Sometimes death hurts less than  life

Grab me by my wrist and so tightly; I want you to pull me back into your life don't shut me out again please don't make me beg for your attention I just want to be held in your deepest comprehension.
All I know is I love you too much to not act out when you say you're going away I cannot bare to watch your shoulders as you turn around and walk the other way- the way that's away from me. An opposite direction that is in more than one way heart breaking do I really not mean anything at all to you? Is it so easy to turn around as the tears fill up my eyes and start to slip from my eyelids, is it really that easy- for you to say goodbye..

*If you were to ever really scatter I would probably shatter, please don't say goodbye.. anytime soon.

Losing people,
for me,
is a constant cycle.
No one ever sticks
I never knew it'd
end like this.

Curled up in a ball on my bedroom floor I never could've imagined myself putting on such a per-form-ance.
Tears smothering my face as I hide it beneath my own hands I'm blinded, no one truly will ever understand my feelings and that kills me for some unpleasant reason to be understood is what I'm needing.
Tell me why are we humans so arrogant and selfish at times? In the end we all do what we truly want there is no one out there who surrenders for love not even the most dedicated of love birds would do such an exquisite task. Because truthfully we're all wearing a mask.
*or at least that's what we want you to believe.

You probably understand. Or maybe you don't, after all. Either way, it is jumping around inside me and if I don't let it out soon all my carbonation will fizz up and run over the side of my glass and I don't want to waste all that sweetness.

I want to kiss you underwater.

I want that kiss to be the only thing keeping us alive. Down there we are foreigners, aliens. Grasping, I want to feel your flesh in stark contrast to the smooth wetness all around me, like a secret.

All that life where we cannot live. Exotic, forbidden, so lovely. I am sick with love.

I am not the ocean.
The ocean cannot fit in a drugstore at nine pm, blinking up at fluorescent lights
hearing giggling
being ashamed.
The ocean drowns the people inside her, if she wants to or cradles them but, I?
I am drowned. I am cradled. Held and held down by so many tides, so many hands,
ever-changing never-staying.
The ocean commits herself, she stays put, she holds open her palms and whispers
"I am not afraid to let you stay here. I am not afraid of you, exploring my depths."
I am not the ocean.