This emotion of flying,
Falling...
I'm not use to it.
It's against the rules,
My silly rules,
To trip into someones arms.

And it's against the rules for
Someone to catch me.

Why did you?...

I'm looking for a
Guardian angel,
Someone who could be my
Crying shoulder,
Who would never try and change me
Or think of abusing me.
He would have me forget the person
I once was--the one I hate.
I'm still waiting for him,
Someone that loves me,
Not only that but would miss me,
Deeply so.
Like how I would miss him,
Like a flower in the snow--
Missing the sun.

I don't know if he will understand
How I internalize everything,
Or how I don't let my secrets go
Without a fight, a struggle in my mind.
But he would understand that he loves me
With a love that will never go away.

Dear ~~~
I just want to let you know,
Before I fall apart on you,
Or I fall for you--
I live in a shipwreck of my own design,
Am scared of what I am capable of,
And admire the frightening
Endless
Night sky.
I step cruelly on
My own emotions and those who
Twist my own words and
Use me as a door mat,
While twisting my knife deeper into my heart,
But my tears are invisible
And my screams are silent.
You need to look beyond my smiling,
Look into my eyes.
They only smile when you are here.

Its hard to give up
On a love
That was never yours.

If I were a word yesterday,
They would be about
"Pain"
or
"Lost."
Feeling "trapped" in a
World who knows how to "punish" the
"Weak."
I would see how I have gone "unseen" and
"Ignored" by the ones who "hate" me best.
But that was "yesterday."

If I were a word today,
It would simply be
"Happy."

Always I try to lead,
But my feet drag like lead,
Coming to my knees to pray,
Don't always keep the hunters from their prey.
Everything is falling, yet I will be okay,
For I know that sometimes
God calms the child, not the storm.
Hours of my time--
I wish it was our time...
Just wait for me, the dead weight is
Killing me, dragging me
Lower than it ever has before.
Minutes tick by,
No one sees me as I bid goodbye,
Only a minute problem though.
Perhaps I am invisible,
Queer, or
Rude,
Someday I may be better,
Though I know no one can buy me.
Unlimited is what I am,
Value cannot be placed on any one's soul.
Wounds will heal,
Xanthous sunshine will brighten the world,
Yet again at peace,
Zealous in the celebration of life.

Take a left at the willow tree
And picture an artist's brush
Painting colors not known to man,
Celestial images replacing the devil's handiwork.

I am learning to dance again
Even in this dreary downpour.
Rain can't deter me from
The sunshine of grace.

I will become an artist
And learn from the hand of God--
I will hold a paintbrush,
My new colors I will paint.

The beat of life
Pounding out an impossible rhythm,
I should have been born a butterfly,
Than without my wings to fly.

525,600 minutes,
And every moment of my year
Wishing I could cast off the old
And become something new.
Something beautiful.
Something spectacular.
The beat goes on,
The pounding of my heart
Matching perfectly.

Hiding behind hats and glasses,
It's potential I'm longing for.
I should have been a butterfly,
My wings are missing.
Wondering,
Waiting.
I don't want to shine,
Only to fly,
Only to rise above it all.
The beat goes on.

Where am I now?
What do I stand for?
Who have I become?
I am not a butterfly...
                                     ...the beat goes on.

I am lost.
Yet,
Something is telling me you are just like me.
Maybe
We were put in the darkness
To find each other.

Sometimes I wish
I was a seashell on the beach
That you would pick up
And keep forever.