflies abound
Take me not from this wondrous place
Where magic still survives
Where the power of the wizard staff
Helps the good to stay alive
Suddenly a buzzing sound destroys this tranquil scene
I wake to the sound of my alarm
Realize it was just a dream

The anvils rang and the hammers rose
To beat out bright blades of dwarvish steel
These were blades for elven kings
For soon the wars would rage
The Mordor hordes were marching
From the blacklands they would come
Bringing death and desolation
To the green and pleasant lands
But the elven hosts were marching
Alongside dwarves and men
And the eagles circled above them
Eyes searching every vale and glen
Bright were the swords of the elven kings
Tightly strung the bows
Heavy the axes and hammers of the mountain dwarves
Long and fierce the spears of men
The horse lords rode there on the flanks
And also in the van
They would be the first to fight
When the orchish hordes came into sight
Orc riders the target for their spears
Wargs the targets for their swords
To buy the times for the elven kings
To form their battle lines

He was lonely, as was his heart, carver
Of wood, he searched upon forest &
Glade till before his eyes laid sight of a masterpiece,
Home he hurried
Carving,  
Smoothing,
Varnishing
Not noticing or ignoring the black knot
But unbeknown, this was a deeper
Problem. Rotten, decayed black festered
Within not showing on the outside,
But things are missed in joy,
Things that will haunt, but he was finished
His boy of wood stood before
His so tearful eyes, your only wood
Only inanimate, sitting before my weeping eyes.
Heard where his whispers
Upon a night were they asked back,
"You are of sound heart"
"You are of compassion"
"You will have a son of wood with life in his heart"
As he looked upward,
A sight befell his reddened eyes
"FATHER"
Words fell forth unto his ears,
"Did you just speak??
"Father"
He hugged upon wood given life,
"Son"
"Son"
"A boy of my own given life"
"I love you son"
"I love you father"
His nose grew,
leaves sprouted forth,
"Aaghhhhh"
As Pinocchio snapped what grew forth,
And throw it upon the floor,
In pain he reeled,
"Son be calm"
For lies will be greeted by growth
Shall a lie be told, only good boys
And girls realise that honesty will be rewarded.
With that he cuddled his father, you know
Not love but I will show you unconditionally
Till you understand honesty also love,
Upon those words both bedded
For the night was late and father was old,
But he never slept, upon the floor
Part of him that broke off,
Now tainted black,
As it had succumb to its chosen fate,
As he fashioned upon tools
A living weapon,
"Blackest as night"
He felt connected
They were apart but one.
Into the bedroom he crept,
"Father"
"Father"
"Awaken"
Startled old eyes widen, I have a gift,
As he plunges it forth,
Son whhhhy I loveeee youuu
"I am but wooden given life"
"Blackness rots inside"
"It must feed"
For without it I will cease,
When I was just cold
It was my end no difference to any one.
And now given life
That is all that matters this night,
And with that he ****** into his
"Fathers heart"
He felt relief inside no more ties
But he cried splintered tears upon his
Blood they mixed upon the floor
He had extinguished his first life.
He needed to stem the flow as
He felt the veins rooting further
Life was his not easily given up,
The town fell silent that night,
As he fed well, he charred his
Finger tips black upon once so tanned,
So to feed with both knife and hand.
He would travel the world, death in his wake
All thought
"How unique"
"How harmless"
"How sweet"
But when the hunger craved,
Life was bled,  life was ceased
All for the rot to not **** this wooden boy
"Rotten core in a boys shell"
Prey his nose does not grow just a little
Because your time in life will be up.

She was hunted by a witch,
Who was to **** her
By the name of white.
She sent the woodsman
To put an end to her young life.

Caught up in the woods,
She begged for her life,
On her knees, she did the deed.
Wood was in her mouth,
  Down the back of the throat licking
Lips after the deed.

Be gone said the woodsman,
She had secured her freedom.
She did run, into the woods
she found a home,
She smashed a window to escape
the cold.

She undressed and lay on the bed.
Asleep she did fall, then awoken,
She was startled as seven little men
Stood around the bed.
Do you like what you see?
If you let me hide here,
I will thank you in ways that a princess is taught,
I can be naughty as well as nice.

