Depression means
I don’t swim in the ocean anymore
Because I’ve spent days drowning
In my own bed

Depression means
I don’t hug people anymore
Because every time I let go
I feel guilty for letting go
Too soon
Or too late

Depression means
I am difficult to love
Because I need you to be with me
But not too close or too long
But don’t stay away
Because I get lonely but also
Need isolation because I’m an introvert
Because my love language
Says I like receiving gifts
But whenever I get a gift
I feel like a burden
And I’m not worth whatever you paid for this
Because I have put a cost on myself
On my happiness
On my mind
Because anything more than $75 an hour
Won’t get me a return on my therapy investment
Because I sometimes see myself in the mirror
And wish I could disappear

Depression means
Life and death don’t feel all that different
Because they’re both terrible ******* options

I kept chasing
you, as if
you were
a distant dream.
But dreams
are not always
dreams.
Sometimes, we have
nightmares too.

I don't really wanna talk about it.

I think it's better if I keep it to myself.

Sometimes I could really do without it.

This kinda thing's just no good for my health.

-

Because again and again
I tell the same story,
and I know it's a shame
but there's nothing that you can do for me.
Being alone don't scare me.
I'll just kick back with my friend Mary.
-
It's the usual drama.
The same old skit.
Another boy let me down
but I'll get over it.
I'll just pack another bowl
and get a clean hit
of this high grade ****.

- -

So don't ask me if I'm OK.
I don't feel any different to how I did yesterday
and it didn't matter then
and it doesn't matter now.
I just wanna numb the pain
and I don't care how.

- -

Oh Mary! Mary-Jane.

I got the real life blues again.

So take me away, let's fly.

Nothing matters when I'm high

-

and I don't really wanna talk about it.

I think it's better if I keep it to myself.

Sometimes I could really do without it.

This kinda ****'s just no good for my health.

-

I don't really wanna talk about it.

I don't really wanna talk about it.

I don't really wanna talk about it.

...

Feeling much better.
But I know it's just because
I'm smoking more ****.

My body flits across hungry eyes
My heart blows like tempestuous breeze
The whole room reverberates with sighs

My caustic tears sting and pray
I'll simply writhe the hurt away
while this empty smile stretches everyday