My name is Erin
and i was *****
at the age of 7

it has taken me
14 years of my life
for those 13 words to escape
my hollow mouth

the only questions i come to now
is why
why lock me in that room
why take everything from me
my innocence
my purity
my childhood

in that room
where my family trusted you
where i trusted you
the night terrors i have to this day
still haunt my mind

like a never ending
drive in movie that plays
over
and
over
only the moon in the night sky
isnt made to be found here
there is no light in these terrors

i cant sleep this time of year
because every time i do
its you
in that room
locking the door
shutting the windows
******* me
yelling at me
every single night
i close my eyes

it has taken me 14 years
to accept the fact that i was taken by you
i have been numb ever since
left in the dust
rotting away at the core
thinking i was nothing
thinking i deserved nothing
because you took everything

but not anymore
i will recover from this
i am strong enough
i believe in myself
i believe in my own happiness
and i promsie
that when i have children one day
i will never ever let them rot at the core
i will find happiness
the darkness will not take over this time

flickering was the night
you were fast asleep
and in my eyes you
might have died.

your breathing slowed
and your worried eyes
you looked so calm
around us the night's alive.

when we drift into
some slipping place
I look at you with
your saving grace

we depart to sleep
nestled arm in arm
waking in a world of vision
and a field of green.

right now
we are staring
at each other's soul

right now
we are distanced
like Jakarta to Seoul

right now
we are laughing
though not like cheap flick

our screens
connect us

the last straw

some people
will bring out only the worst in you
and you will stay.
because part of the worst in you
is believing
that their approval and opinion
determines your worth.

breathless
feeling the sound vibration flow
spreading out in waves
of anticipation
vein-like and
following an internal structure
and wait
gasp
    gasp
/breath/
all of honor and hope
rides in that breath
to be taken
down
   down
       down
| d r o p
             |
the s o u n d
   so r o u n d
the release
so great
bass brings the
music inside h e r e
instead of up there
brains are boring
the p u l s e
is life

your curious gaze,
teasing smile, laughter. languid
like straight tequila.

ever flowing and
missing the rim of my cup
an intentful flow.

alikened to shame and
reddened on my dark cheeks like
ripened tomatoes.

you are a pleasant
sharp tasting fruit. bitter yet
ready to be plucked.

vineless. ever free.
forbidden. incandescent
and reflective shine.

bring the pain
they'll become my blood and flesh

bring the pain
no fear,
because now i know the way