They talked and said all right,
She pleasured most of them through out the night.
Happy was used and abused,
But he left the room smiling from left to right.
One did leave the room with a grumpy face,
He liked his kin and sleeping with a woman
Had never felt right.

So through the night,
She showed them things
That only princes usually get to see,
And for a while they lived all happily.

Her name was white,
But she was anything but that.
She had the stamina
To keep these little men all happy,
Content they could live with that.

But time went on,
The queen had found by rumour,
Where she not so pure was at.
A plan was made to
End her life.

A candy apple sold at the door,
She said her thanks an shut the door.
She liked hard things in her mouth,
Licked with her tongue,
Took a bite and passed out.

She was found
When the little men came home.
In tears they where,
As they would once again
Have to use the wooden doll.
Splinters were never fun to pull out,
Used by many it was cleaned a lot out.

She was put in a casket made of glass,
Still a beauty to behold.
As word spread,
Princes from across did try to find.
But only one had found white,
A kiss on the lips
Would break a curse out right.

His lips pressed hard,
and a confused look,
as the kiss was salty on his lips.
Happy smiled as he didn't have a care,
A mouth is a mouth warm it was
When he pushed it in and out.
So he used it to satisfy his urges,
No one would know
As he did it in the dark of night.

She awoke startled,
So much time had past.
I am your prince,
I heard tale of a gargling princess
named as white.

They travelled the land
To avenge her near death,
By the queen of night.
Swords drawn,
The seven little men by her side,
They confronted the queen.

She said do you know what she did?
This woman called white.
She slept with my son,
My husband and me.
Turning each against the other,
Until I was the only one left out of three.

Her name is white,
But she is any thing but that.
She will turn one against the other.
She must die for her crimes against me.
With that the prince looked on,
As she said all is true.

But queen you liked what I did
Before you found out,
That I played your family.
You all got what was deserved
I have no regrets with that.

Then with sword in hand
She killed the queen
With a sword through the heart.
She turned her sights
On the eight men.
The prince fought well
But she was too good.
His head left his shoulders
Ending his life.

The seven were no match for her.
Drenched in red,
But named white,
As all were slain.
She smiled sitting at her rightful place,
The queen of white
That went on to conquer many lands
 Dressed in red but named white.

God-King of the Heavens;
usurper of the throne of Saturn-
his Father,
the Titan-God of Time and Agriculture.
Saturn:
the personification of Time.
Also known as Chronos; Odin.

But, back to Jove-
that is to say, Jupiter:
archetype for Masculinity.

To some, the true Patriarch.

He's said to have once called himself YHWH,
but some know him as Yahweh, Jehovah, or Allah.
Others swear he goes by Zeus or Ammon,
and yet others, by Thor.

Or, perhaps
that name brings to mind
the largest planet in our Solar System.

The fifth from the Sun,
and largest by mass and volume:
Jupiter alone has 2.5 times the mass
of all the other planets combined.

It has a diameter of roughly 11 times that of Earth,
or about a 1/10th of that of the Sun.

I venture to say
that the Scientific and Mythological namesakes
both tend to have a similar temperament
and gravity
for they who are caught
within his sphere of influence.

abuse trigger*

In my end is my beginning
-T.S. Eliot-

   I distinctly remember the night I decided to get better. I mean once and for all better. On Monday 19th January 2004, at a few minutes past midnight, here, the real story began. I took a deep breath, trusted my instincts, and let myself go. I let myself taste the other side. I let myself fly freely around my environment. I looked in the mirror, removed the mask, and allowed myself to see my own reflection. And I spoke;
“You will do this. And it will start now.”*
   My mask I wore throughout the endless rapes and sodomizing, were what kept me alive, kept me breathing. Each day and week passed, each morning I would rise, fixate the mask, and go on. Until I no longer could go on in that way. The crash ended before it had even begun. Breathe through the pain, no pain no gain, pain is what allows you to know you are alive. This is how I survived the years of torment inflicted on myself. I re-enacted all the pain on myself in order to know I was alive. I took what I hated of him and made it a part of myself. But in 2004 that ended. I chose to walk a different path. I chose to recover.
   Engaging with this topic has given me hope. I know that the future holds something amazing for me. I know that this is what living is. I know this is what freedom tastes like. I love the taste of the rain on my face, the light that shines through the night, and the feeling of well being throughout my whole self.
  In **** and ****** abuse you are left hating your body. You blame yourself, and you hurt yourself as a way of reclaiming the body that another took. Your body becomes disconnected from you, it becomes "another", it becomes a "thing.”

