Your golden frame which I once held so dear
Trickled between my fingers like the unlucky prospectors
Me, cursing the wind, never saw it coming
For days I could barely breath,
Ive been trying to bring myself to the arms of another
But every time I get close enough I’m reminded of you
A scent carried, or a crack in their smiles,
What a fever this is, this thing called love
Hopefully the right prescription will do the trick,
Enough liquor to drown an ocean,
and rewatching Barbarella for the 10th time
is just what the doctor ordered.

And it sweeps over me like a charmed dimmed veil.
Providing me shade and stealing my breeze.
Keeping me fresh in my misery.
Prolonging my grief.
Hiding my tears and my wicked smirk.
I am the bride of my own shadow, loneliness.
My reception, the demons that haunt me.
My cake the lump in my throat.
Open bar of my tears.
And I'll make my speech honoring my weakness as my best friend.
I'm a bride and failure is my groom.
What a couple we make, all of darkness will rave.
For I am sad and angry.
Me and my groom shall create such destruction in our wake.
I will make it rain, thunder and quake.
With my groom as long as he stays.

I rode my veins like the highways
Got off at the nearest exit
Somewhere to rest these bones for a little while
I stayed too long..
My body felt heavy,
My shoulders didn’t know up from down,
I was searching for something more than what was inside of myself
Maybe that thing I was searching for was
the arms of a woman who knew enough about everting
and not enough about all the little things in life
I tried to teach her those things.. I still am.
Maybe I am the ocean and she was the seaside
I kiss her like the tides, over and over again,
All I am is a mere observer to her love
And I watch the tides roll in, how she calls me by name
Oh how I love her dear,
Oh How my heart sings with ocean songs
whenever she enters a room

Broken much...
That I am

Broken pain
Everywhere and nowhere

I've got words thousands clutter
I can't choose
I can only say they are all broken full of sorrow rage fear and emptiness

My pains so great physically I'm numb

I'll save my emotions deep inside, because what I want to yell.....
I wish to hide

Holding tears
I'm almost a pro
Broken...
No one knows....

Numb and feeling incredible pain
I pray that I will indefinitely break

Take my heart and freeze it till It shatters and bury it someplace
Anywhere it doesn't matter.....

When ears refuse the sound of a loved ones words, the world cries out in despair

When we have lost the compassion to listen from those we hold close...
We find ourselves more alone than when were actually alone

Tongue twister of depression and selfishness....

We are more alone with our loved ones, than we are when were actually alone.....

More...

Alone...

Until people learn to listen...

Till people learn to listen with thier hearts...

And until then we are all strangers

Loved ones...

We are strangers...

And alone...

Remember when your ready to care, use your heart and not your gavel

I am ready to not just hear

I am ready to actually listen and just plain be there

I write now, without ink.

I write without gripping any tool in my dominate right hand.

My finger points and taps a screen and is made so that I make no mistakes.

But I am human and I'll find mistakes here.

And I'll write without writing, and share all of me without your phyisical view of me.

You will view me inside, but not out.

Shall I be beautiful using the tool that I grip now with my left hand, as my right pointer, points and taps?

If I use a pen, you will view me messy and sensitive.

For my penmanship is horrid and my tears fall plenty.

I write now.

I use no ink.

I write now, hiding just a little of the pysical me.

I long for the days that my hand touched paper and the liquid salt gave my pages character.

Back when each written word lumped my thought and every tear ripped my heart twice as hard as this tapping.

But I shall write without paper and I'll use ink again, when I am braver.

The fan is making angry.

Its hot but the sound of the blades spinning and catching air is deafening.

My heart is sore drumming through my chest.

Im hot from heat and hot from emotional overload.

There's nothing that can be done.

Don't even ask.

I don't want to talk, think, see, or even hear.

I want to be left the **** alone.

This fan is driving me crazy, but if I turn it off I'll be hot.

Im attempting to find a pattern in my breaths.

Im waiting for my heart beat to slow and steady.

The sound of the **** fan is driving me crazy...

Im not crazy...

But if you speak, I may scream.

Please stop trying to help.

Your helpfulness is feeding my pain.

The fans so **** loud, and NO you can't help!

Your driving me crazy...

But Im not crazy, maybe just a little angry.

The fan is the least of my problems.

The clouds grew heavy
Their bellies swollen with rain water
They stared at me as I glared back,
My gaze split the sky like a knife
It poured for days.
    
   *  I was a mess,
     I was soaked,
     I was a sponge.*

I tried to ring out all the excess,
All it did was leave me drowning in a puddle
of the parts of myself I no longer needed,
My air tanks ran dry
My body felt heavy
I was sinking for years.
It was hard for me to watch the ones I loved
lowered 6 feet beneath the soil,
It was even harder to look in the mirror
and see a breathing corpse stare back,
My insides were withered like the winter,
All I craved was the heat,
The south was a distant memory,
Fluttered away so many years ago
on a night with the full of the moon and the big of the sky
The sweet song of the willow in the most humble of tunes,
Oh how I have grown now.
Look how these bones have changed.