Stuck in a time long since passed. Heart emptied hopeless. Faces blur along with the days. Nights linger incessantly, haunting all that ever was.  Dreams tease happy.  Sun kills dreams. Time makes scars. Distance allows the fallacy to continue.  The lies turn daily mantra.  The mantra into perceived reality. Reality into dreams, the dreams into nightmares.  Sun cannot **** nightmares.

Hollow glass hearts bleed
Puddle will evaporate
To exist no more

Joy-filled memories leach all hope for future joy.  Heart crushed to powder. Powdered hearts cannot bleed.  Dead hearts cannot feel. Memories, overflow with the shadow of love's embrace. Pain jabs the senses like lightning.  Still, the heart has ceased to exist.  Calluses fill the space that scars cannot.  False emotion permeates the truth.  Future acquaintances see beauty behind dead eyes.  As they close in, icy breath freezes long enough to drain their heart to beat some life into the one lost. Walking away with minimal pulse as their heart is hollowed and bleeding.  Soon too, that puddle with cease to exist.  

**Life's casualties
Joy begets pain begets joy
Hope dies most quickly

It’s scary looking at someone that has every element and characteristic that you’ve asked G-d for in your most intimate prayers…

There’s something so nerve wrecking about looking someone in the eye and loving every piece of them without them even opening their mouths.

Realizing that you’re the ultimate side piece for it is from his side that you were created. He assures you of your position when he whispers, “I’ve found my rib” in your ear and takes your hand while he makes a vow to love you… And love you…
And love you.

And when they do, you stumble hand in hand 6 feet deeper into graves set in juxtaposition because so help me G-d not even death will do us part.

No.

How was this made for me?

When did you do this G-d?

Did he ask for me too?

I don’t have to, sit by the window anxiously awaiting a package anymore.
G-d delivered, my exclusive mailman. 

Shipping was free.

I just had to believe.

Clouds roll in and thunder roars
Tears, they fall in rage
burning rivers down the face
Of the once innocent
Humanity ripped from souls
The heartless rise
The careless linger
What was once is no longer
What should be, never was
Ineffectual words
Counting down to nothing

engulf me in a haze of black
veins turn hard, vision blurs
world so distant and forgotten
childhood i yearn to go back

no more than seconds time
mind alters with desolation
alone with no relation
dead, buried and back alive

reality swarms in a gasp
eyes soaking in light
fighting the evil within
sanity back in clasp

Your words,
like silken tendrils,
crept along my skin,
Passing shivers flared,
Brushed off
with an uneasy smile,
Now these diaphanous strands  
threaten to mummify,
Encase me in a cocoon
of slights,
sarcasm,
and casual cruelty,
Liquifying my insides
to better feed you,
Bloat your predatory emptiness
with my life-force,
Your clacking mouthparts sharpen,
As does my resolve,
My innards are not for your
slurping,
Skitter back to your shadowy lair,
This corpse will not play,
I rise, awakened,
The sun waits for me.

Wanting to relive yesterday
When you were still who I thought you were
Never wanting to realize
You pretended all that I loved

Caught off-guard
By the way I felt at the news
I realized that I was drowning
In the blood of my broken heart

911 used to be scabbed on the back of my
knees, and soaked carpets
were like coming
home. her eyes were nothing like
mine, and the police always
wanted to know. but i hated the way their
lips smacked against their teeth.


911 used to be tied to my fingers with
****** ribbons, and if you ask me who my kindergarten
teacher was, i couldn’t tell you.
chocolate milk nights were thick with
bruises. i made friends with the images in between the tiles
in the bathroom.

911 used to be etched on my stomach,
and even now i cannot see red blue and white flashing lights
without wanting to puke.
six months is forever when you’re seven years old,
but daddy
always said life is too short
anyway.

The faded dreams roll in with the darkness

Like a whisper in the night

Transported to another time, another you

Surrounded by those who used to love you

By those you will always love

Heartbreak and odium upon awakening

Lost in the midst of then and now

Knowing what was meant to be is

Mourning all that wasn't

Preoccupied with the past, days seem heavy

Ridiculous waste of resources

Yet, it ebbs and flows like the tides

Creeping in, unwanted and unwelcome

Thankful always for innocent mistakes

Grateful that no one can read your mind

Missing bits of who you were

While trying to love who you grew into

Tiny pieces of you
Linger in my very being
Burning embers of brimstone
Sulfur fills each breath
I stop to smell the roses
They turn to ash at my touch
At you within me
Particles spread as I cough you up
Multiplying in the air
Dancing with joy
At their new-found freedom

Tiny pieces of you
Rotting my soul and consuming my spirit
Burning pinholes in my brain
Memories burned away
Shadow of pain still sore, still raw

Lingering, lingering, lingering

Shadows of pain block the sun
Joy turns sour in the shade
Twisted desires nauseate
Self-hatred masquerades in smiles
Demons come out to play
Casting nets in daylight
Trapping hearts and twisting dreams
Nightmares turn beautiful in time
Charcoal and ash
Charcoal and ash
Burn memories into scars
Marking territory
Claiming all they see
Making them beg to be taken
Beg for more
Begging for the honor
To be twisted unrecognizable
Freedom in acceptance
Relinquishing all
Feasting on the beating hearts
Of the innocently depraved
Gambling souls
Playing for keeps

He turned around and looked at me
And his vision made me sick
So I ****** his eyes out of his skull
And skewered them on a stick

Roasted on an open flame
Turning evenly to toast
Hoping as his pupils pass
It's me he sees the most

Tongue chewed from within his face
No screams of discontent
He tried to say, "you're beautiful"
But lies on the tongue ferment

His rancid meat is useless
So I feed it to the worms
Now, wasted words are gasps for air
And no longer my concern

He tried to write, "I'm sorry"
With fingers drenched in blood
So I chopped them into pieces
And spread them through the neighborhood

So as I whispered in his ear
Of all his evil ways
I saw that bitter molten tube
Grow solid as it swayed

So I ground it into sausage
While it was still attached
And wondered, quite in passing,
Why unto me he chose to latch

So here we are me and my feast
And him bleeding on the ground
As buzzards rend the flesh from bone
With me laughing at the sound