   In Greek Mythology, Persephone is the goddess of spring. According to her story, she was abducted, ***** and taken to the underworld by Hades, the lord of the underworld. When her mother, Demeter, found out what had happened to Persephone, she convinced Zeus to force Hades to release her. Before Persephone could leave, Hades made her eat a pomegranate, which meant that she would have to return to the underworld for one-third of the year. According to the legend, the time Persephone spends in the underworld is the time in which there is winter on the earth. Because Persephone made it out of the underworld, she can be called the first survivor.
As survivors we can take comfort from the knowledge that although winter is hard, there is always spring around the corner.

© Sia Jane (2007)

"Once upon a time there was"
"no"
      "No"
            "NO"
"Many moons ago"
"There was a dreamer"
Who wished with all her heart,
To find the gold at the rainbows end,
She would look for clouds
Bursting
Up
High,
Her mother smiled.
"Are you still searching for that rainbows end"
"Pamela  your dreams are the clouds"
"Mummy a *** of gold I will find"
"For if you latch on to one"
"You will find yourself upon the other side""
Then one morning awoke to find a rainbow
Moving over her lawn,
Blouse,
Trousers,
Shoes
On too, she had packed a case
Encase this time did come true,
She slid down the banister
"Whoooooosh"
Through the front door,
Just as it was fading
Hands did grab hold,
She was surrounded by colours
Red,
                Orange
Yellow
                 Green
Blue
               Indigo
Violet
All were pure and bright, then with a
"Thump"
On her bottom she did land, surrounded
By beauty, plants the colours of the rainbow
"Blue leaves"
"Grass was orange"
Sky was all shades of the rainbow too,
A *** seen, gold did gleam,
Mouth wide open,
A violent fly flew in then out,
"Gross"
And she then quickly shut her mouth,
She was over the moon, the rainbow too,
She picked it up,
Lighter than she thought??
She picked one up
Put it too her mouth,
And bit,
It was squiggly in her mouth
"Gross"
Twice in two minutes,
She was
Sullen,
Grumpy,
Tears
Did cascade from little eyes,
They came out
Colours of the rainbow
Which lightened her mood,
She wiped her tears looked once, twice
Then hands upon the rainbow,
And whoosh, she landed with a
"Thump"
On next doors cow,
"MMmmmoooooo"
Went the cow,
"AAaahhhhhhh"
Went Pamela,
She ran with  a
Scare
And
Fright,
As in the distance still hearing the angry
"MMMmmoooooooooooo"
She ran to her house, opened the door,
"MUM"
"MUM"
"MUM"
With a fright her mum ran out,
"Pamela"
"My baby are you all right"
"I found the rainbow"
"I found the ***"
"I found a land of colour,"
"But the treasure wasn't right"
All said with in one breathe,
Now breath my angel,
As mother did take a coin
Opened it carefully and with the tip
Of here finger tasted it,
"MMmmmm"
So creamy, so light,
As she took her in the kitchen,
And the toaster minutes later
POPPED out,
Spreading it evenly, and eaten was
The toast crust and all,
"Mummy may I try one"
Pamela said
"Magic words my honey bear"
"Please may I try one"
And with that the toast again
POPPED out,
"MMmmmmmmm"
"My gosh mummy this tastes divine"
"You found a golden treasure that's for sure"
As they had toast each morning,
Opening a coin spreading it evenly,
"It was a taste to behold"
The treasure at the end of the rainbow,
Wasn't money, but I was something better
A taste that put a smile on faces
Every morning at *breakfast time.