I swear with all my heart
Every boy I've ever loved
has wanted me to hurt

He set up a picnic
over the rail road tracks
just to watch the weight
of the train crush
my ribcage

And he laughed when
I asked why he'd do that...
Why he'd pretend that
this was lovely,
all the while knowing
that it would be ******

He laughed
and the butterflies
in my stomach
danced to the beat
of the breath between
his ivory teeth

And then I wonder why
pain is comforting,
And I wonder why
I feel alive
only when I cry

He said,
"This won't hurt a bit"
And then he ripped
my arm from the socket,
As I swooned over the
touch of his hand over mine

I said,
"I don't wanna be in agony"
And he said,
"Then stay the hell away from me"

And I could never decide
Which would cause more injury