Unable to breathe
My heart, in a state of panic
My soul, half joy/ half pain
With the darkness a true void
And the light, divine
So twisted in two
That breaking is imminent
Which survives
Darkness...
Or
Divinity
For to live as two
Is not living

maybe the end is coming,
but for me,
i'm stuck in the long haul
feeling like i can't pick up my feet
time is dragging on
and it's dragging me forward
whether i like it or not,
the sun will set and i'll be in the dark,
again.

Today I'm craving touch
I'm craving that the outside world will remind me I'm real
Or maybe I'm craving the absence of
The world
Maybe I'm craving the absence of myself
Maybe I'm craving to disappear

Today I'm craving knowledge
The knowledge of what I want

From love no one can run away; being lost by you, it's for another to be found.
Those days of love will not repeat, alas it's memories cannot be ever drowned.

Weeping turtles
On angels' wings
Electric harps
And choir sings
Traveling time
Remembering
As an era
Comes to close

French chabot
In fruited hues
Revving engines
With horses used
Nothing that
Compares 2 U
And songs
We'll never know

From pain
Was born a troubadour
Pushing limits
Breaking doors
Supernova
Evermore
Songs with
Silent lines

A legend lost
Within the mist
Of mewling souls
Interminus
Taking time
To reminisce
The party ends
In nines

Anorexia was the most attentive
Girlfriend anyone could ask for
And I fell hard for her
I fell for for 500 calories a day,
The sense of control it gave me
Compliments from girls I'd never talked to before
Doctors so pleased that I was finally "healthy"
That feeling,
Of stepping on the scale
And realizing that I took up less space
Than when I'd stepped on the day before
The feeling of water hitting an empty stomach
The hunger pangs
That secretly thrilled me
The thrill of the lies
The ones that became ever so easy
To slip off my tongue
The thrill of a secret love affair with death
I fell for an abuser
I fell...
Literally
Bruises lined my body
From bumping into walls
Because my body was so
Malnourished I couldn't
Walk down a hallway
Fell down a rabbit hole-
Fell down into a world I couldn't escape-
Thigh gaps, thinspiration, tips and tricks to
Hide this wonderland in your head
Walking headfirst into Anorexia was like walking
Into a haunted house
It's fun and exhilarating at first
It's a game, it's harmless
And then you realize that the doors
Are barred and it dawns on you
That ringing the doorbell of death
Was not the best idea
I am a study in skinny does not make you happy
The 5 pounds you wanted to lose
Turns to 10
Turns to 20
Turns to...
I am a study in
Every inch of your body being a warzone
Of standing in front of a mirror
Seeing nothing but a piece of meat
Taking up too much space
I am a study in calculation
I am a study in lying
I am a study in not dead, but not alive
I am a study in starvation
I am a study in falling out of love

would it be alright if i
took the time to uncork my heart
and spill the contents through its narrow spout—
can i pour out my soul to you?

It's amazing how I see things and others don't
Their eyes are ******* in wrong

And I wonder,
If my eyes are ******* in right.

*They just might

Is this what old age
Is talking about
And why am I the last
To find all of this out
That my due North
Is heading straight  South
With all of my hair
And most my teeth falling out

For me gradually
Losing my sight
Saving me from
What I'd rather not find
The wrinkles to
My  drooping eyes
As the younger me
Dawn's an old age disguise

I seem to wheeze
More now than I breath
Check out my pants
Each time that I sneeze
When did my thoughts
Pack up and leave
Taking with them
My precious memory

Is this what old age
Is talking about
And why am I the last
To find all of this out
I used to be king
But somehow lost that crown
The only other thing....

Now what was I talking about?

She likes to blow up balloons
Matching the colors
to fit her mood
From envious greens
to the saddest of blues
Sits in a corner
blowing  balloons

From runaway yellows
to angry reds
All of the colors
leaving little left said
Blowing balloons
to the thoughts in her head
Till there are no feelings left