Images extracted from
the tapestry of my dreams.
Sewn intricate...
Into a patchwork.

A quilt,
embroidered with lavish sequins and ornate beads.
Bringing forth fantastical motifs...
A dazzling display
upon the backdrop of my dreamscape.

Yet...
This mosaic of dreams
does not warm me so.
It never lasts.

They fall away like autumn leaves
come the dawning sun.
They get washed out and pulled into the tide,
as the waves beat upon the shore of wakefulness.
They fade into fragmented memories
that make no sense...
Incoherent and disjointed.

Eventually, they disappear...
For they do not belong
in a world of worldly things
and ticking clocks.
Their intangible and mismatched nature
render them inconsequential...
Naturally...
They get misplaced.

But I am stubborn.

I will fashion such a blanket.
One that skirts the boundary
of this realm and the other.

I will tailor it so...

So that...
I will sleep tonight,
swaddled tight and cocooned within its
glorious seams.
Tucked within the safety and warmth of
this blanket...
Woven immaculate...
Out of
worldly things and breathtaking dreams.

oh, believe me, i want friends.
i want love.
i want to live, but there's something inside me.
there's something in there.
it ruins all hopes,
               of me letting them in.
of course i love certain people: i love my brothers, my mother, my father.
i'd go to the ends of the earth for them,
take a bullet,
take a smack to the face.
it is others i cannot get close to.
i cannot bring my walls down.
i cannot let them be my friend for:
my mind senses all flaws,
my eyes observe the little things,
and my chest feels tighter,
i need to
             run,
                         run,
                                      away.
so i am sorry if i do this to you.
i am sorry if one day i am nice and happy and your friend,
but the next i am distant and cold.

i do not mean to.
i cannot help it.
i am trying, but it is hard.

i want you to get close,
and i wish i could let you.

i just cannot.

Roll up, there's another piece on sale
of rotted trendyness, in absence it prevails
sitting atop the throne of a plucky survivor
my mind useless, my body designer

I'm not a hero, I'm not a ***** - probably both
changing skin like fashion, both corrupt and gross -
oh do you like my hair, my bulging ****** excess?
I moisturised my face today with feaces and ground insects

eyes diamonds swamped in a pool of lies
followed by a scent of longing whilst inside swarms flies
thinking we know beauty, we ****** for fear others will take
but on the outside its easy to fabricate, to fake

I smell of roses today, oh yes I'm soo exquisite
killing in the name of love, juvenile and disgustingly delinquent
destroying myself to create a new persona I can own
but how can you have something that's already gone

one thousand suits I have with no happiness to show
I'll sell you a million, it's in desperation greed grows,
smiling sweetly as I descend into the land of sensual dreams
whilst inside my morality fits and screams

there's another piece on sale
no longer fashionable but frail
dragged from the tears of an unlucky survivor,
my mind's useless, my body bedazzling

*oh I'm designer!

overcome with weakness and nausea,
I limp to my bed.
I rest my tired eyes,
and pray to god I wake up dead.
and light doesn't shine on any of my days
as I make my way through this foggy haze,
I try to look on the bright side of life
but all has been shadowed by clouds.
I didn't choose this life,
nobody did.
we were not told how hard it would get,
though I was just a kid.
I asked my mom why granny died,
why she gave up when pappy was gone.
and my mom gave me a very tight hug
and said that she just could not go on.
that's when I learned we could control our death
and god knows I tried a few times.
I was so tired of regret
I was so tired of goodbyes.
but here I am, to this day,
dragging my feet through life
but trust me, friend, this is better
than picking up that knife.

Please know, darling
that as you
                 slip
into your soul's abyss
my light will fill up
your darkness
like a spirit's starlit kiss
for the depth
of the black
and the distance
           mean nothing
when it comes to
           love
only our inner stars
determine what
is inside and above
So as in this chant,
                 this prayer
                     this hymn
                            of my essence
I cast forth the forces
that will make
known
    my presence
for my inner soul's nectar
is sweet water
in a state of
ever-flowing
     sometimes even tripping
      into the lip
         of your vessel
    without you
even knowing    
I am here in all ways
    except a single one
     that to look in your eyes
   is a dream rough-spun  
for aye, that physical
     has its limits,
           nonetheless
but still, from here
right into your being
          I press
my heart beating
           strong
my mind's whispers
            wild
as my fingers
stroke the hair
of your inner child
so come rest your head,
       right here,
     on my chest
Feel the tiny
quakes
that take place
as we let ourselves rest
from the world outside
from the demons within
melting the lines
of despair,
now rice-paper thin
        And our intense need
to love
and be loved
   is the true healing balm
      and now our
spirits rise up
in the night's
      lip-brushed
psalm

I have been shunned
For no longer letting myths
Slip off my tongue
And it makes me angry
Everytime they're proved wrong.

I try to keep my mouth shut.
Focus on biting my lip
And ignore the trickled blood.

When you feel a fire burn inside you,
Getting told your after death fate
For not following rules
Might just be something I'd be used to.

Why would burning to the very end
Be so bad
When heat is always rolling off my skin?

Sometimes I'd rather let it all out
But what's the point when I know
You'll never listen?

I'm just so frustrated
That I will never be able to show you
How I see or feel.
But when you check my forehead you'll feel
There's a fire inside,
And I hope that in the end,
You were never right.

This world is filled with to much pain
Like a vampire it just ***** and drains
It's hard to stand tall under all the strain
I find myself once more sinking below
Like hot molten tar, it won't let me go

Despair spreading faster than a cancer
For all my questions there is no answer
I really don't know what the **** to do
As my soul is ripped in two

My tears keep sliding the mask down my face
As misery and sorrow interlace
Everywhere I go I leave a river of anguish behind
As memories of my life, flood my mind

It'd leave you terrified if you could look and find
All the things that I do hide
Behind my fake facade
For I am much more than odd

For I am the definition of sorrow
Of all things hollow
Painted with the brush of dark mystery
I am the picture of misery
I'm the cautionary tale
The elders, use to exhale
I am the woeful song
That in this world doesn't belong

Down into the belly of the earth
Burned to the core to prove my worth
Cleansed or consumed,  we'll soon know the end to my story
Whatever the outcome, there will be no glory
This universe is in full ******* control
Watch as it pushes me deeper down below