I see the world
suspended in your eyes
like nothing matters
nothing has ever mattered
but her.

her nails are painted
her dress is short
her heels are high
her laugh is obnoxious
and she's just like the last one.

she's nothing new
and nothing special, yet
you think she's different
you think she's beautiful
you want to love her.

while I sit and watch
as you love another girl
again
and
again.

and while she's at work
you hold me close
and tell me you're sorry
and that I have to go
before she comes home.

why do you tell me
that you wish things were
different?
if you really did,
you wouldn't be looking at her.

it happens every time.

I've been through this before,
You think I won't catch on.
I pay attention,
Its not that hard to see.

One minute you give me the world,
The next you hardly give me a glance.
I make the effort,
You used to do that too.
You give me excuses,
Now we hardly talk.

I knew it was too easy,
Too good to be true.
I was waiting for the other shoe to drop,
And it did.

I'm not going to beg,
I deserve more than a read text.
If you won't put in the effort,
Then neither will I.

I gave you chances,
The benefit of the doubt.
You showed your true colors,
And their nothing but darks.

I thought we clicked,
Felt a spark as we talked.
I opened up to you,
Slowly but surely..
You even stopped
No longer cared
Now we're here.

I thought we could have been more,
But I deserve a better man.
A man who makes the effort,
And manages their time.
I tried with you,
I really did....

I don't care for liars,
Despise dishonesty.
You can lie to my face,
But I knew you were a liar.

There's nothing more to give,
I doubt we'll talk again.
Those sweet words,
As empty as the air.

Don't bother now,
I started moving on from you.
Tomorrow will be a new day,
And a new possibility for love.

Our first date involved you shoving your tongue down my throat and i don’t know if it’s because you couldn’t get enough of me or you couldn't get rid of the taste of her.

The warmth of his body against mine.
The gentle touch of his fingers on my skin.
His left thumb slowly dragging across my bottom lip, chin, and neck, delicately being placed above my collarbone.
His index drawing invisible infinities on my shoulder.
Middle, resting ever so lightly after a night filled with lust.
On his ring finger, a wedding band, similar to mine.
His pinkie, keeping all of its promises over the years no matter how small.
Each finger playing a different role,
All intertwined with mine now.
An innocent touch.

Worth the wait.

You are fallen darkness,
the ghost ship
in the wake of a quarter-moon

Your depth
is like a blue grave
looking back
from a burial at sea

Your hands are shadows
over a campfire
lustering against the lightless
river, palms folding
like prayers over
the embering heat
of driftwood and deadfall
retreating into ash

You are heaven's shoal
of dead stars, the obsidian
lip of the shoreline
I approach without light

The shallow groundswell
of sand un-printing my tracks,
as if to refuse my sunless steps

You are streetlights left behind me
back home, softening now
beyond their dead-end streets.

Like the sunset
On a rainy day

You are missing

How is it
that one person can be both
the sunset that never came
and
the sun that set too soon?

I woke up today and I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

The grips of a dream tightly coiled around my throat as it forced me to acknowledge it.

I was a failure.

That was basically it.

And I knew that grades don’t define who you are, but they get you into university, they get you a good course, a good degree, a good job.

Money.

And then I won’t have to suffer living without it.

And I knew that money don’t buy you happiness, but they buy peace of mind.

How many times has my mum stayed awake worrying about how much to give and how much to keep?

One time my mum refused to send money back for the treatment of her grandmother. Not because she was selfish, but because my brother and I had taken to crying because we had no lunch.

She found out I hid away in libraries to stave off hunger while my brother hid in toilets.

Her grandmother died less than a week later.

The way guilt plagues her every breath even now…

Since then we vowed as a family to share what we have, even if we have so little.

Money buys safety. There are two red flashing lights on my mum’s dashboard of her car. When she took it to a garage she was told she’d have to get it fixed for a ridiculous amount of price because her break pads had no grip and her steering was askew.

She refused to pay that much for her own safety because her mother’s sister just died and someone has to pay the funeral.

Now she prays extra hard every time she drives.

Money buys my future.

Money.

If I fail my exam, I won’t have it.



Now I’m in my brother’s room because apparently I screamed into my pillow and apparently the panic attacks were back.

I called the school for a tactical day-off.

You ask of me
The one thing
I cannot give.

I cannot give
You the rest
Of my life.

Moments
cannot dictate
Years of growing.

I must live
and learn
On my own.